Epoxy-Coat contest

[rugerlady]

Ok, after much thought, we have decided that you have to tell a story using the words listed below. Lets have some fun with this one. The more creative the better. The winner will receive 1 full kit of Epoxy-Coat (up to 500 SF coverage) any color you choose.
Words/phrases:
1. Epoxy-Coat
2. ninja
3. leprechaun
4. Chuck Norris
5. WTF
6. devilled eggs
7. dirty hippies
8. candlestick
9. paperclip
10. jugs
11. christmas sweater
12. fairy dust

There you have it!! The words can be used in any order, but they must all be used. All stories must be in by Sept 17th at noon. We will announce a winner by Monday the 20th

 

[haugy]

What's our ETA for completion? Labor Day Weekend, I'm not getting anything productive done.

Great list though. This is gonna be awesome.

 

[rugerlady]

What's our ETA for completion? Labor Day Weekend, I'm not getting anything productive done.

Great list though. This is gonna be awesome.

I fixed that! Thanks

 

[thowle]

There once was a group of dirty hippies from the far reaches of Eastern Kentucky who were famous for cooking their devilled eggs with a side of paperclips and candlesticks.

Jimmy, Jack, Joe, and Schmoe were evil Leprechauns from Southern Florida who thought they were Ninjas.

After making much of a profit on the paperclip devilled eggs, the dirty hippies decided to hire Chuck Norris to pour jugs and jugs of Epoxy-Coat into larger eggs they found hidden under a pile of Christmas Sweaters on an ostrich farm.

Schmilianie of the dirty hippes, who was in fact the dirtiest of them all was responsible for calling Chick Norris with the proposed idea; unfortunately during the call the only reply that received from Mr. Norris was simply ... "WTF".

While throwing a loop in their plan of super-nuclear powered Epoxy-Coat Candlestick devilled eggs, the smelly dirty hippies decided to take a moment, smoke fairy dust and think about their shriveled plan.

Within about 10 minutes, the fairy dust began to make the dirty hippies have vivid images and thoughts of pokey-horned horses and tie-dyed turtles carrying flowers in their mouth. Having such good images, the hippies were inspired to drive to the local GarageJournal store and buy a chainsaw, in which they would use to take their anger of their failed plan out on Chuck Norris -- little did they know, Jimmy, Jack, Joe, and Schmoe-stanator were employed by Mr. Norris as personal body-guards.

After purchasing the Cut-er-deep 5000 for a mere $6,666 they went over to Norris Drive to implement their plan of revenge; upon arriving at Chuck's house they were greeted by three evil leprichauns armes with Epoxy-Coat guns, hammers, and post-it notes.

Skipping ahead to a time in the future...
As Holbarry of the dirty hippies went to leave the funeral for his peers, who’s life was ended too quickly at the hands of Ninja wanna-be's, he realized...

 

[bobadame]

How many words?

 

[rugerlady]

How many words?

no limit, you just have to use all the words in the list.

 

[Call me the Breeze]

One glorious morning, Chuck Norris was eating his favorite cereal, listening to the birds sing and watching the sunrise. Now you would think a tough guy like Chuck Norris would have a hearty steak and eggs breakfast, but in reality, he prefers Lucky Charms. Maybe it’s, the colorful marshmallows, or because they’re magically delicious… but I think it’s because of the leprechaun actually. While he was munching away at his cereal, a Ninja kicked down his door, and came running at him. Without missing a drop of milk, Chuck grabbed the closest thing next to him, a tray of devilled eggs. (You would have thought a tough guy like Chuck Norris would have grabbed the candlestick, but after all, we are talking about Chuck Norris here) Chuck started squishing the devilled eggs into the Ninja’s face, one by one. The Ninja screamed “WTF!” Chuck stopped and looked bewildered. WTF? He thought to himself, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday? This gave the Ninja the much needed break to get away, but he foolishly he decided to take off his Christmas sweater that he got from a bunch of dirty hippies, and tried to strangle Chuck with it. Chuck roundhouse kicked the Ninja so hard, he turned into fairy dust. Coughing from the plume of dust, Chuck went back over and finished his Lucky Charms. Luckily they weren’t all soggy. He took a paper clip from his pocket, and proceeded to pick his teeth with it. (A toothpick is too wimpy for Chuck Norris you know). He thought to himself, today will be a good day to start his garage floor project. Of course Chuck would only use a product as tough as he is… Epoxy-Coat! Then he thought, I wonder what the floor would look like if he used the Ninja dust instead of the colored flake kit? NAH! He swept up the Ninja dust and put them into a couple of old milk jugs, and set them on the shelf to use another day.

