Old shop sayiings

[Danglerb]

Found this link, funny, but not PG
http://www.loganact.com/tips/shopsay.htm

[walrus]

"numb'er than a pounded thumb"

[Uncle Buck]

When the S_ _ t hits the fan I call that getting wrapped around the flywheel!

[goodfellow]

They forgot the machinist's technical term with regard to a press fit

.... "tighter than a gnats ass"

[zuspiel]

Thanks for making my lunch enjoyable... now pass me that Crescent hammer...

[Danglerb]

I liked;

Harder than Chinese arithmetic
trying to shove a wet noodle up a tiger's ...

[Scooterfish]

sign in service station I worked at in the 70s

Our credit manager is Helen Waite. If you need credit go to Hell and wait!

[Frank Elson]

yes, the noodle one is my favourite...

[v8garage]

There's an old saying from the Texas oil fields. When something is real tight they would say that's "Oil field tight". The definition of "Oil field tight" is "Get it as tight as you possibly can and then go one more round".

[nissan_crawler]

When beating a dent out of a plane..."Looks good from 40,000 feet"

When working on a plane..."Just put it together, it's not like it's a motorcycle."

"Put enough power behind it, you can make a brick fly."

"The only thing that will do is get you to the crash site quicker."

"Beat to fit, paint to match."

[r6_cannibal]

see signature ;)

[krusty the clown]

f@*k it........my truck runs.........

[seth_man]

"crossthread is better than locktite"

[garfunkle24]

If you're not gonna do it half-assed, don't even bother.

[zuspiel]

When beating a dent out of a plane..."Looks good from 40,000 feet"

When working on a plane..."Just put it together, it's not like it's a motorcycle."

"Put enough power behind it, you can make a brick fly."

"The only thing that will do is get you to the crash site quicker."

"Beat to fit, paint to match."

:D

I didn't think you worked on skydiving planes... :bounce:

We had one weekend where a fellow jumper (friend of mine and AP) had to beat the starter of the right engine with a deadblow every time we wanted to start it up (King Air)...

[krusty the clown]

he's not a fast mechanic and he's not a slow mechanic...........he's a halfasst mechanic

[zuspiel]

I think you're talking about me... :beer:

[Frank Elson]

How tight should it be?
Tighten it until the threads tear out. Then back it off half a turn.

[3 at 8]

Eliemay clamp it

[dxdexter]

Here's a few a grew up with:

That's good enough for government work

A man with two watches never knows the right time

Handy as a pocket in a tee shirt.

You'll never notice that at 60mph

Hotter than the hinges of hell

If it doesn't fit get a bigger hammer.

Hotwrench: Acetylene torch

Thumb wrench: Adjustable Wrench

[davestlouis]

Worked with a guy in a body shop, and whenever he got in trouble with the boss, he said "I got my pussy smacked"

[jjkrjh]

We had a mig welder at the shop that didn't work very well. It was known as the bubble gum machine. If somebody welds something that doesn't look very good, its normal to hear "you got the Big League Chew on there didn't you"

[bayou985]

Move it a c*nt hair....up,down,left,right.....Ya heard Me??

[charlie_nj]

A couple of my late dad's:

If the tool ain't right, the guy ain't too bright.

and

You'll never see that from an airplane.

[Stephenw]

The Government workers motto...

Nothing new after two.

[Elroy]

Blue torque

You know, so tight you're blue in the face

[Elroy]

Move it a c*nt hair....up,down,left,right.....Ya heard Me??


Would that be Red or Blond?

[FakeName]

adjust it just an RCH to the right.

[rcleaver]

It was so cold out, I was shakin' like a dog shittin' razor blades.

[davestlouis]

That guy was meaner than a broke-dick dog...that came from my beloved grandfather, but he worked in a shop, so it counts.

[Elroy]

OK, We see where this is going now:

Have you ever had a Boss that was so tight that his foreskin slid back when he smiled ?? :yikes:

Now that's tight.

