View Full Version : Need some ideas for short funny car sayings

05-01-2007, 01:23 PM
Looking for some short creative phrases to be used on some signs I'm going to make up. Text only. Classic cars, imports, hot rods, technical jargon, they're all game.

For example: "James Dean drove a Porsche...'nuff said."

That's a bad example, but it's all I could think of at the moment. Hopefully you get the idea.

I'm sure you guys have some cool sayings from back in the day or even today.

Thanks in advance!

05-01-2007, 01:32 PM
theres no replacement for displacement.

05-01-2007, 01:41 PM
theres no replacement for displacement.

Awesome. That's the kind of stuff I want. Any others?

05-01-2007, 01:58 PM
Injection is nice but I'd rather be blown

05-01-2007, 02:15 PM
If the car's too loud, you're too old!!!!

the dude
05-01-2007, 02:18 PM
How about:

Ass, Grass or Cash, nobody rides for free.

Get In, Sit Down, Shut Up, and Hold On Tight!

05-01-2007, 02:19 PM
Keep em coming....great ones guys...

Vincent Vega
05-01-2007, 02:23 PM
Grumpy's Garage. We're Not Happy Until you're Not Happy

05-01-2007, 02:23 PM
theres no replacement for displacement.

Sure there is, its called a turbo. :lol_hitti

the dude
05-01-2007, 02:24 PM
Drive it like it's stolen.

Keep honking buddy, I'm reloading (I think that was a bumper sticker I saw)

05-01-2007, 02:31 PM
How 'bout the ol' Rat Fink....
Remeber when sex was safe..and cars were dangerous!!!!:beer:

05-01-2007, 02:35 PM
Forget the house...How big is the garage!!!:thumbup:

05-01-2007, 03:27 PM
one rule for passengers, "no screaming"

05-01-2007, 03:28 PM

05-01-2007, 04:07 PM
my personal favorite: loud pipes save lives

05-01-2007, 04:08 PM
FORD........Found On Road Dead

05-01-2007, 04:18 PM
FORD........Found On Road Dead

FORD..... Fix Or Repair Daily

05-01-2007, 04:25 PM

cracked heads every valve rattles oil leaks every time

05-01-2007, 05:15 PM
If it flies, floats or fuc*s, rent, don't buy.

Faster, Better, Cheaper, which two do you want?

Wrap your a$$ in Fiberglass! (good if you're a Corvette fan)

05-01-2007, 06:17 PM
"Sucks gas and hauls ass!"

"Sit down, shut up, and hang on!"

"Ditch the bitch, let's go driving"

05-01-2007, 06:20 PM
Or one of my personal favorites, something along the lines of:

"She said if I go driving one more time she was gonna leave me...

...I'm sure gonna miss her!"

05-01-2007, 07:38 PM
Sorry if this is Racist.

Poor Old Nigger Thinks Its A Caddilac.

This is for the Aussies.

Heap Of Loud Diff & Engine Noises

This I like. Was a Bumper Sticker here.

Land Rights Now for Gay Refugee Whales.

or this one.

Drive a Hot Rod - Vehicle Recyling Perfected.

best done like a Greenies Sticker or Sign.

05-01-2007, 07:49 PM
Nearly forgot this one from the Cummins Adverts.

V8's are great but a Six Inlines just fine.

05-01-2007, 08:52 PM
WOW! You guys have a lot of good ideas, like I figured you would!

I'm going to start working on the ones you gave me, but if you have any more let me know.


05-01-2007, 09:02 PM
I think this was an actual Chrysler dash sticker;
Do Not Lower Windows at Speeds in Excess of 120 MPH

Or maybe it was;
Do Not Turn On Air Conditioner at Speeds in Excess of 120 MPH

It seems I've seen them somewhere.
"I built mine, you bought yours. Shut the F**k up".

05-01-2007, 09:14 PM
If it has t!ts or tires , its gonna cause trouble.