 

[mat_GTI-R]

So there I was, sitting at a poker table with Chuck Norris and a funny looking leprechaun… “All in!” I said with confidence.

M. Norris was wearing his poker face as always and the funny looking leprechaun was stuffing his face with devilled eggs he had sneaked into his pockets. After much deliberation, both players called my bet… I was sweating jugs! I had a pair, I can’t explain why I went all in, but I felt like I had to do so. M. Norris was mumbling along about how he has the best poker face and how it helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno. M. leprechaun was cleaning his teeth with a paperclip he had found as he lays down his 3 aces. M. Norris also lays down 3 aces, realizing something is wrong he jumps up and accuses the leprechaun of using fairy dust to alter his hand. M. leprechaun immediately removes his, what seems to be a christmas sweater and reaches for a candlestick to use as a weapon. All of a sudden the table goes flying and my opponents are yelling at each other, it’s about to go down! A bunch of dirty hippies try to separate the two… no success, the tension is growing every second. Surprisingly, the leprechaun jumps up over Chuck Norris in a ninja like manner and hits him in the back of the head with the candlestick. Not wanting to see M. leprechaun suffer the wrath of M. Norris, I must intervene! As I’m approaching the two Chuck Norris jumps up and hits me unintentionally with his famous round house kick…. I fall to the floor… all is black.

As I wake up, I realize I’m lying on a cold concrete floor, “where am I…”. After rubbing my eyes I notice that I seem to be in a garage, WTF, this is my garage. I’m holding a squeegee lying in a puddle of smelly epoxy and I have the worst head ache. Realizing I got high on epoxy fumes and probably fell unconscious I yell out: “Why oh why didn’t I buy No Odor, environmentally friendly epoxy with Epoxy-Coat …. WHY!!!!”.

 

[shotgunfatcat]

A Christmas Eve Disaster Saved by Chuck

It was a cold and rainy evening in Northwood Hills. Christmas Eve it was, and all was quiet in the Norris household. Gena was in the kitchen making deviled eggs for the following day, and Chuck was just finishing up his work out on the new prototype total gym.

Chuck walks into the kitchen while putting on a Christmas sweater. I am not sure about this new design; my glutes just don’t feel as tight as normal, I think I need to change it up a bit. That is fine chuck, Gena says, just don’t be out to late in the shop, it is Christmas day tomorrow after all, and we have company coming over.

In the shop, Chuck starts to work on his modifications. Only having one tool (himself), the job is going quite quickly. He decided he needed to shorten the frame up a bit, and with one judo chop later the frame is the perfect size. As he goes to pick up the hardware off the floor, he catches his reflection. Awestruck for a moment, He decides that the epoxy-coated floor was one of the best investments he had ever made. Not only was his perfect physique reflected brilliantly off the surface, but the shop just seemed to have an aura of greatness around it, only the best, he thought to himself.

After doing a few more sets on the total gym, he decides it is time to grab some jugs of brandy eggnog and gander at his work.

As he is closing the fridge he sees a candlestick go out in the other room.

Ninja’s, he thinks to himself, drops the nog and runs to check on his sleeping wife. She’s safe, Next, the prototype!