[daveblank]

OK, We see where this is going now:

Have you ever had a Boss that was so tight that his foreskin slid back when he smiled ?? :yikes:

Now that's tight.That's almost as good as

"I had trouble sleeping last night"
"Why? did you have a hard on that kept you from closing your eyes?"



I really have heard this one
"I don't see anything wrong with re-checks. To me they're nothing more than job security"

[daveblank]

Body shop saying on one that's pretty bad

"don't worry, it will buff right out"

[ZRX61]

One I use:
Looks like you're doing the work of two men....



... Laurel & Hardy....

[beelsr]

my father-in-law has loads of these old-time sayings:

when doing something half-assed and not with much precision: you're not building the trigger for a nuclear bomb.

when he's getting started: well, i'm going to go do something, even if it's wrong.

and my favorites: you look like the cat's breakfast -or- you look like the last chapter of what's the use.

[Frank Elson]

If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD40.
If you can't fix it with a hammer it'll be an electrical problem.

[garfunkle24]

If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD40.
If you can't fix it with a hammer it'll be an electrical problem.

My Grandad used nearly exactly the same sayings, but he was a farmer so they differed slightly:

If it moves and shouldn't, weld it.
It it doesn't move and should, use WD40.
For everything else there's bailer twine.

[goodfellow]

Old saying about when things are going right on a project -

..."now we're shittin' in high cotton"....

[nightrain00]

For when the bosses are making something way more complicated then it has to be ..."It's not like were shooting monkeys into orbit here"...And my personal favorite cleaned up a little ..."if it has boobs or wheels it will give you problems"...

[mkdive]

For when the bosses are making something way more complicated then it has to be ..."It's not like were shooting monkeys into orbit here"...And my personal favorite cleaned up a little ..."if it has boobs or wheels it will give you problems"...

good ones, subscribed to this thread...lots of these had me laughing hard. Good times!:bounce::bounce:

[MOPARHOUND!]

For when the bosses are making something way more complicated then it has to be ..."It's not like were shooting monkeys into orbit here"

:spit: ROFL!

[91FE]

My go-to's for when the answer to the question is undoubtedly YES...

Is a frog's ass watertight?
Does the Pope shit in the woods?

[rcleaver]

I'd like to help ya out ... which way did ya come in?

[r6_cannibal]

I didn't bust my knuckles, I was simply protecting my ratchet

and one about our favourite thread-lined tape...
If you can't duc it, f*ck it.

[Frank Elson]

Found this link, funny, but not PG
http://www.loganact.com/tips/shopsay.htm

furriner question again lads.
What's "PG" ?
I suppose it's your version of our "PC" - politically correct - but I can't guess the G.

[Diesel-Mech]

furriner question again lads.
What's "PG" ?
I suppose it's your version of our "PC" - politically correct - but I can't guess the G.
Its part of the parental movie rating system, in this case it means parental guidance.

[Danglerb]

furriner question again lads.
What's "PG" ?
I suppose it's your version of our "PC" - politically correct - but I can't guess the G.

USA movie rating system.
G Disney explains life with dogs that don't lick themselves.
PG Dogs may have attitude or pass gas.
PG 13 One of the dogs may die, or smell another dogs rear.
R Dog licks himself with enthusiasm
X Somebody else licks the dog.

[nissan_crawler]

USA movie rating system.
G Disney explains life with dogs that don't lick themselves.
PG Dogs may have attitude or pass gas.
PG 13 One of the dogs may die, or smell another dogs rear.
R Dog licks himself with enthusiasm
X Somebody else licks the dog.

:spit::spit::lol_hitti:lol_hitti:bowdown:

Must...breathe...

[Mmaxed]

USA movie rating system.
G Disney explains life with dogs that don't lick themselves.
PG Dogs may have attitude or pass gas.
PG 13 One of the dogs may die, or smell another dogs rear.
R Dog licks himself with enthusiasm
X Somebody else licks the dog.

:lol_hitti Gotta go. I have to clean off the screen and keyboard.

[Dust]

About our very dirty and poorly maintained shop: Ridden hard and put away wet.

About a part of a vehicle that doesn't look right, or doesn't fit properly: Like a saddle on a hog.

