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Old 07-22-2013, 12:47 AM   #1
cowboyjosh
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Default Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

I'm not a very "deep" person but I am bothered at this late hour. For the 3rd time in 3 years I am watching a good friend of mine die from cancer. I lost a buddy back in September of 2010, another in 2012, and now another has ceased all treatments as of last week and is at home with Hospice care. I saw him again today, and I can't help but wonder what it must be like to be in his position knowing he is not going to see this years World Series, another Christmas, or the Super Bowl; I know I could drop dead tomorrow, but knowing for a fact that you have weeks, if not days to live. Has anyone else ever thought about this? I know he has made peace with the fact that his time is up (he is only 29), but the rest of us, his family and friends, have not.
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Old 07-22-2013, 12:59 AM   #2
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

Make the best of it. And remember him for who he is, not how he is. I'm a firm believer that's when its your time its your time. I'm sorry to hear about your hard ship. But im sure he probaly doesnt want any pitty. Godspeed to your friend.
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Old 07-22-2013, 01:00 AM   #3
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

Yeah, I think about it.

What would destroy me is leaving my family.

I wish I could relieve your and his suffering; I'm very sorry.
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Old 07-22-2013, 01:02 AM   #4
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

Sorry to hear about your friends, I know it's rough, I've lost a couple friends and acquaintances to cancer in the past couple years too, all before their time, so I've been doing some similar thinking.

The toughest thing about watching those close to us die is the reminder that we all must face death eventually, knowing it's soon and certain just places those same facts right in our faces, in a place they cannot be ignored... can we make that peace with ourselves, with our situations? that's the hardest part of all.

Live everyday like it might be your last, not in a macho way, I mean in a way you'll be missed, in a way that you might go in peace, do good. -Paul

(usually not a "deep person" either, not on internet forums anyway, honestly I just came to buy some tools but this caught my eye and it is a subject that's been on my mind a lot recently).
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Old 07-22-2013, 01:03 AM   #5
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

Never easy to deal with. I try not to think about it but then I could cross the road tomorrow and be hit by a car. Like you I have seen friends pass and they are happy right to the end. How they do it knowing what is happening I do not know.

How about you ? Are you dealing with all this ? Do not be afraid to talk to others about what troubles you. Have a beer with some mates and talk it over.
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Old 07-22-2013, 01:11 AM   #6
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

Your last sentence sums it up and says it all.
He has made his peace with it, therefore from here on it's just bonus time on his part and yours too. Sometimes I think it's harder for the living to make peace with something like this than it is the dying.

The holidays are one thing, but I learned years ago from someone laying there dying that the stuff like the world series and the super bowl don't matter to them anymore. It's about having family and good friends come and say hello and goodbye in the same visit.

Just be there as much as you can...
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Old 07-22-2013, 01:28 AM   #7
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

29 is just way too young.

My Mother-In-Law passed away in 2010. She was an inspiration to me in many ways and one thing she always said was "Life is for the living" and that's the way I try and approach things.

I'm 48 and sometimes think about how much time I may have left. Heck... I'm lucky to have made it this far.

I really don't know how I would react to staring death in the face? I would hope that I could find some kind of peace.
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Old 07-22-2013, 01:36 AM   #8
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

In a way I'm glad this thread came about. Monday my mom went into hospice due to final stages of Alzheimers. Tuesday she had a stroke and no longer can talk. I've wanted to bring this to the forum, but didn't know how, I guess for some relief. She's the toughest woman I've ever known and she's put up one hell of a fight. I know she's come to the point of accepting it and has given up, thus the stroke. It's tough to watch this, but knowing she's had 85 good years is a little relief (I guess). 3 years ago I watched my best friend die from tonque cancer at 54 years old. He couldn't talk either. That was real hard, knowing he had plenty of things to live for. It all sucks, but I guess we have to go someday. You have my sympathies my friend.
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Old 07-22-2013, 01:40 AM   #9
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

I noticed I put space between myself and others who have stepped closer to their end (major, hospitalization required steps.) And I think it's partially because it's hard to deal with the end when you haven't made peace as your friend has. It's something I contemplate and don't want to again, but know I will.

Actually one Father of a long-time friend of my wife's yesterday said something to my younger child. Gives him a kiss and says it might be the last one he gets. That to me says his recent hospital trips have him realizing his own mortality.

I'm hoping to need about 40 years or more to be ready.

Please keep communicating with others as you're doing. It helps to talk things out and it'll help the others at some point too.
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Old 07-22-2013, 07:13 AM   #10
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

As someone who has chronic heart problems, (but who could live to be 90, too!) I understand.