It’s gone.
Chuck hears a vehicle leaving in a hurry down the road, quickly he grabs some rope, a novelty sized paperclip (he bought it off of eBay) and a skateboard. Still wearing his Christmas sweater and some slippers, he chases after the vehicle. He makes a crude grappling hook out of the paperclip and tied it to the rope. Within close range he throws the hook. Perfect throw! As he is riding on the skateboard he pulls himself closer to the vehicle.

Chuck comes close to the vehicle, overhearing the conversation he decides not to stop them now, maybe he can find out their plans.

Inside the vehicle:
Leader: Is everyone here?
Goon: Yeah I count six.
Leader: I can’t believe we got away so clean. No sign of him, or his beard. What a sucker.
Goon #2: I don’t think the leprechaun’s are going to believe us.
Goon #1: I thought they were fairies?
Goon #3: Actually, a leprechaun is a type of fairy in Irish folklore, usually taking the form of an old man, clad in a red or green coat, who enjoys partaking in mischief.
Leader: what? Whatever, let’s just drop this off, collect our fairy dust, and get out, I am sure Chuck won’t be far behind.

Out back chuck wasn’t going to take much more of this, but the vehicle came to a stop. 36.37 clicks SW, I must be near Grand Prairie, he says.
Ditching the skateboard and rope Chuck hides in a bush to see if he can meet these fable creatures, in plans to destroy them for all the trouble he has gone through, and to make sure that he is the only fable creature still alive on this planet.

Out comes the leprechauns and some dirty hippies….These must be their drones, chuck says to himself. (Chuck has run into hippies in the past, they are fearless and drugged up so they feel no pain, hard to beat with just a roundhouse kick.)

Chuck calls out his best wounded rabbit sound. WTF was that, one of the hippies says. He’s hear, says the leader, take off!

Out of nowhere Chuck roundhouse kicks the vehicle disabling it. The Leader and the goons take off into the field, Chuck digs out the rope and lasso’s them before they could get away, but in his victory over the goons, the dirty hippies tackle him to the ground. The leprechauns cast a spell, but luckily it bounced off of his beard.

In the woods, a pack of coyotes heard the wounded rabbit sound, and a full pack came into the clearing, without a rabbit in sight, they turn on the leprechauns. Just as I planned, Chuck said out loud, and a hearty laugh so loud and vibratious the hippies couldn’t hold on to him anymore.

With the Leprechauns dismantled and eaten, and the hippies shaking worse than being on withdrawals, Chuck grabs the fairy dust and calls the police.

The scene was all wrapped up, the police didn’t find any remnants of leprechauns, but the sun was starting to show, Chuck had to get home so his wife wouldn’t be mad he missed Christmas. Running home as fast as he could, prototype over his shoulder (the skateboards wheel’s were toast or else he would have used it) he made it home, Setting the prototype back in his shop, again he looks at himself in the epoxy floor, you are one awesome man, he says to himself, and goes inside.

His wife was up, waiting for him. With a smile on her face, she is happy he is here. Chuck sneaks outside for a moment and sprinkles a little fairy dust in the air, it starts to snow.

Snow in Texas on Christmas, his wife says in disbelief as Chuck walks back in. It is going to be a Great Christmas day, he says.

And if you’re wondering about sleep, Chuck Norris Doesn’t sleep, he waits.

 

[hockey930]