05-01-2007, 10:44 PM
One of my snowmobile hillclimb race buds has this on his race trailer
"Wide open till you see God, then brake"!!

One of my other buds has this on his sled
" I live with fear and danger every day, & sometimes she lets me go sledding"

05-02-2007, 05:35 AM
"torque it down til it strips...then back it off a quarter-turn"

the dude
05-02-2007, 07:58 AM
My lug nuts require more torque then your honda makes

05-02-2007, 08:50 AM
A classic:
Objects in mirror are slow

On the race car:
Professional Driver.Closed course.Do not attempt.

Seen on the back of a bikers t-shirt:
If you can read this, the b*tch fell off!

05-02-2007, 09:17 AM
FORD........Found On Road Dead

FORD..... Fix Or Repair Daily

I was always fond of : FIAT....Fix It Again Tony

And I am sure bmwpower can relate to this one since you live near Philly: BMW...Break My Window

05-02-2007, 09:30 AM
Hold my trophy while I kiss your girlfriend.

05-02-2007, 11:55 AM
Any suspension will work if you don't let it. -Colin Chapman

05-02-2007, 12:34 PM
saw this one on a 4x4

"Lift em high, fat chicks can't climb"

05-02-2007, 12:54 PM
"I wanna go so fast I think Im gonna die...then Im gonna shift into second"

05-02-2007, 02:05 PM
And I am sure bmwpower can relate to this one since you live near Philly: BMW...Break My Window

I've always been told that it means:
Black Man's Wheels

05-02-2007, 02:29 PM
My favorite:

05-02-2007, 02:35 PM
You never really learn to swear,, until you learn to drive.

A pedestrian is someone who thought there was a few gallons left in the tank.

The best automobile safety device is a rearview mirror with a cop in it

The shorted distance between two points is a construction zone.

It takes nearly 10,000 bolts to put an automobile together, and one nut to scatter it all over.

05-02-2007, 02:37 PM
FORD..... Fix Or Repair Daily

First On Race Day

Uncle B frum Tn
05-02-2007, 03:52 PM
I'm not flying low, just driving fast.


05-02-2007, 03:58 PM
If it has t!ts or tires , its gonna cause trouble.
Similar to this one, "If it has wheels or a skirt, it's gonna give you problems."

05-02-2007, 04:01 PM
Pist 'N' Broke Racing

05-02-2007, 04:04 PM
I got a t-shirt that has printed on the back

"Those whith Golf Balls Golf...
Those with Real Balls Race"

If you car feels safe, you are not going fast enough !

Cheers :beer:

05-02-2007, 04:46 PM
Not necessarily car related, but:

Old enough to know better, still too young to care.

Live fast, die young, leave a good lookin' corpse.

05-02-2007, 04:54 PM
Here are some more......several are repeats from previous posts...

05-02-2007, 11:11 PM
How about:

Ass, Grass or Cash, nobody rides for free.

I remember this one as being "Ass, gas, or grass...nobody rides for free"

Also, Steve McQueen is attributed with this one:

"Racing is Life...Anything that happens before or after is just waiting"

And one false Eleanor Roosevelt "qoute":

"America is all about speed. Hot, nasty, bad ass speed."

05-03-2007, 06:58 AM
If You Want More Inches - Stroke It!!!

05-03-2007, 10:34 AM
If You Want More Inches - Stroke It!!!


05-03-2007, 10:34 AM
"Most sports require one ball to requires two."

05-03-2007, 07:31 PM
lifes a race and injurys are the pace laps
id rather be cummin than strokin
ive got your jeep thing and it burns when i pee

05-04-2007, 08:33 AM
Some quotes from Colin Chapman lifted from Wikipedia:

Anthony Colin Bruce Chapman (9 May, 1928 - 16 December, 1982) was the founder of the British sports car company Lotus and principal of Team Lotus, which won the Formula 1 World Championship seven times.

Simplicate, then add lightness.

You won't catch me driving a race car that I have built. (This remark was obviously tongue-in-cheek, as numerous photos exist of Chapman driving racing cars he built.)