An exclamation of anger, dismay, excitement, surprise, or randomness: Bob Saget!

[Danglerb]

Found a few more.
*************

BRAKE & FRONT END magazine editor Andrew Markel passes along some of the best “one liners” that come from repair orders and the economy of language used by service advisors/writers. Here are a few of the funnier ones.

Service Advisor: Dead bugs on windshield.
Tech: Live bugs on back-order.

SA: Evidence of coolant leak found on passenger floorboard.
Tech: Evidence removed.

SA: Customer can not turn on car.
Tech: Can I see the customer?

SA: Brakes make the car stop suddenly.
Tech: That is what they were designed to do?

SA: Volume of tire noise unbelievably loud.
Tech: Tire noise volume set to more believable level.

SA: Suspect worn brakes.
Tech: Suspect you’re right.

SA: Driver says the engine missing.
Tech: Engine found under the hood after brief search.

SA: Vehicle handles funny.
Tech: Vehicle warned to straighten up and be serious.

SA: Heater fan hums.
Tech: Replaced with heater that knows the lyrics.

SA: Mouse in engine compartment.
Tech: Cat installed.

SA: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a dwarf pounding on something with a hammer.
Tech: Took hammer away from dwarf.

[oldgoat]

Have seen most of the ones that I've used or heard before except these two.
Colder than a witch's t!t in a brass bra
Colder than a well digger's a$$.
It is a three dog night cold outside.

Did I mention that I hate cold weather?

[nightrain00]

I always piss off my foreman with this line when he tells me the engines making a funny sound " Is it funny strange or funny Ha-Ha?" . Oddly enought it's never funny Ha-Ha.

[hymnHim]

Heres one I hear daily.
"Cant make cookies outa dog s**t." or
"Cant polish a turd"
Daily........

[Question]

It takes twice as long, to do it wrong....

[MOPARHOUND!]

Overcoming frustration: "Yard by yard it's hard, inch by inch it's a cinch."

Big breakthrough on a project: "Throw out the wood stove Ethel, we're cooking with gas now!"

Reply during the salesman's spiel: "You could sell ice cubes to eskimos in the dead of winter!"

As the salesman leaves: "If B.S. was music, he'd be a whole brass band."

Sign in shop: "We have to keep our prices low enough to keep your business, but high enough to keep ours."

How you doing?: "Finer than frog hair split 4 ways."

Response to lame excuse/poor prioritizing: "And if the hound hadn't stopped to whiz, he'd have caught the rabbit too!"

Employee encouragement: "Autograph your work with excellence, people will take notice."

Employee chastisement: "Wake up and smell the coffee kid."

How's biz? "Busier than all outdoors in the summer-time."

Barely acceptable quality: "Good enough for the girls I go with."

How fast is it: "It'll outrun a long distance phone call!"

Your job simplified: "Alignment, Assignment, Execution" (Alignment (show up), Assignment (know what you're doing), Execution (Do It!))

[Pop]

Sign in shop: "We have to keep our prices low enough to keep your business, but high enough to keep ours."

Now that's cooler than the backside of a pillow.

[rcleaver]

found a few more.
*************

brake & front end magazine editor andrew markel passes along some of the best “one liners” that come from repair orders and the economy of language used by service advisors/writers. Here are a few of the funnier ones.

Service advisor: Dead bugs on windshield.
Tech: Live bugs on back-order.

Sa: Evidence of coolant leak found on passenger floorboard.
Tech: Evidence removed.

Sa: Customer can not turn on car.
Tech: Can i see the customer?

Sa: Brakes make the car stop suddenly.
Tech: That is what they were designed to do?

Sa: Volume of tire noise unbelievably loud.
Tech: Tire noise volume set to more believable level.

Sa: Suspect worn brakes.
Tech: Suspect you’re right.

Sa: Driver says the engine missing.
Tech: Engine found under the hood after brief search.

Sa: Vehicle handles funny.
Tech: Vehicle warned to straighten up and be serious.

Sa: Heater fan hums.
Tech: Replaced with heater that knows the lyrics.