I was down in the basement drinking a beer washing the floor in my new house so that I could epoxy-coat the floor when I heard a random noise from the crawl space. I slowly moved toward that part of the basement with a small flash light that I had on my keychain. I couldn’t see much at all, I just hoped it would annoy whatever animal was over there enough to make it leave. I ducked under the cast iron drain pipe when all of the sudden I heard sway away from my lucky charms! I was so confused but when I looked up sure enough there was a little man in green wearing nothing but a Christmas sweater holding two jugs, one of filled with devilled eggs and one full of what appeared to be pixie dust.
The staired at the man and reluctantly said who are you? He replied, what do I look like? I said a leprechaun. He said exactly, well at least at the Christmas party he was working at that night that’s what he was. I said, why are you in my basement? He said he was running away from the ninja who’s wife he has inadvertently slept with at the party. I said WTF are you talking about? I have a midget dressed up as a leprechaun in my basement is hiding form a ninja? I was about to say I don’t think so, but he jumped right in with a straight face and confirmed it.
He seemed like a nice enough little man, so I offered him a beer. I told him he could hide out for a while but he had to help me wash the floor, because I really needed my basement floor finished. He said no problem. He started put his hand over this glass and said ziggy zaggy ziggy zaggy oi oi oi and preceded to down his beer in a matter of seconds.
After that I knew this little man was in fact the man. We both toasted a few more beers . Before I knew it we had nearly polished off a case of beer. I was feeling damn near plastered. When I heard singing coming from somewhere. The little man explained with fear on his face, they have found me! He ran upstairs and locked the doors. I told him that it sounded like Christmas carolers, he was very relieved.
He said that they scared him half to death. He then started laughing uncontrollably and headed into the kitchen. He opened the junk drawer and took out a candle, a lighter some tin foil and a bunch of paper clips. He loaded the paperclips into the foil and lit the candle under it. I asked him what he was doing and I am not sure he even responded, but I didn’t care, I was plastered. As the singing got closer he got more anxious, he eventually ran over to the door and opened it just a few inches as he flung the smoldering paperclips onto the front porch. The carolers came up to the front door, we heard few knocks and the little man crouched beneath the mail slot and then head yelling and a lot of scattering around on the porch. The little man could not contain himself, he yelled Dirty Hippies and was laughing so hard that he could not catch his breath. This made me laugh to the point that it hurt my head. I felt like I was about to pass out, as I faded in and out of consciousness I heard county music fading in and out. The next thing I heard was my wife saying, you are awake? I was confused beyond confused. I was in my bed with my wife standing next to me, ice on my head and Chuck Norris on my TV.
My wife explained to me that she heard a thud in the basement near the sewer pipe and found me on the ground right below it with some blood on my head. He had called the doctor next door who helped her get me into the bed and was waiting for me to snap out of it.
Although my head hurt quite a bit I was glad that it was all a dream and I wasn’t going crazy. The bad news is that my epoxy-coat was left with the lid off and was ruined…. I sure could use another can.

 

[dmeadow]

“WTF!” yelled Chuck Norris, spewing half-eaten devilled eggs, as Jugs, his beautiful and buxom assistant bounced into his office from the reception area. “I thought I told you I was not to be disturbed while I was eating my lunch.” “Sorry, Chuck,” said Jugs, smoothing her Christmas sweater as her undulating breasts finally came to a rest, “but we’ve got some dirty hippies in the lobby and I think they might be dangerous!”

“Dangerous? Hippies? I’ve never met a hippy that I found particularly dangerous. Except maybe that one in San Mateo that had taken some fairy dust and thought he was a leprechaun,” mused Chuck. “Man, it took me two hours to pry his face out of that Lucky Charms box.”

“Chuck! Pay attention!” screamed Jugs. “One of them tried to bean me with a candlestick and the other threw his smelly Birkenstock at me! I’m not kidding! Do something!”

“Oh, OK” said Chuck, reluctantly putting down the rest of his devilled egg. “I guess I’ll go in there and give them a few swift kicks and then I can come back to my lunch.”

Chuck ran out to the reception area and found two dirty hippies, just as Jugs told him he would. Thinking quickly, he grabbed a paperclip, quickly formed it into a ninja star, and then flicked it into the eye of one of the intruders. As the one left screaming in pain, the other dropped the candlestick and followed his buddy out the door.

Returning to his office, he caught Jugs snarfing down the last of his devilled egg. “Damn, Jugs, I was really looking forward to that!” Chuck stared wistfully at the devilled egg he had spewed onto the Epoxy-Coat covered floor, sighed, and began licking it up.

