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Between 265 & 485 SQ/FT The Gleaming Towers of One Utahdog Center, World Congress of the Americas

Workspaces sized between 265 and 485 squarefeet.
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utahdog2003

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down at the rec center watchin' folks swim
The Gleaming Towers One Utahdog Center, World Congress of the Americas

It has been nearly a decade since I discovered Garage Journal, back then called the Garage Junkies, forum. In the time since, I’ve marveled at some of the creations and solutions that the board participants here have come up with. I guess it’s time now, after sitting in the weeds and shamelessly poaching your good ideas and ganking your pictures, to finally participate.

Therefore, the Top Brass and I, holed up as we are in the stark marble halls of the Executive Suites here in One Utahdog Center, World Congress of the America's, have determined that the time has come for us to unveil our nearly 15 year journey toward our current enviable position of mass global cultural **********. It's been a long haul, and the wreckage of many a fine corporate executive litters our trodden path.

OK not really. I’m just a guy that finally got a garage.

The story will traverse two homes, three sheds, a carport and a two car garage. There will be graphic accounts of sordid illicit behavior. It is the story of 15 bicycles, 9 cars, 27 stray cats, some raccoons and a plastic chicken. Still, it will be painfully boring to most, and likely highly irritating to the rest, but what the hell. I’m a Floridian after all, and we have been embarrassing our nation-mates, and boring our more educated and reasoned neighbors to tears for decades.

Comments and feedback welcome. More to come.
 
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rubberrodder

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Tacomatose Wa.
I like the fine sounding, high-toned, oratorical, quasi political/carnival barker style of putting forth your personal theorem and philosophical view point. As well as your ability to engage in the construction of an automotive dwelling and workspace. With all earnestness, I look forward to further postings upon this electronic media we so enjoy.
OR...for the unwashed masses, I like your writing style and want to see the garage go up!
 
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Crown

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Jan 21, 2014
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FLat land
This thread put a smile on my face, and it's just beginning...
I'll subscribe for updates.
 
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utahdog2003

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Feb 7, 2006
Messages
118
Location
down at the rec center watchin' folks swim
zkling said:
That is one RED shed.
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It is. I guess previous owners subscribed to the theory that if it was **** but a funky color then it was intentionally **** and therefore funky. Or something like that. It kept the tools out of the rain for the first few years we were in the old house.


Squankum said:
What's in the shed?!!

What's in the sheddddd?!!!
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Nothing fun. Franken-Mower, yard tools, ladder. Stuff like that. The fun bits were in the carport out front.

rubberrodder said:
I like the fine sounding, high-toned, oratorical, quasi political/carnival barker style of putting forth your personal theorem and philosophical view point. As well as your ability to engage in the construction of an automotive dwelling and workspace. With all earnestness, I look forward to further postings upon this electronic media we so enjoy.
OR...for the unwashed masses, I like your writing style and want to see the garage go up!
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Thanks! Every once in a while I'll shift gears and start writing like Ernest Hemingway too. So if the high falootin' business talk doesn't irritate the **** out of you, that surely will.;)


Crown said:
This thread put a smile on my face, and it's just beginning...
I'll subscribe for updates.
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Appreciate it. There's a lot of nice threads and projects out there on GJ, so I'm happy you all stopped in to take a look. I'll try not to disappoint.
 
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utahdog2003

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Messages
118
Location
down at the rec center watchin' folks swim
All friendly watercooler bantering aside. Infrastructure investments were long overdue. The Investors (my wife) were restless, and tired of living in the Run Down Converted Warehouse and Shipping Facilities of One Utahdog Center, World Congress of the America's, so something had to be done.

"The upstairs neighbor's bathtub drain just fell through the bathroom ceiling! And what the $#^& is that SMELL!? Something HAS to be done!" the Investors cried.

I had my toolbox in the kitchen, directly across from the fridge swollen with booze so I was immune to such trivialities as failing plumbing and irksome odors, but the yammering Investors needed to be squelched.

So 1 year into our business venture together, the Investors and I plopped down a lump of junk bond financed shareholder equity on a 1240 square foot 2/2 pseudo mid-century tract home of dubious, if not passable condition.

For example, here in one well framed photo, taken by our crack marketing team, and by crack I mean crack-addled. Those freakin' kids don't do anything but plink all day on the computer or shoot **** on their X-Box, all while chugging Monsters and flattening their sticker hats.