Sa: Mouse in engine compartment.
Tech: Cat installed.

Sa: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a dwarf pounding on something with a hammer.
Tech: Took hammer away from dwarf.

rofl lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[kf4zht]

Don't look at me in that tone of voice - usually when someone is going on about something

2 or more guys who can't fix somthing - y'all look like a flock of monkeys f****ing a football

And we have named all the hammer in the shop:
Darn it - small ball pein
Da*n it - medium hammer
God Da*n it - big hammer
God f***ing Da*n it - 12 lb sledge
Soft Da*n it - deadblow

[dxdexter]

USA movie rating system.
G Disney explains life with dogs that don't lick themselves.
PG Dogs may have attitude or pass gas.
PG 13 One of the dogs may die, or smell another dogs rear.
R Dog licks himself with enthusiasm
X Somebody else licks the dog.

Now that's funny.:lol_hitti

[Itzkwik]

About the idiots in the shop:
-That boy could break a crowbar
-Like a bull in a china shop, everything he doesn't break, he shits on.

[r6_cannibal]

that boy is weapons-grade stupid.

don't over complicate it! this aint rocket surgery!

[Frank Elson]

'Dont worry lad we'll soon design the simplicity out of it' - Lord Hives, chairman of Rolls Royce, when Frank Whittle carefully explained the principle of the jet engine to him.

[Frank Elson]

USA movie rating system.
G Disney explains life with dogs that don't lick themselves.
PG Dogs may have attitude or pass gas.
PG 13 One of the dogs may die, or smell another dogs rear.
R Dog licks himself with enthusiasm
X Somebody else licks the dog.

merci.

Now I KNOW someone explained how to clean coffee out of a keyboard...

[speed bump]

After finding out that our forms didn't work properly for building a 12x12x6 foot block for the mining competition. "shit, if we hadn't spent the last couple of years in school learning to be engineers this probably would of worked".

When asked if its good enough: Good enough for the girls I go with

Sheet rockers response when something looks bad: Leave it thats the tapers job.

[Danglerb]

He could break a crowbar in a sandbox.

What part of Porsche Racing did you think was going to be inexpensive, the Porsche part or the Racing part?

[Identaltech]

looks good from my house.

[Nik_95Cobra]

My brother always makes me laugh when he says "Tighter than a ducks ass in water". My dad likes to say, "You can't educate the world", when a blowhard comes in and tells a bunch of far fetched stories.

[caper]

It's good from far but far from good.

Customer:What kind of warranty on that job?
Tech:Curb and gutter sir.
Customer:Whats that?
Tech:Over the curb and you gutter!


Tailight warranty-Once the tailights disappear so does the warranty.

[beelsr]

My brother in law is a Mechanical Engineer and used to work for Chrysler. One of the older guys in the office was kind of past his sell-by date and was kept around for historical info and such but by the 90's he was way out of date. He had a propensity for mangling all kinds of sayings and quotes. Needless to say, his co-workers made a list...

I've removed some that were "inside jokes"....