 

[sammm]

Chuck Norris had just kicked a ninja's *** using a candlestick. He then knocked out a bunch of devilled-egg eating, dirty hippies using only a paper clip.

While walking home a leprachaun with big jugs sprinkled fairy dust on him. Chuck thought WTF, and then proceeded to strangle the leprachaun with his own christmas sweater.

Strange evening Chuck later thought while applying Epoxy-Coat on the floor of his dojo.

 

[rugerlady]

Lovin the stories so far, you guys had the entire office cracking up.

 

[shotgunfatcat]

Lovin the stories so far, you guys had the entire office cracking up.

Had..... They should still be laughing at my great tale!

 

[rugerlady]

The office will now be cracking Chuck Norris jokes continuously !!

 

[Call me the Breeze]

"Chuck Norris can ride a wheelie on a unicycle"

 

[rugerlady]

For all of you Chuck Norris fans http://thechucknorrisfacts.com/ TOO FUNNY

 

[aqr81]

Great link. Thanks for a good laugh to start the day Christine.

 

[GarageEnvy]

Hey guys and gals,
I had a strange dream last night and I’m hoping you can help me make sense of it. It started out normal enough. It was that repeating dream we all have; I was walking through my endless garage that was fully enclosed but had no back wall. It just went on forever with an endless row of brand new cnc milling machines, welding equipment, moduline cabinets filled with the finest tools money can buy. The Epoxy-Coat flooring was glistening under the brilliance of the T5 lighting. It was as ethereal as usual. But here’s where it gets weird. About a half-mile into my stroll through the garage, just as I was getting to the leather clad man-lounge with the 60” TV playing my favorite Chuck Norris movies (not the exercise infomercial stuff), I run into a group of dirty hippies sitting around a candlestick (like it’s some sort of campfire) drinking Tang out of jugs, eating devilled eggs, singing ***-by-ya and knitting a communal Christmas sweater. Naturally, my first reaction is WTF is the Clinton Clan and the Obama mamas doing contaminating my pristine space. My wife tells me at this point in the dream I was in a cold sweat screaming “no” in my sleep. She thought somebody had parked a “smart” car in the garage. While I’m still reeling from the site of the dirty hippies here comes a leprechaun dancing through my pristine garage sprinkling fairy dust as he dances like an HGTV host through my space. Well all of this pushed me beyond my boiling point. I immediately picked up the in-garage satellite phone to summon Chuck Norris. Unfortunately he was off pitching exercise equipment but sent a good old-fashioned meat eating ninja as a replacement. Without delay he assessed the threat and realized this was no place for diplomacy. He grabbed a handful of paperclips and fashioned them into throwing knives. The first laser-like paper clip throw vaporized the leprechaun, leaving only a puff of fairy dust. Seeing this, the dirty hippies made a break for the entrance but were no match for the Ninja. I am happy to report that even dirty hippies can’t stain an epoxy-coat floor. The chalk outlines came up with no effort whatsoever.
Now help me make sense of this dream. The only thing I can think of is that my endless garage runs to the North and I’m in central California. I’m thinking some of the characters from San Francisco somehow made their way into my garage.

 

[HOTFR8]

A Picture tells a thousand words.

Whilst shopping for Epoxy-Coat.

I met this little Ninja.

Who was really a Leprechaun.

He told me about how Chuck Norris pretended to be Ninja.

My reaction was WTF YES WTF after all I wanted was Epoxy-Coat.

I left the Leprechaun

as he went off talking about his spicy sweet devilled eggs recipe.

Mind you i'm still going and thinking my floor looked like a mob of
dirty hippies

had been on it.
Whilst shopping for my Epoxy-Coat

I spotted this candlestick.

Again
I read my shopping list held together with a paperclip.

My better half had also asked me to look for jugs and these three nice sales ladies showed me these nice Beer Jugs.