Anyway, in this picture you can see the Red Shed, lots of drafty aluminum windows, and the grounds surrounding the Gleaming Towers. The previous owner decided to do no lawn maintenance for a few years, and when we purchased, she literally called on some nut case with a brush cutter to clear the yard. If it wasn't a tree or a rock or a random hunk of rusting metal, it was toast.

You can also see that the previous owner had redone the floor in the dining room with outdoor brick pavers and bird seed and feces. We also had a mouse skeleton. It was a far cry from delightful yet somehow the Investors felt we had made a tactical and savvy business decision stepping up from the previous facilities where plumbing and human, ah..."goo", from the slobs upstairs, fell with alarming regularity into our bathtub.

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Denwood

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Sep 22, 2014
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4,180
Location
Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada
Ahh, the soothing diatribe, railing against the establishment, as a savvy practitioner of verbal linguistics assails us with not just mediocre smart phone photos, but also the didatic banter of a man possessed by the synaptic contortions of a creative mind.

Jeeps Cripes, I introduced myself with a run on sentence. Your bus is also cooler than mine. I must retreat to a dark corner and pontificate on my inadequacies.

westy.jpg


Loving this :)
 
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Trey T

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Aug 3, 2011
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Location
Houston, TX
^Welcome aboard Mr. Dennis Wood!

I used to shoot w/ the Cinevate DoF adapter...... back in 2008 or 2009?
 
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utahdog2003

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Messages
118
Location
down at the rec center watchin' folks swim
Denwood said:
Ahh, the soothing diatribe, railing against the establishment, as a savvy practitioner of verbal linguistics assails us with not just mediocre smart phone photos, but also the didatic banter of a man possessed by the synaptic contortions of a creative mind...

Loving this :)
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Photos are from my long retired HP 3mp camera, my first digital. I think even the biggest pile of cell phone camera **** could do better today, but back in the day it was the shizzle.

Bonus points though, for the use of 'didactic' and 'synaptic' in the same sentence. :thumbup:

Awesome Westy. I'm generally a fan of older model VW's, but I have a soft spot for Vanagons, MkI and II Rabbits, Golfs, Jettas and Sciroccos. That was a good era for VW. Lots of personality.

sean Buick 76 said:
I am hooked!!! Like a train wreck I can not look away!!!!!! Subscribing to this thread!
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Thanks Sean. Like White Castle burgers, I'm off-putting but people still like me.
 
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utahdog2003

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Messages
118
Location
down at the rec center watchin' folks swim
Here in the Gleaming Towers, after we closed on the property we promptly got down to business. We set out to refinish the mahogany broad board paneling in the Long Bar, replacing all the various systems and utilities therein in the process. We replaced the hand-shorn goat fur covered flush handles and the elephant tusk ivory inlaid urinal cake mats in the combination Executive Washroom/Snooker Parlor/Hookah Lounge, and also had a crew of very slight and flexible fellows imported in from Rapa Nui to capture my likeness in twin 80 foot imported Coquina stone and plutonic igneous crystal monoliths. Alas we were forced at a later date to remove the Utahdog Moai monoliths because of zoning and HOA reasons. Bastards.

OK I made that last part up. But not really. Maybe.

Anyway, we had to address the grounds of the One Utahdog Center and tidy up what was, after the brush hog hordes had dissipated, a damn mess. The previous owners had left a yard full of massive concrete slabs and large rocks, as well as the hundreds of pavers that they installed in the dining room, so materials were aplenty. We got down to business and shaped things up in short order. When we were finished, I'd provided the landscape edging and the tiki torches, everything else was recovered from the property, including the grill.

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There was another large oak tree where the potted palm is located in the foreground of the second picture, but shortly after we relocated our corporate headquarters the tree was struck by lightning. I would not have routed the bed edge around a potted plant, but for a 2' diameter oak it seemed like a good idea.

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footnote - plastic chicken sighting
 
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Squankum

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Mar 28, 2011
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Location
Southeast
We can't build here! This is bat country!


If you're going to write like Hemingway, you'll need to include cat pictures. If you have a cat. If you don't have a cat, get one.
 
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utahdog2003

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down at the rec center watchin' folks swim
One more screwing around post and then I'll start building something at least borderline GJ relevant.

So I don't really know **** about construction. I mean, I've sat back with my legions of cronies in the Executive Entertainment Suite and watched the odd episode of "Ask This Old House" between stints of power streaming full seasons of "Dexter", and that's about it. I'm very mechanically minded, and I did build some stuff in college, smaller projects, and I've volunteered for framing duties for Habitat for Humanity builds, but all in all, I'm a dingbat when it comes to building things legit. OK that's a lie. I'm very good at it. Maybe. Sometimes. Unless there's a sale on beer.