Make the suspension adjustable and they will adjust it wrong -- look what they can do to a Weber carburetor in just a few moments of stupidity with a screwdriver.

To add speed, add lightness.

Any car which holds together for more than a race is too heavy. (Also tongue-in-cheek, as race cars must test and qualify before the start of any race.)

Accountants are the scorers of industry; they have nothing to do with playing the game. (Probably not tongue-in-cheek, as he was implicated in the De Lorean scandal shortly before his death.)

Adding power makes you faster on the straights. Subtracting weight makes you faster everywhere.

05-04-2007, 10:00 AM
FORD = Fricken' Old Rebuilt Dodge

STOP = Speed Through Open Places

05-04-2007, 11:26 AM
BMW = Breakin' My Wallet

05-04-2007, 12:56 PM
JEEP: Just Empty Every Pocket

05-05-2007, 09:13 PM
I forgot one earlier, which I can't believe, since it is my favorite. For all the racers out there:

"You can live in your car, but you can't race your house."

05-06-2007, 11:39 AM
BMW= Bring More Wrenchs
GMC= Got More Class
Saab=Sad attempt at Beauty


05-06-2007, 01:25 PM
Saab=Sad attempt at Beauty

I always thought that was where Saab-story (sob story) came from... :D

And yes, I own one. And yes, I've got quite a few stories as well... :)

05-06-2007, 07:55 PM
My dad had one of the orginal Saab sold over hear. 3 cilender, two cycle, front wheel drive with the engine behind the front axel, the raditor up agaist the firewall so it could double as the heater core. I helped him reach over the fender to pull the engine out so he could overhaul it. I was 12. It must have weighed all of 75 pounds.
Friends were over for dinner one night and asked what kind of car he was working on. When he kept saying "Saab," they said, "Oh, so it is a S.O.B. ?"
In the end, he agreed.

05-06-2007, 09:49 PM
Yep... They are great cars from an engineering standpoint. Lots of neat ideas. Then when you have to do routine maintenance - say change the belts, replace the harmonic balancer, replace the timing chain - and you really start wondering about having the engine reversed...

05-06-2007, 10:29 PM
Sorry U Bought And Real Ugly.

"Tip? You want a tip?...Choke it before you start it."

The post about a mirror reminded me of a time in my youth when myself and a couple of buds got pulled over by the CHP on our bikes. We were messing around on the freeway, pulling wheelies and other nonsense, no baffles in our pipes, etc.

One of my friends was large, but soft-spoken and a really nice guy, although he didn't look it. The cop asked him "I see you have no rearview mirror on your bike. Is that supposed to be cool?"

My friend said, "No, but I have a neck that works. That's cool."

I chuckle every time I think about that. ;)

05-07-2007, 03:05 AM
**Work Warning Video For Language** Two Ton Paperweight! (

05-07-2007, 01:06 PM
I saw this one on an Indy Car Race team tool box on Pit Lane

"We dont race on Elvis's Birthday"

05-07-2007, 03:59 PM
How do you make a small fortune in racing?

Simple. Start with a large fortune.

05-07-2007, 10:13 PM
If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk.

05-07-2007, 10:53 PM
couple offroad ones:

wranglers are for cheerleaders

if i wanted a hummer, i would have asked your sister

i got your jeep thing, now it hurts when i pee

i would drive a jeep, but i hate getting waved at

the bigger it goes, the more money it blows

Joe Grippo
05-08-2007, 03:30 PM
Suck Squeeze Bang Blow

"Customs are for getting the girls,
Hot Rods are for getting away from them" - Robert Williams

Fix it Faster

"Next year Ferrari's ass is mine" - Carroll Shelby

The Surgeon General never said anything about smoking your tires

and my favorite...

"Drag Racing is Far Out" - Jungle Jim Liberman

05-08-2007, 08:02 PM
theres no replacement for displacement.

I just saw this on in a forum discussion on cylinder bore vs. stroke. It made me think of this thread.