Life has no guarantees or warranties. You get what you get--and best plan for the worst. Make sure (as best you can) that your family is going to be taken care of, and realize that we all will eventually die, act accordingly and don't do anything to hasten the process!

Sorry to hear about your friends. As we get older this happens, it is difficult (I've lost a lot of friends over the years, both heart and cancer) and there is no magic spell to make it any better.

BTW anyone who is negative about a decision to stop treatment needs to spend more time thinking about the process. There comes a time when we must admit that it is over, that there is no benefit to extending the pain and suffering for either the person or their family.
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Old 07-22-2013, 07:55 AM   #11
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

I was literally on my deathbed last year and made a near full recovery. A lot of people didn't see me when I was in the hospital, most were sure I was going to die and I suppose many didn't want to see me on a ventilator with 20 i.v.'s in me looking like that. For weeks I was afraid I was going to die every day. It was also a painful experience, every breath hurt and I was exhausted. There were a lot of times I hoped it might be over soon. I believe that when life is nothing but suffering death can be a welcome relief. My grandmother who passed a few weeks ago said essentially the same thing. She was 90 and could no longer feed herself or get around on her own. She was ready and happy to go. She didn't suffer and it was a quick and painless end for her. Sometimes it's just time and eventually we'll all face it. I don't think the World Series will come to mind though, there are much more important things like family, love, faith, etc. I also think it is often harder on those that remain than the one who passes, especially if their suffering has also come to an end.
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Old 07-22-2013, 08:37 AM   #12
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

Jazz makes a good point there......

Today I'm helping my across the street neighbor and "garage buddy" - a guy I trade tools with and help all the time - bury his 31 year old son. John took his life last Monday. He didn't leave a note, but his Mom said he's been "gone" for a couple years now. His health problem was mental instead of physical.

All we can do is help those who remain get on with their lives and be the best person we can to those in our lives too.

Spock says "Live Long, and Prosper"

I never took that to mean financially, as much as to simply have the best life you can with what you have, and for as long as you can.
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Old 07-22-2013, 09:16 AM   #13
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

A good friend of mine died from 2 year battle with colon cancer in January at 44 years old. He was stuck in denial/defiance the entire time. On Xmas day I heard him tell his 7 year old son that he was getting better and would be home soon. This was 25 days into his stay in palliative, where they no longer treat the primary disease. He didn't leave that room breathing again.

He made no plans, left no instructions, and since everything went to "The Estate", everything was subject to probate, and the fee$ associated with that. When all is said and done, the best part of $50K will be pissed away to lawyers and taxes, ALL of which could have been prevented. That $50K today would have been enough to put the 7 year old through University in 10 or so years. And his son gets to wonder why the last thing his dad told him was untrue.

I've yet to meet the person that isn't going to die, so it only makes sense to prepare for our own death. It doesn't take much to have a properly prepared will, to have financial papers worked out......I review my wills, etc. every couple of years. My will today reflects what needs to happen should I die today. In ten years circumstances may change, (are their now grandchildren to consider), so my will may change accordingly.

I'm 47, if I'm lucky I'll have another 47 years.....but I don't fear or worry about death. I've got too much life to enjoy. When I'm dead things for me will be exactly like they were for me before I was born. While I'm alive, the only things that matter are Truth and Love.....all the good things in life derive from that. If it isn't about Truth and/or Love...it doesn't matter.

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Old 07-22-2013, 09:29 AM   #14
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

Hard for me to read this forum, let alone thing about it. I feel sorry for what you are going through, now and in the future.
Stay strong!
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Old 07-22-2013, 09:37 AM   #15
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

My parents were in their 90's (mom was 93 and dad was 95) both had to go into nursing homes. My mom, more or less, willed herself to die we believe. My dad, as tough as he was all his life, was actually afraid of dieing I think. He had dementia/Alzheimer's, and he went out with a fight other than I think the nursing home he was in, keeps most of their patients drugged up.

Myself, because of my parents, and also being born to older parents, I find myself thinking about it quite often. I'm not so much "afraid" of dieing, but I am afraid of leaving this world from my last destination being a nursing home. I think my parents were the same way, although they never did mention it. I want to leave this world from the confines of my home. I don't want to leave before my wife. I want her to be taken care of by me until the day we depart. But I want to take care of her and not the other way around. I've thought about it many times, and I may just leave this world, when I choose to. To some, that may sound selfish, but I DO NOT want to be in a nursing home, and I do not want to be a burden on anyone. When my time comes, people will be taken care of as we spelled out in a Will. The last thing I would hate to have in life is being a shut in and someone having to change my shitty diaper. I've made up my mind that I won't get to that point.