It was a warm day so my choice of christmas sweater

was not a good one as I would have to get my better half to wash it with
fairy dust detergent

when I got home.

Oh by the way I still have not got the Epoxy-Coat.

I'll just have to hope I win it here

 

[Call me the Breeze]

WTF ( Whoa There Freighty)
I see you’re playing the “This Thread is Worthless without pictures” card.
But that won’t hold a candlestick to my song.

Now everybody start snapping your fingers, tapping your toes, and sing along to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies.

“ Well here’s a little story, ‘bout a man named Jed.
With Ninjas and leprechauns floating in his head.
Then one day he was looking for some food,
A tray of devilled eggs, would put him in the mood.”

“With a paperclip and jugs of moonshine in his hand,
Cotton Eyed Joe’d with a dirty hippies band,
Kin folk say there’s a place you ought to be,
So he loaded up his truck, and moved to Beverly.”
( Hills that is, Chuck Norris, fairy dust, movie stars)

“When he got to Beverly, he bought a mansion to adore,
Even the garage, had an Epoxy-Coated floor.
Just when you thought this song could get no better,
You should see him look, in his favorite Christmas Sweater.”
(Reindeer on the front, big red nose, very warm.)

Banjos playing...

 

[HOTFR8]

WTF ( Whoa There Freighty)
I see you’re playing the “This Thread is Worthless without pictures” card.
...

Why not ?

 

[HOTFR8]

Imagine this sung with a Rock'abilly beat.
Apologies to the band Slap'n'the Cats who do a wild version of this called 'My Old Rod'.

My old man, he played one,
He played knick-knack on my Epoxy-Coat floor;
Knick-knack paddywhack,
Give my dog an Epoxy-Coat floor to lay on,
My old man came rolling home.

My old man, he played two,
He played knick-knack on my Epoxy-Coat floor;
Knick-knack paddywhack,
Give my dog a ninja to play with,
My old man came rolling home.

My old man, he played three,
He played knick-knack on my Epoxy-Coat floor;
Knick-knack paddywhack,
Give my dog Leprechaun to chew on,
My old man came rolling home.

My old man, he played four,
He played knick-knack on my Epoxy-Coat floor;
Knick-knack paddywhack,
Don't let my dog see Chuck Norris,
My old man came rolling home.

My old man, he played five,
He played knick-knack on my Epoxy-Coat floor;
Knick-knack paddywhack,
My dog did WTF on the floor.
(will be better with a new Epoxy-Coat floor )
My old man came rolling home.

My old man, he played six,
He played knick-knack on my candlestick;
(He forgot the Epoxy-Coat floor).
Knick-knack paddywhack,
Dont give my dog paperclips,
My old man came rolling home.

My old man, he played seven,
He played knick-knack on my Epoxy-Coat floor
(Heaven knows as he's done it before).
Knick-knack paddywhack,
Give my dog Jugs of water,
My old man came rolling home.

My old man, he played eight,
He played knick-knack on my Slate;
(Nothing like my Epoxy-Coat floor).
Knick-knack paddywhack,
Please give my dog that old christmas sweater,
(But don't tell my Mother in law).
My old man came rolling home.

My old man, he played nine,
He played knick-knack on my Epoxy-Coat floor;
Knick-knack paddywhack,
Did you sprinkle fairy dust on my dog,
My old man came rolling home.

My old man, he played ten,
He played knick-knack on my Epoxy-Coat floor once again;
Knick-knack paddywhack,
Get my dog out of here we need to Epoxy-Coat the floor,
Forget my old man helping me rolling Epoxy-Coat on the floor
Knick-knack paddywhack.

 

[bpc23]

Chuck Norris, a ninja, and a leprechaun all walk into a bar. Chuck takes out of his pocket a paperclip and candlestick and puts them on the bar. The leprechaun, while munching on devilled eggs, tosses fairy dust into the air and the floor is magically coated with Epoxy-Coat and looks more beautiful than ever. The dirty hippies with nice jugs wearing Christmas sweaters, working as bartenders, say “WTF? How’d you do that?”

