Bolster
Well-known member
On Labor Day I like to waste some otherwise productive time, in honor of the Labor Movement. Thus, my updated sociology and anthropology of Racheteers, first published in 2009. From my personal research, and the aid of my many research assistants on this board, we have been able to isolate these distinct toolish tribes:
Snap-oids
Macons
Matconiacs
Protonauts
Plomorons
Bluepointies
SKophants
Pee-bee Swiss
Herbrandophites (discovered by B&WP)
Craftmites
Harfers
Amazingly, some of these tribes are represented by various Simpsons characters.
The Snap-oids are showy, aggressive tribe, who populate the largest land-mass and consume the majority of available resources. Most Snap-oids are also wrenchists, thinking their tools are superior to all else. Kent Brockman is a Snap-oid: “Fetch me my gold plated ratchet, and someone to turn it for me, and damn the cost!”
Bluepointies want to be Snap-oids but can't afford the rent.
Macons and Matconiacs have traditionally been the primary competitors to Snap-oids, but the Macons (Stanloids) may gradually be going extinct. Matconians, on the other hand, are a vigorous tribe. Officially they are Upper Danaherians, but over time they are bearing an increasingly strong resemblance to other (mostly Asian) Danaherians through inbreeding.
Protonauts (who are actually Stanloids) believe they're morally superior tribe because they are "the true industrial brand" with a higher calling. They evolved from the Plomborons. Plomborons are mostly extinct, but a few can still be found rooting around at flea markets, collecting old, clunky tools just because they're old and clunky. Scruffy (from Futurama) is a Protonaut (“Mm-hmm!”) and Grandpa Simpson is a Plomboid (“Your cordless what, now?”)
SKophants used to have a nice system but a recent earthquake in SKophantia has seen hard times put upon the SKophants, many of whom are considering joining alternate tribes if their homelands are offshored.
Pee-bee Swiss – Similar in rank to the Snap-oids, but of foreign extraction, with a much much smaller tool set (can only do work involving screwdrivers or chisels), and with flamboyantly gay colored tools. Mr. Smithers is a Pee-bee and has an extensive wall-mounted collection (including gold plated drivers) that never get dirty, stored next to his collection of still-in-box Barbie dolls.
The Herbrandophites are in fact the same as the hermaphrodites, just a slightly different spelling. Having both male & female reproductive organs, they tend to be quite content by themselves, enjoying their own company and not needing a lot of additional social interaction. So telling a Herbrandophite to take his tools and go play by himself, or play with himself, is essentially the same thing.
The humble Craftmites (Lower Danaherians) are a populous but defenseless race of home-bodies and putzers who know better than to challenge the other tribes; they'll get pummeled. Everybody beats them up for sport. A devout tribe, they congregate to worship at Sears. Homer is a Craftmite. He prefers sticking Craftsman claw-hammers in his eye.
Harfers are a recently discovered, but evolutionarily important transition link of knuckle-draggers and knuckle-busters who buy their tools exclusively at Harbor Freight. When not dumpster-diving for 20% coupons and lunch, they’re rooting through bins of pre-broken tools at HF. After purchasing, the rest of their available time is spent belligerently justifying their purchases and returning broken tools. Natural competitors to the Lower Stanloids. Cleetus is a Harfer.
There are still many tribes to be explored:
Cornwellians
Armstroids (more Danaherians)
Williamites
Wrightonians
Hazetons (of foreign extraction, and who contest Snap-oids for top place)
Bonneyvillians
Napadians
Huskivites (Stanloids?)
Cobaldians
Duroids & Indestroids (long extinct)
Weramaniacs
Toptooligans
Facomites (more Stanloids?)
Fleetosaureses
If you have additional information on these or other tribes you are requested to post here.
Snap-oids
Macons
Matconiacs
Protonauts
Plomorons
Bluepointies
SKophants
Pee-bee Swiss
Herbrandophites (discovered by B&WP)
Craftmites
Harfers
Amazingly, some of these tribes are represented by various Simpsons characters.
The Snap-oids are showy, aggressive tribe, who populate the largest land-mass and consume the majority of available resources. Most Snap-oids are also wrenchists, thinking their tools are superior to all else. Kent Brockman is a Snap-oid: “Fetch me my gold plated ratchet, and someone to turn it for me, and damn the cost!”
Bluepointies want to be Snap-oids but can't afford the rent.
Macons and Matconiacs have traditionally been the primary competitors to Snap-oids, but the Macons (Stanloids) may gradually be going extinct. Matconians, on the other hand, are a vigorous tribe. Officially they are Upper Danaherians, but over time they are bearing an increasingly strong resemblance to other (mostly Asian) Danaherians through inbreeding.
Protonauts (who are actually Stanloids) believe they're morally superior tribe because they are "the true industrial brand" with a higher calling. They evolved from the Plomborons. Plomborons are mostly extinct, but a few can still be found rooting around at flea markets, collecting old, clunky tools just because they're old and clunky. Scruffy (from Futurama) is a Protonaut (“Mm-hmm!”) and Grandpa Simpson is a Plomboid (“Your cordless what, now?”)
SKophants used to have a nice system but a recent earthquake in SKophantia has seen hard times put upon the SKophants, many of whom are considering joining alternate tribes if their homelands are offshored.
Pee-bee Swiss – Similar in rank to the Snap-oids, but of foreign extraction, with a much much smaller tool set (can only do work involving screwdrivers or chisels), and with flamboyantly gay colored tools. Mr. Smithers is a Pee-bee and has an extensive wall-mounted collection (including gold plated drivers) that never get dirty, stored next to his collection of still-in-box Barbie dolls.
The Herbrandophites are in fact the same as the hermaphrodites, just a slightly different spelling. Having both male & female reproductive organs, they tend to be quite content by themselves, enjoying their own company and not needing a lot of additional social interaction. So telling a Herbrandophite to take his tools and go play by himself, or play with himself, is essentially the same thing.
The humble Craftmites (Lower Danaherians) are a populous but defenseless race of home-bodies and putzers who know better than to challenge the other tribes; they'll get pummeled. Everybody beats them up for sport. A devout tribe, they congregate to worship at Sears. Homer is a Craftmite. He prefers sticking Craftsman claw-hammers in his eye.
Harfers are a recently discovered, but evolutionarily important transition link of knuckle-draggers and knuckle-busters who buy their tools exclusively at Harbor Freight. When not dumpster-diving for 20% coupons and lunch, they’re rooting through bins of pre-broken tools at HF. After purchasing, the rest of their available time is spent belligerently justifying their purchases and returning broken tools. Natural competitors to the Lower Stanloids. Cleetus is a Harfer.
There are still many tribes to be explored:
Cornwellians
Armstroids (more Danaherians)
Williamites
Wrightonians
Hazetons (of foreign extraction, and who contest Snap-oids for top place)
Bonneyvillians
Napadians
Huskivites (Stanloids?)
Cobaldians
Duroids & Indestroids (long extinct)
Weramaniacs
Toptooligans
Facomites (more Stanloids?)
Fleetosaureses
If you have additional information on these or other tribes you are requested to post here.
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That's an awesome explanation lol