As for a substitute for displacement..... All my racing buddies have assured me for years that cubic inches will never outrun CUBIC DOLLARS.

05-11-2007, 02:17 PM
Boost: The replacement for displacement


If it won't go, bore it.
If it still won't go, stroke it.
If it still won't go, chrome it.....


You can have it:
Pick any two.

05-11-2007, 03:51 PM
shop rate:

$45 per hour
$55 if you looked at it
$65 if you touched it
$75 if you watch!

05-11-2007, 06:16 PM
...and $100/hour if my 10-year-old can already see what's wrong...

05-11-2007, 07:04 PM
All throttle......No bottle:3gears:

05-12-2007, 08:42 AM
"A bad day at the racetrack ... is better than any day with the wife"

"Remember when smoking was good ... and drag racing was bad"

05-13-2007, 02:54 PM
My drinking team has a racing problem

05-15-2007, 08:03 PM
"Hang on, I saw this in a movie once!"- bumper sticker

05-16-2007, 02:13 PM
"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder"

Brian C
05-18-2007, 03:09 AM
Bavarian Manure Wagon

05-18-2007, 06:49 PM
My drinking team has a racing problem


I remember my 21st birthday...some co-workers took me to a restaurant in SoCal that had a giant sign over the dining room that said "Work is the Curse of the Drinking Class". I haven't seen any reason to dispute that claim ever since.

05-18-2007, 07:06 PM
GMC Garage Man's Companion

On the back of the local mustang club t-shirt
"All Bling and No Zing, Makes Johnny a Ricer"

05-18-2007, 11:30 PM
Second Sucks! Good for dashboard of race car.

What goes in the garage, stays in the garage.

05-18-2007, 11:32 PM
Hold my beer and watch this!

famous last words department...

07-14-2007, 07:47 PM
Have fun, take out your rod and play with it... On a quiet night you can hear a FORD rust, BOAT Bring Out Another Thousand

Steve V.
07-14-2007, 11:06 PM
I'm not speeding, I'm qualifying.

I've seen these before....

I'm not tailgating, I'm drafting
I'd rather push a Ford than drive a Chevy

And my personal favorite bumper sticker...

Back off or I'll flick a booger on your windshield



07-16-2007, 02:32 PM
built... not bought...

don't follow me.. you won't make it!

07-16-2007, 02:44 PM
"My drinking team has a racing problem." :D

07-16-2007, 02:50 PM
If you see this car on a trailer, call the police, because it is stolen!

07-16-2007, 08:16 PM
Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield

"there are only 3 real sports: Bullfighting, mountain climbing and auto racing." - Ernest Hemmingway

07-17-2007, 03:58 AM
"It might my slow, but at least it's heavy" I'm not too sure where that one came from.

One from a female friend of mine: "If it's got a stick, kick or dick, I can ride it"

07-18-2007, 03:05 PM
Speed cost…How fast you want to go?

Winning isn’t everything but losing sucks!

To finish first, first you must finish.

We don’t have time to do it right but we do have time to do it twice.

Race Naked

07-18-2007, 09:14 PM
Bottles are for babies real men like to be blown!

07-18-2007, 09:37 PM
real cars don't spin the front tires, they lift them

07-19-2007, 02:13 AM
Here are a few;

Buick- Going Fast with Class
Best use is Corvette Killing
Vetkllr (Vette Killer) on a license plate
Hemiklr (hemi Killer) on a license plate

GMC Great Mountain Climer
Great Mustang Crusher

BMW Brought Mechanic With
Brought My Wallet
Big Manley Woman
Big Mexican Woman

On a freinds race car the front plate says "Nitrous is for Pussys"

07-19-2007, 11:04 PM
I think the thing to consider is the reason behind the signs. Who do you want to reach with them? What are you selling . One of the things in marketing is to understand the needs of those you want to market your product to. Any form of advertising has to appeal to those needs and you have to know that what sells to one economic group of customers may not to others. I studied this in college.