1. "Like pulling 10 lbs of sh*t through a 1 lb hole."
2. "I'm going to fight tooth & toenail."
3. "I'll do a dance with the devil."
4. "F*** me once-shame on me, **** me twice, fire me."
5. "Propelsion"
7. "It's coming to a slow simmer."
8. Resonancy
10. "Lights are on, but nobody lives there."
11. Baffeling Idiot.
12. "PCP pipe" (as opposed to PVC)
14. "Hollitzer" (Howitzer)
15. "VDA" (VDF)
16. "Typhoons" (Tycoons)
18. "Pilico Pete's" (Pinnacle Peak)
20. "Liberalist" (Liberal)
21. "Insultive" (insulting)
23. "28 Tires (4 skids of 12)"
24. "Immensively"
25. "Useless as tits on a bullhog"
26. "Jobbing System"
27. "This dry park is really fast"
28. "String Pods" (string pots)
30. "Profesionalized"
31. "Lasps & Locks" (Hasps & Locks)
32. "Ownership is nine tenths of the law, especially if I have possesion."
33. "The boss has brought down the coloring!"
34. "HOLE GAME" - Is that something Howard plays at home?
35. "Both my teams made it to the Super Bowl, Denver and the PACKARDS."
36. "Try Sammy V's in Wyandotte for great Italian food. They have excellent maTTicotti."
38. "Liberty penalty box." (Liberal)
39. "My knee was swollen like someone put an air gage to it."
40. "Smile and bear it."
41. "My Buddy shot a pole cat."
42. "Slippery as Carter's Liver Pills."
43. "Supposively"
44. "Filament of my imagination"
45. "My phone bill is going to be like the national f***ing phone bill. It's going to look like the government."
46. "I don't want to sound pettily."
47. "My friend had a torn ligament. I think it was his LCU. They put him in a demobilizer."
48. "My time schedules and Carron's just don't collide."
49. "If he doesn't eat soon, he'll famish."
50. "El Nemo" (El Nino)
51. "She was really scared, her face was luke white."
52. "You have a PICTURE LINE to work with." (Window)
53. Baseful (Baseline)
55. "Dis-enable" (Disable)
56. Regatta cheese (what Sammy V's fills Matticoti with)
59. "They march to a different call."
61. "Significate" (signify)
62. "Four valves per motor"
63. "Curtails" (entails)
64. "Sister of Production" (production sister vehicle)
65. "We shipped a whole ton of sh*t & shine"
66. "Its down to the D hour"
67. "Op-Tropical" (Optical?)
69. "Meeting haven is what you gotta do"
70. "I have to pilfage the supply room" (Pillage? Pilfer?)
71. " Bodycation" Body Modification
72. "swamp heater" (air conditioner)
73. "electronic throttle system" (throttle cable)
75. "Like a mouse running up an elephant's leg to rape him"
78. "I found an interesting class--DANGEROUS INTERESTING"
82. "Torquesion bars" (Torsion bars) (written)
83. "I know people that have had computers for 40 years, and their hard drives haven't crashed once"
84. "Rotary Cup" (rotator cuff)
85. "He doesn't add product to life."
86. "I can't even PHANTOM going to my 40th high school reunion."
87. "I'm only looking for ONE THING in a computer: memory, screen size, hard disk size, and software."
88. "Whips and ladders"
89. "We didn't let any sh*t grow under our feet."
90. "Viscon" (Visteon) Also Yesterism "Vistebon"
91. "High CG'd" (high centered)
94. "Parking Slot"
95. While describing going on vacation with his neighbors: "We followed each other dog team style."
96. While describing going on vacation with his neighbors: "I told them we wouldn't stop for gas until we need it."
97. "Dumb truck"--flatbed cab chassis
98. "We just got new boxes, and we're putting VARNISHING on them."
99. "Torque Classifications" (Torque specifications)
100. "Stallmation" Stalemate? Stagnation?
101. "My dad has one step in the grave and the other foot on a banana peel."
106. "Miracles never stop happening."
107. "All my dad left to my sister was 2 dolls, Raggity and Andy"
109. "Re-Designing the Wheel"
110. "It's been raining ALL AFTERNOON, from 10:00 until 2:00"
111. "If you're gonna pay, you have to play"
113. "Torsion and compression shackles" (Tension and compression)
114. Discussing a truck for testing "I've got the vehicle AND the truck"
115. "HAPPY THANKSGIVING AND SAFE ONE" (written)
120. Discussing cell phones: "I leave my son a voicemail, and it prints out on his cell phone."
121. Cell phones again: "He pays $50 per month and gets 2500 minutes of phone."
122. "Shooting at straws" Shot in the dark? Shooting from the hip? Grasping at straws?
123. "Weird Duck" (Weeble)
124. "Receptacle Ball Steering Gear" (Recirculating Ball Steering Gear)
127. "Don't let the door grab your ass."
128. "It was a good class, I learned a lot of things that will help us
severely."
129. "The lab looks like World War III went through it again."
130. "That semi passed the Toyota going so fast--he was hell bent for
election!"
131. "I'm going to the doctor to have my stomach checked out, and see if the virus has healed."
132. "I told the doctor he would have to put the scope down my throat, the other end things don't go out, they only come out."
135. "Markay Continental" Mercury Marquis? Continental Mark Eight?
136. Pointing to Mickey Mouse embroidered on his shirt pocket "That's Goofy!"