- Brian

 

[BryCola]

My new house

I achieved my dream, a house with a garage,
My friends are all jealous, here comes the barrage.

To protect the floor, I chose Epoxy-Coat,
My neighbors will be jealous, thought I will not gloat.

The leprechaun next door will stare in wonder,
Left his garage bare, WTF… what a blunder.

I would expect such things from the dirty hippies ‘round the bend,
But NEVER from Chuck Norris…I’m his twin.

The floor will look perfect, smoother than glass,
If anyone critisizes, I’ll go ninja on their @ss.

Once complete, I’ll rest my legs,
I’m sure I’ll be hungry…perhaps deviled eggs?

The weather will turn cooler as we wait for Saint Nick,
On the mantel will be garland, and a golden candlestick.

To Santa we’ll write a letter, and pour out our soul,
And hope for a red Christmas sweater, that is the goal.

To the tree, it will be attached with a paperclip,
If the fat man shows up, I know I’ll flip.

We’ll leave eggnog in jugs for Santa to swill,
With all of that bourbon, he’ll need a pill.

As I wave goodbye from my garage, all filled with pride,
The flakes on the floor look like fairy dust has been applied.

 

[rikmeister]

It was a brisk autumn day in Happy Valley, when my friend Chuck Norris stopped by to help me epoxy coat my man cave. My better half, Rackwell Welsh, was there as well to supervise us. She was sporting her new ever so tight fitting christmas sweater being held together by a paper clip which drew the eyes of chuck and i could tell he was experiencing the true meaning of christmas time in Happy Valley. We began our laborious task of coating the floor with expoxy coat when i realized i had forgotten to buy the flakes but i dediced to use lucky charms which we had received from a notre dame fan from down the streat we began spreading the lucky charms like fairy dust on the epoxy coat and low and behold like magic a leprechaun appeared not with his usual staff but with a golden candlestick and began attacking us unmercifully. Chuck sprang to the rrescue to subdue him using the skills he had leaned fighting ninjas in the past . But to no avail, he seemed to disappear and reappear in a new location with each kick and thrust of Chuck. My task of doing the floor seemed doomed. it would surely harden in the pot as we battled this lion hating foe. Just then my wife rackwell appeared and when she heard us yell "stay in", she turned so abruptly, as the leprachaun approached and just then the paper clip holding her ever sweater let go, from the pressure of her deep breath, and her jugs blossomed forward striking the leprachaun full force and he dropped to the floor unconcious into the setting epoxy coat as i could hear chuck say "WTF". We quickly finished the floor and went inside to enjoy some green ham and deviled eggs with our friend Dr Sushi before our 1960 dirty hippy friends arrived after touring all the dens of iniquity in state college to watch the PSU vs ND game. As the game started, we could hear a noise from the garage. As we walked closer you could hear ever so faintly the frozen and sealed leprachaun singing the ND fight song. But as the game progressed and ended PSU 33 over ND 7, all became quiet. The moral of the story : two big ***** can do the unthinkable when installing an epoxy-coat floor. Also if anyone is interested, i have a house for sale with an ND leprachaun logo that actually sings the ND fight song, which alas is a hard sell in lion country.

 

[e-tek]

Too much time on your hands boys! Wish I had time to even read them! LOL

 

[rugerlady]

Ok, the submissions have to be in by this Friday by noon EST. We should be announcing the winner by the end of the day.

 

[JamieK]

Chuck Norris sat happily at his desk, paper clipping orders together for durable and environmentally friendly Epoxy-Coat. He was happy he had decided to get out of the pseudo-ninja business, and had to come to work for Christine. But there was still something missing in his life. He needed a wife.