07-21-2007, 09:23 PM
one from an old football coach..

Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing

09-12-2007, 12:41 PM
Speed up until police or God hauls you in... whichever come first.

09-12-2007, 03:24 PM
Hot Rodding, Giving back to society one fine at a time...

Nitrous Oxide is like dating a hot chick with a STD. You want to hit it but your afraid of the consenquences...

09-12-2007, 03:42 PM
What's behind you is not important

Drive it like you stole it

09-14-2007, 12:16 AM
"Yes, it's FAST, No, you can't drive it."

For the racer in you...............
"If you're not cheating, you're not trying."

This one came from Neil Bonnett.......
"The difference between LOOSE and TIGHT, is whether or not YOU get to see the wreck."

09-15-2007, 07:50 AM
Tight is tight. Too tight is two pieces.

Never use force, use a bigger hammer. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

If you crossthread a bolt, there's no need for Loctite.

The one I tell the girlfriend: Keep both hands and feet on the ride at all times. Do not get off the ride until the ride comes to a complete stop.

09-15-2007, 08:30 AM
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal. - Henry Ford

When you come to a fork in the road, take it. - Yogi Berra

Imagination is more important than knowledge. - Albert Einstein

The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. - Walt Disney

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. -
M.K. Gandhi

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. - Zig Ziglar

I don't want realistic! I want magic! - Tenessee Williams

There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity. - Douglas MacAurthur

Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently. - Henry Ford

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together... - Carl Zwanzig

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

I suppose that I shall have to die beyond my means. - Oscar Wilde

I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way. - Carl Sandburg

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. - Oscar Levant

Men who never get carried away should be. - Malcolm Forbes

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do. - Dale Carnegie

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. - Carl Sagan

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - Russell Baker

09-15-2007, 08:37 AM
Since the above were more motivational, I thought you might want some links to bumper stickers:

09-16-2007, 08:35 PM
"Jerry Tank"
Geriatric(medical term) for old folks
Tank = any big a** car that has a blue hair behind the wheel going 2.5mph going down the road that need not be on the road.
(IE)Caddys Ole' Lincoln

09-16-2007, 08:44 PM
Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield

"there are only 3 real sports: Bullfighting, mountain climbing and auto racing." - Ernest Hemmingway

When they hit the windshield or radiator the last sight they see is there B-hole.
So in saying that S*** hit the fan.

09-26-2007, 05:51 AM
If you cant race it or take it to bed, then it aint worth having.

If bottles are for babies then why are YOU the one crying.

09-30-2007, 07:39 AM
BMW= Bunch Money Wasted
BMW= Brain Matter Wasted

10-01-2007, 01:05 AM
"If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch."

"Go heavy or go home."

"Run what you brung and hope you brought enough."

"MOPAR-Move Over Plymouth Approaching Rapidly."

"MOPAR-Mostly Old Parts And Rust."

"MOPAR-My Old Pig 'Aint Running."

"Stay in the truck and don't play with the radio."

08-03-2012, 01:59 PM
SAAB : South American Ass Buster.


08-03-2012, 02:17 PM
not resposible for items left in shorts.....


Heavy Metal Doctor
08-03-2012, 02:40 PM
The more I learn about women, the more I like my (insert vehicle of choice).

08-03-2012, 02:41 PM
Built Ford tough with Chevy stuff
Chrome dont get you home. (

08-03-2012, 02:58 PM
Another Phoenix rises from the dead.

no neat sig line

08-03-2012, 03:06 PM
Acohol is for drinking
Nitro is for racing.

Dustin Echoes
08-03-2012, 03:17 PM

Can't Hear Every Valve Rattling On Long Extended Trips.

keyser sose
08-03-2012, 03:22 PM
I brake for tailgaters!

I brake for hallucinations!

I brake for no reason at all!

I brake for nothing!

Consuming natural resources as fast as I can!


Rag Roc
08-03-2012, 03:26 PM
"My brother has a Roush" .........."Can't the Dr prescribe an ointment for it?"