[kf4zht]

I forgot one we use

"Able to break a steel ball in a rubber room"

[Delray]

From my Dad by way of his boss: "Do something even if it's wrong" A coworkers favorite: "We were so poor when I was a kid my parents cut holes in my pockets so I would have something to play with"

[bgott]

" Able to break a steel ball bearing with a rubber mallet"

" If that boy's brains were gasoline he wouldn't have enough power there to back a pissant's car out of a pea shell"

Some thing for frustrated mechanics to mention when they are getting ridden over some POS, the 3 IDBIs. " I didn't build it, I didn't buy it, I didn't break it."

[Garage_Mahal]

127. "Don't let the door grab your ass."
I'm gonna have to remember that one!

[mattwgrizwald]

any job big or small do it right or not at all

[06wt]

If it wont go force it, if it breaks it need to be fixed anyway

[TruckTech]

My favorite has to be when I see someone bullshitting/skipping over nonessential items on inspection forums. - "If it was broke, there'd be ticket written for it"

[ZRX61]

My go-to's for when the answer to the question is undoubtedly YES...

Is a frog's ass watertight?
Does the Pope shit in the woods?

& not forgetting:
"Are the Kennedy's gunshy?"

[Steve V.]

He could tear up a crowbar in the middle of the desert with his bare hands.

Make a decision, it's not like you're going to affect the lives of millions of people.

[Steve in SoCal]

A couple from the early days of Top Fuel. A tuners twist- setting the mag. Tipping the can- upping the % of nitro

A sign over the urinal in Elk City Ok. FBO; Pilots with short stacks and low manifold pressure, make short approaches.

Steve

[niss]

A sign over the urinal in Elk City Ok. FBO; Pilots with short stacks and low manifold pressure, make short approaches.

Steve

One I saw similar over the urinals at the 400 wing outside of Barrie, here.

Pilots with short props & low manifold pressure, please taxi closer to the pumps as the next guy may not be on floats.

[kf4zht]

A few more we use

When you don't get what someone is explaining: I'm loster that last years easter egg

A more recent one: Hold on while I do some presidental engineering

[Cambuster]

I'd rather try to put socks on a rooster!

That boy can f*ck up an anvil with a glass hammer!

That boy has got a leak in his sunroof!

[caper]

It's like talking to a stump.

I had one coworker tell the boss he was like a turnip one time,then he said and to make it worse your like a fall turnip you can't even grow anymore.I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard,almost got fired with the guy.

[hydramatic]

On being dumb....his portch lite`s on, but there ain`t nobody home !!!

[94legaleagle]

Before starting a project - I'm going to go do something, even if it ain't right

skinned knuckles - "wrenchbite" or wrench bit me

poor welding job - looks like Big Bird flew over

True story - a gung-ho, getter done w/o 'effing around friend of mine went to work for the railroad - he is assigned to work w/ another RR employ who attempts to teach my friend the railroad worker's "slower" pace of work life - so, over lunch one day, friend's co-worker says

"When Dave came to work for the railroad, we had to tie and anvil to his as and hit him over the head w/ a hammer to get him to slow down. . . . He wore the anvil out, and the hammer broke!"

[torqueman2002]

I just heard one from a guy at work, after sharing some of the ones posted here.

"More excited than a 2 p#$ker billy goat!"

And when someone is being a nit picker:

"He's pickin' fly s*&t from the pepper."

[lilcuda]

My 2 favorites from my machinist days are:

"Never enough time to do it right, always enough time to do it over." - This one was especially useful due to the shortcuts our boss would make us try, only to have them fail.

"Skilled labor isn't cheap, cheap labor isn't skilled." - coined by a guy who worked in our shop for a while, in response to customers that wanted top quality work for next to nothing.