Dealing with both of my parents, and some on here remembers what all I went through with them, my sisters, then my wife's cancer, then my back to back multiple surgeries, then eventually had a nervous breakdown, it affected me to where I have a hard time most days enjoying life. I've spoke with a professional a few times, but everything together that happened, made me reflect back on growing up and how fucked up things really were with my life and a lot of the mistakes I made. My parents argued just about 7 days a week and I was stuck in the middle. I've tried all my life to make up for things that I did by helping out anyone I can, anyway I can. Then I look at things and what I missed out on and I'm gong on 57. Everyday that goes by is one day closer to the end. When you're young, 20 years seems like an eternity, but if I just happen to live to be in my 70's, 20 years is just around the corner. I just keep hoping that some morning I get up, and things turn around some to the point I can laugh and joke around some. One thing I am thankful for is Garage Journal. It's sort of a release AND a relief to get on here and be able to talk with others and it gives one a good feeling that at least on here, one has friends. Lord knows there's not any around this town. Most of my friends were at work, but with everyone it seems, the cliques are only at the shop. Once a person is out of there, most are forgotten about.

Shit....what a depressing thread this is
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Old 07-22-2013, 09:49 AM   #16
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

The timing of this subject is scary because of whats gone on up home recently. A family thats friends with my parents and sisters, the dad a couple weeks ago was rushed to the ER and found he had multiple brain tumors, and was given a month maybe but he died on saturday.

I'm okay going like that, i'd prefer it over suffering or sitting in a nursing home waiting to die, but at the end i'd want to be seeing my family, my best friends and mostly holding my girlfriend because those are the memoies if i could take i would chose.

The whole will and life insurance policy is something i really should do because i don't have alot but it would help out my family and girlfirend because right now i just have the insurance thru work.
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Old 07-22-2013, 10:04 AM   #17
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

I have a BIL, or I should say my wife has a BIL which is her sisters husband. I have to admit, he is a real dick, and no one in the family cares for him at all, but he is married to the wife's sister. We've caught him being up to no good on a couple of occasions, but the wifes sister refuses to see it. He's my age. He went to a friends house to play cards one day and sitting at the table he fell asleep. They tried t wake him up but he wouldn't wake up. They called his wife and the first thing everyone thought was that he may have O.D.'d on painkillers and alcohol. They called the squad and it was determined he was clean, which was a huge surprise, but he had a massive stroke. He can't walk, he can't eat by himself, he has to have his ass wiped, and she is going to bring him home within a month. The wifes sister has arthritis and a bad back and there is no way in hell she is going to be able to take care of him. Myself, and even others, say this is Karma getting back at him for all the shit he's done to people. But now, he is going to drag her down by having to bath and feed him.

I do not ever want to be in a position that my wife would have to do that with me. I told her many a time, if I ever got that way, load up the gun, go shopping, and I'll call the squad before hand. I truly believe that they should just have left Jack Kevorkian alone and let people choose that they want to go, before they become a burden on others. Just like with the wifes sister, she worked all her life for what she's got, now a portion of it in the end goes to settle a Medicaid bill.
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Old 07-22-2013, 10:16 AM   #18
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kevin54 View Post
I do not ever want to be in a position that my wife would have to do that with me. I told her many a time, if I ever got that way, load up the gun, go shopping, and I'll call the squad before hand. I truly believe that they should just have left Jack Kevorkian alone and let people choose that they want to go, before they become a burden on others. Just like with the wifes sister, she worked all her life for what she's got, now a portion of it in the end goes to settle a Medicaid bill.
I agree with this 100%, and hope it never comes to that for me. People that get to the place where their health is so bad that living is hell should have the right to end it, but thats wrong and we can't have that.
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Old 07-22-2013, 10:38 AM   #19
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Default Re: Knowing Your Life is Almost Over

I have a good friend that lost his mom some years ago, 2 years later he lost his wife, 2 years later he lost his dad who spent everyday at the shop with his son. After that all he had left was his daughter and a sister. He and the sister became very close after the death of thier dad. A few weeks ago his sister suddenly passed and he now is face with being the only one left. He has a girlfriend and is living his life to the fullest knowing that anytime it may be over
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Old 07-22-2013, 10:44 AM   #20
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My oldest Son is 38 when he was little he used to say “Dad I feel sorry for old people because they’ll going to die soon”. I’d tell him don’t feel sorry for them... they lived their lives, you try to live yours, it takes a lot to live to seventy. His Daughter (my grand-daughter) passed one month ago at 17. People make foolish mistakes & it cost her, her life. My Father passed at 60 from lung cancer & after he told me what he had he just said “what are you going to do everybody gets a turn”. Death is a part of life. All you can do is remember those that have gone before you.
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