08-03-2012, 03:32 PM
shop rate:

$45 per hour
$55 if you looked at it
$65 if you touched it
$75 if you watch!

Here's mine!

Shop Rates:
$40 per hour
$50 per hour if you watch.
$55 per hour if you talk.
$75 per hour if you help.
$100 per hour if I replace what you said was wrong and it doesn't fix the problem!

08-03-2012, 03:33 PM
(Insert favorite bike brand her) Parking only -- All others will be dechromed!

08-03-2012, 03:47 PM
Been there, done that, got the t shirt.

Drive it like a rental.

From a tire advertisment: Fun is not straight line.

Rag Roc
08-03-2012, 03:47 PM
Caution a-holes in mirror are closer than they appear.

Your import sounds like my a@# after a night of Mexican food.

AND personally, I want to add the letter U with a magic marker to every TRD sticker on a Toyota.

08-03-2012, 03:51 PM
Acohol is for drinking
Nitro is for racing.

Gas is for & Petrol is for lawn mowers

08-03-2012, 03:53 PM
Bumper sticker from an engine balancing shop.
"Her toys should vibrate, not yours"

08-03-2012, 03:54 PM
Caution a-holes in mirror are closer than they appear.

Your import sounds like my a@# after a night of Mexican food.

AND personally, I want to add the letter U with a magic marker to every TRD sticker on a Toyota.

I hear they write RE bofore the TRD sticker

08-03-2012, 04:20 PM
Harley's don't leak they just mark there spot.

08-03-2012, 04:30 PM
HYBRID: This vehicle burns gas and rubber

08-03-2012, 05:03 PM
Having trouble fixing your FORD??? Flip Over and Read Directions

The F-body is like the Corvette's fat little sister...still hot, but is a bit loose.

"There is no shame in owning a V6. Anyone that makes fun of you is just upset that they spent more money than you, and their penis didn't get any bigger..."

08-03-2012, 05:48 PM
"Everything is neater when you're sittin' in a beater!"

08-03-2012, 09:27 PM
Years ago bumper sticker on chevy "VEGA". When I grow up, I'm gonna

be a funny car! !


08-03-2012, 09:44 PM
GMC = Gods Mechanical Curse
PONTIAC ( politically correct) = Poor Old Nut Thinks Its A Cadillac
FORD = Fast Only Rolling Downhill, Found On Road Dead
BMW = Bring My Wrenches
VIBE = Vehicle Is Broken Everyday
GTP = Go To Parts

08-03-2012, 09:49 PM
If you're not first you're last!!!

08-04-2012, 10:11 AM
Another Phoenix rises from the dead.

thats pretty much my first thought too, and by a newbie poster.

08-04-2012, 11:14 AM
my favorite..
Got Boost?

08-04-2012, 12:07 PM
Ash's to ash's dust to dust if it weren't for fords my tools would rust!

You are in Chevy country,On a quiet night you can hear a ford rust!

Second place is just the first loser!

Bar Ditch
08-04-2012, 12:29 PM
Put it to the wood!

Ain't nothin finer than an inliner.

Don't judge a car by it's paint job.

Drop the clutch and letter' light, if she starts a hookin', ya know she's right!

08-04-2012, 01:10 PM
When the green light pops,The bullshit stops!!

08-04-2012, 08:26 PM
"shiny side up, Rubber side down"

"If someone told her to haul ass, she'd have to make 2 trips"

"Chrome dont get ya Home"

parrot head
08-04-2012, 11:15 PM
for air cooled vw's "better to hear it clatter than to see it scatter"

08-04-2012, 11:23 PM
I can't lose racing your V8 with my volkswagen

even if you beat me are you going to brag that you beat a volkswagen

08-04-2012, 11:23 PM
drive it in ..push it out

are you growing a mushroom farm under that car ? been in one spot so long

boomerang ,.goes out and comes right back

gravy boy

lift radiator cap and roll a whole new car under it