So lets start small and see how it goes.

Most people when they buy their first homes think about the possibilities and opportunities.

I could have chickens? Already have a perfectly good plastic one.

I could become host to a meth lab or maybe have a grow house? Too risky, plus they smell bad, or at least I've heard that they do.

How about tomatoes? How about some garden boxes? I already have a spot once inhabited by a tree, now by a dorky salvaged potted fern, so why not?

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With the minor success that a garden box proved to be, I decided to pick up some reading material and consider my future plans. You can see below that the lithe little Rapa Nui Moai sculptor dudes really did know their work. Those massive monoliths that once loomed in my yard, much like those on the sculptors home island, really do look the part. Nice work boys!

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utahdog2003

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Messages
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down at the rec center watchin' folks swim
So the Taunton's shed book did the trick, and launched me on my way, convinced that I could build a replacement for the Red Shed without cutting off a foot or bankrupting my unborn children. Therefore like any good American I ran right off to Lowe's and bought another 6 books on shed construction, putting the tab on my new Lowe's credit card, and then revolving the debt over the next 11 years at 21.9% APR. Amortized out that means each book cost me $192, or the cost of one Snap On screwdriver. Which is crazy I know, but I'd much rather buy a book and pay for it over an eleven year period than wastefully plop down a load of coin like that on a freakin' screwdriver. I mean really, we are pro's of financial stewardship here in the Gleaming Towers after all, and don't you forget it.

What all that foolishness means is we were going to have our first child, and I needed someplace to put my **** because I was being evicted from my man room for a Diaper Genie and the Investor's new lithium ion battery powered Dolce and Gabbana breast pump, with accessories.

I'm on my third Terrapin Porter so this post may just go horribly sideways. Fair warning.

So in the Sunset book, "Sheds and Garages" I found the plans for a 10x12' shed with clerestory. I liked it. Lots of height, lots of light, space for a big door for access, and it looked like it could hold 120 sq/ft of ****, which if you think about it really is a coincidence for a 10x12' shed.

What's more, it looks like it could be a reasonably decent lot-mate with our pseudo mid century modern 1949 derelict tract home, much more so than the strange barn like looking thing that the plastic chicken preferred.

The clerestory shed is design number 650-002D-4515, with options in the plans for lengths of 10, 12, or 14'. The plans aren't too bad, and come with a materials list which was pretty complete and accurate, which I understand is an issue with some plans sets.
 
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utahdog2003

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This is what happens when you go to the Home Depot and drop a grand on building supplies. The truck comes to your front lawn and drops three pallets of **** off and then you get to haul all this **** around to the back of the house stick by stick. After that job was done we went to Bimini for a week.

Not really true.


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Our once lovely Executive Esplanade/Planetarium/Outdoor Kitchen in shambles and the Investor's faith in my dubious business model on shaky ground, I took my frustrations out on the Red Shed with a maul, which if you aren't familiar with is basically a big freaking axe. I uncovered some live electrical wires that were once used to power a simple overhead light and an outlet out there in the Red Shed. I assumed that they were disconnected, but I was wrong. Ow.

Also the floor of the Red Shed was made from flat pavers, maybe 2" thick, and probably 8x16". More **** to repurpose elsewhere in the yard.

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In this picture you can see the blue kiddie pool that we affectionately refer to as "Bimini". The Investor is still convinced that our Bimini is the Bimini and the only Bimini, and I'd appreciate it if you all could help me keep that secret. Our crack legal team here in the Gleaming Towers of One Utahdog Center, World Congress of the America's has so far refused to help me perpetuate my ruse. Something about "ethics" or some such nonsense. Whatever.

The Red Shed cleared and the plastic chicken and my garbage scow salvaged grill now homeless, I began the process of fine tuning and leveling the pier placement for the shed floor. The original plans here called for the shed to be built on skids, and in my infinite wisdom and with my many seasons of experience in the construction trades under my belt, I elected to discard the skid idea in favor of concrete pier blocks.

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Looking Good. The goons in accounting are pleased that their decision to allow me to alter their purchase order so late in the process and change the foundation from skids to piers seems to be paying off and they are pleased. I guess I can keep the company Porsche. God Bless America.

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Tamped and tight on well drained soil. We are a go. I'm sure that there are some issues that some of you can see with my footing solutions here, but what the hell. I'm in the business of cutting corners here in the Gleaming Towers. The end product was pretty close to square and level, and the shed stayed square for the 7 or so years we lived in the house, so I guess my guess was good enough, I guess.