He slowly thought about all the women in his life. Charlene, down at the Kwik-E-Mart, was an option. But she had facial hair, and lots of it. He didn’t want his beard to have any competition. He had to have the ‘alpha-beard’ in the relationship. He then thought about Tina down at the truck stop diner. He once thought he got butterflies in his stomach whenever she came near, but then realized it was just the food. Mostly the deviled eggs she served. Besides, she was too short, and looked like a leprechaun in her green uniform.

As he pondered his thoughts, he looked around the room slowly. Maybe someone here could become his future mate, he thought? He knew Christine was single. He always thought she was nice looking, but today, wearing her Christmas sweater, he thought she looked particularly attractive. He settled on it; Christine would become his bride, but how could he get her to agree to this?

Well, first, he thought, he had to get her to go out on a date with him. She would never go out with him if he just asked, so he would have to lure her back to his lair, err, apartment. “Christine,” he asked, “would you help me dust my collection of moonshine jugs tonight?” Christine, always the helpful type, and a sucker for bad actors with good beards, said she would. Excited, Chuck rushed home and set the table and made his favorite meal. He was sure Christine would be impressed.

Later in the evening, the doorbell rang. Chuck opened the door, wearing his best Karate uniform. Christine walked in, looked around, and said “WTF!?!” Chuck had his table set with his finest Chinet plates, and a box of wine. In the middle was a single, somewhat phallic shaped, candlestick. In each plate was a hearty helping of Salisbury steak and Beefaroni. Christine knew immediately what he was trying to do and wasn’t going to fall for his trick.

“Chuck”, said Christine, “I know I’m awesomely beautiful, but I can’t be your girl. It would never work. I could never be with someone who could kill a Vanagon full of dirty hippies with a single roundhouse kick, like you did on ‘Walker, Texas Ranger’. It’s just not to be!”

Alas, Chuck understood. He was destined to be alone for the rest of his days. He quit Epoxy Coat Co. shortly after that. He couldn’t stand another day of providing the gift of beautiful and long lasting floors to others while his life was in shambles. A few weeks later, Christine received a post card from Chuck. She was relieved. Chuck had found his true calling in life. He had gone to work for Disney World as Tinker Bells assistant, spreading fairy dust wherever he went. Chuck was finally happy.

 

[rugerlady]

Tonight is the last night to get your stories in...

 

[porsche freak]

I'll keep mine short and sweet.

I tried to Epoxy-Coat my ninja leprechaun while eating deviled eggs. But Chuck Norris just looked at me like WTF and went back to beating dirty hippies with a candlestick.

Unbeknownst to any of us. A little guy who was high on fairy dust and wearing an oddly colored Christmas sweater snuck into the garage. He muttered something about using U-coat it, poked 10 jugs of gasoline with a paperclip. Then lit a cigarette and blew us all to hell.

So much for a good looking garage floor.....

 

[padstack]

Ok... Here's my entry. You'll need to have the volume at a decent level to hear the background track. I'm using my garage as a recording studio for this and I don't think it's quite the same! LOL!

Lemme know what you think! My entry is at the link:

 

[shotgunfatcat]

Is it Monday yet?

 

[GarageEnvy]

Is it Monday yet?

Are you that eager to come over and help me install my new floor?

 

[shotgunfatcat]

Are you that eager to come over and help me install my new floor?

If you help me install mine, but buying a plane ticket on top of the cost of the epoxy coat will get kind of expensive won't it?

 

[rugerlady]

OK, we have a winner....drum roll please.....

Mat GTI-R (they all loved the part about the winning poker hand!!true to the Chuck Norris theme.

I will be reviewing the stories again over the weekend to see what other prizes can be awarded, stay tuned!!

 

[aqr81]

Congratulations Mat GTI-R.

 

[shotgunfatcat]

Congratulations Mat GTI-R.

Second that.

 

[rikmeister]

congrats mat

 

[Call me the Breeze]

Without a doubt, It was a great story! Congratulations Matt!