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Floor framed in 2X8" PT on hangers, 16" on center, and decked with 3/4" PT ply. I guess we can move on to vertical. Head of Human Resources seems to agree. So off to the Executive Lounge for some well deserved R&R and a good tummy scratchin'. I loves me some tummy scratchin'! Or is that too much information?

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Thanks for looking. More to come!
 
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VictorBravo

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Location
Asotin County, Washington
Excellent narrative so far. Also checked out your website and saw a Seiko like mine, but I haven't gotten the band yet.

utahdog2003 said:
The Gleaming Towers of One Utahdog Center, World Congress of the America's:
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I'm waiting with bated breath....I know it will come.... but my OCD can barely contain itself: the America's WHAT? ;)
 
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utahdog2003

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down at the rec center watchin' folks swim
VictorBravo said:
I'm waiting with bated breath....I know it will come.... but my OCD can barely contain itself: the America's WHAT? ;)
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I was wondering when Id get busted for that. Sort of a running joke that comes and goes on the blog. Sometimes followed by a "..." sometimes a "blah blah blah". People, myself included, always seem to get befuddled by apostrophes and contractions and the possessive. It will come and go but it doesnt mean much more than I cant remember when I should or shouldnt use the apostrophe myself.

See how I did that? :wtf::D

edit: I sorta thought I could edit the title to make a running list of jokes and stupid references there too, but I guess I'll have to settle for doing that in the sig line and live with a stray mark on the title for the duration. Maybe I'll hit up a mod at some point to remove it, but in the meantime I'll wear my badge of ignorance with pride.
 
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Squankum

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utahdog2003 said:
The clerestory shed is design number 650-002D-4515, with options in the plans for lengths of 10, 12, or 14'. The plans aren't too bad, and come with a materials list which was pretty complete and accurate, which I understand is an issue with some plans sets.
Click to expand...

You've got to be careful - if you accidently put an apostrophe instead of a dash where the second dash goes, you wind up with plans for a Russian diesel submarine.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/915059.stm


.
 
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utahdog2003

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SO the last 5 days or so, we the well heeled executives have been huddled in our narcissistic self absorbed mass like a crazed wad of copulating apple snails comparing our boutique watch purchases and indian leg wrestling over which is better, Bell and Ross or IWC. Meanwhile the Investors have been up to their elbows in infant feces.

It has been a fun filled few days here in The Gleaming Towers of One Utahdog Center, World Congress of the Apostrophe.

Back to it then.

Here I am chopping **** up...

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...and here, nailing **** together.

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OK I'm not actually in that pic. Maybe. Probably not. You get the idea.

The idea behind' this shed, is that it needed to be a workshop and storage for both lawn and home project equipment, and my tools and spare VW parts as well as a krap load of bicycle junk. I was planning to hang a bunch of stuff from the walls also so I wanted something with some guts in the walls. They are framed 16" on center rather than the 24" or whatever for the floppy Lowe's type sheds. That and the 2"x8" floors were two of my favorite features of the plans.

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Head of the Legal Department looks on. He's an idiot.

Again, the framing went easily, and the plans were very easy to follow even for narcissistic white collar bozos like me. The challenge really only came when I was framing for the upper section of the roof, and when I had to hoist the top beam into position, nearly 13' off the ground.
 
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fergus

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Yolo County CA
dEar World Congress of da 'muricas'

Are your shed building plan's approved by the Ministry of Interior Design's? Why are you always using apostrophe's in the wrong place's!?

Also, have you registered as a an avid SDG seat collector offender?
 
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utahdog2003

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Messages
118
Location
down at the rec center watchin' folks swim
sean Buick 76 said:
Nice work! That will be a very useful place to store stuff and work as well! Where is the rubber chicken these days?
Click to expand...

Oh, you know. Roosting around here somewhere...:willy_nil

fergus said:
dEar World Congress of da 'muricas'

Are your shed building plan's approved by the Ministry of Interior Design's? Why are you always using apostrophe's in the wrong place's!?

Also, have you registered as a an avid SDG seat collector offender?
Click to expand...

I's is Ignant's. Or I'm a trendsetter. Probably not the latter though. Maybe. Nah.

I do have an SDG problem.

Squankum said:
I'm confused, are those clotheslines usable now? Can you step into those plants without the Burmese pythons getting you?
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I miss those lines. They were still there when we moved. I grew up with my family drying clothes on the line and I love crunchy towels and board stiff jeans.


That last part sounds kind of creepy.
 
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