It's been a bit of a strange week for me with some things going on at work involving personnel issues, but it's had me doing a lot of thinking and reflecting this past week. I heard two songs on the radio yesterday one after the other that are "triggers" for me emotionally yet so appropriate for both me thinking about my father as well as the upcoming Memorial Day weekend. Both of which I am extremely grateful for the sacrifices made which have allowed me to raise a family and live the American Dream.
After work yesterday I ran and refilled one of my Powertanks with CO2 after nearly emptying a tank on our trip to the Swell last month. I then took my new gas cans and went and filled them up with ethanol free gasoline for our OPE and finally stopped by my brother's place and grabbed a cast iron radiator end cap for another tractor he is restoring from our parent's farm. He had asked me if I thought I could repair this cast part and I want to give it a go. The tractor he is now restoring is a 1938 Farmall F-12. Parts are a little less prevalent for the F12 tractor vs. the late 40's Model H that he restored a couple of years ago. He's doing a really good job on this one as well but he said he doubts he will drive this one in any parades like he does the "H" because it is so much slower only having 3-speeds. It was kind of enjoyable to talk with my brother and reminisce about the tractors and the farm, even though he was definitely more vested in farming than I ever was. I actually think he misses it whereas I couldn't get off the farm fast enough and don't miss it one bit.
As for shop work, by the time I got home it was a bit later than usual and my wife was on her way home so other than putting a few things away in the shop I didn't really get anything done. By the time I arrived home it was a full-blown thunder and lightning show so I sat on the deck, tried to unwind from the day's events and just watched the storm until the wife got home. With our 34th anniversary getting very close and the recent birth of our grandson all weighing on my mind, I sat there looking out over our yard and shop while watching the storm roll in and it got me thinking back to where our adventure began together in the mid-80's and although we had completely different childhoods, we were very much in-tune with each other and thought so much alike. Besides the actual physical attraction teenagers have, we were both anxious to get out of high school, shake our pasts off, look to the future and start building a life together. I don't know if we were running from a life we didn't want or a past we were trying to escape or if it was just something as simple as being in love and having a vision of what we wanted out of life, but we knew the life we wanted was SO different than what our childhoods were, so it was an exciting, yet a worrisome and scary time for us. I am sure many others can relate when just getting started in life. Now I look back and can recognize certain events that took place and how we "chose" to react or respond to them and I am very much aware of just how grateful I am for where my wife and I are in this journey because with only a couple of different turns or choices our life would look very much different than it does now.
I reflected back a little last night after visiting with my brother as we haven't had much time together over the years. We have both been busy with our lives and I was looking forward and not really wanting to look back to the farm days. I have six other siblings and we seldom get together but maybe once or twice a year and then I call it the 3-F's, Forced Family Fun. I am the youngest and really other than our parents I have nothing in common with any of them other than my one brother who I can somewhat relate to. I remember growing up and being nearly 20-years younger than my brother how I really looked up to and admired him. When I was about 10 years old I would walk down to his home, which was just down the street from my parent's home and I would assist him in his garage after the work on the farm was done, well at least for that day. My brother was always working on something on the side for extra money in his home garage and I started out by handing him tools and later he would have me strip fenders down of all clips and trim and swap them over to other ones as my skills progressed.
Now 40+ years later it feels as though I have surpassed him to some extent and it is nice to have him ask me for help once in a while with a part or advise on something he is working on in his home workshop. I feel like I'm giving back in a way as I think between my brother and my dad they encouraged me to work with my hands and to appreciate the ability to do so, my mother not so much as I think she wanted my life to go a different direction. Once I got out of high school and into the work force I was blessed with two mentors who helped push me to take my skillset to the next level and refine what I had learned on the farm and develop my own characteristics to the trade. On the farm it was all about just getting the machinery running and back out in the field. However, once I got into the professional field of Industrial Maintenance I realized that there was more to fixing things than just bandaiding things back together, although speed and efficiency were just as important there as well. I feel blessed to have had the life experiences that I have had like being raised on the farm which taught me work ethic and priorities and then being able to really refine and fully develop my skills in the Industrial Maintenance field that have carried me through life and have allowed me to provide a decent life for me and my family.
I was reading an article on gratitude a few days ago and it's made me think back and recognize those things that I may have felt were burdens or trials early on yet now appear to be waypoints along life's journey that really helped to define me. It all started on that farm and working with my hands alongside my dad and brother. My other brother was not one for work and usually worked harder at avoiding work, still does. It's funny to look at people's lives and see such totally different results and you can look back and see where certain paths or decisions they chose led them to where they are at now. My two brothers only separated by a couple of years, grew up on the same farm, same parents, same house rules and yet their current situations could not be further apart based on life choices and turns along the path. On one hand I feel sympathy yet on the other I feel validation as we are all a product of our choices and my life could look totally different had I made some not so wise choices along this journey or choices which would have been more "fun" at the time without thinking them through.
I am so grateful now even more for my parents and the rules they enforced in their home early on. Granted, their children didn't all follow them to the same degree, but we all knew the house rules. Some chose to adhere to them without question like one of my brothers, then there was me who seemed to "test" them at times but eventually came back into compliance and then my other brother who didn't seem to think the rules applied to him in the least. One conversation or better described as a "talk" that stuck with me from many years ago was something my father told me, and he wasn't a man of many words as he was more of a man of action and less talking. I had gotten into a bit of trouble my Junior year of High School and one day while working in the field my dad stopped and I could tell something was on his mind by the way he looked at me with disappointment. He told me that life is a series of choices, when we have a choice to make that we should way all options looking at how those choices could "potentially" affect our future. That we should take these choices for the gifts that they really are and if we make a good choice, then we have the opportunity to make another choice and so on and so on. However, if we make a bad choice or decision that we do not get to choose the outcome, we are stuck with the consequences.
I found myself repeating that talk with my son on a few occasions as he was growing up. Not that he was ever a bad kid, just to help keep him on the straight and narrow path when we'd see one of his friends veer off course and we'd use that as a teaching moment. I see the man he has become and now the father he has become and I swell with pride and hope my father is smiling down as well as that is where it all started. I pray my son will be able to have a healthy relationship with his son as he will soon discover how much our day to day decisions not only affect our personal outcomes but also those that we love the most. I also hope my son can look back on his childhood with fond memories and know that his mother and I did our best to give him a better childhood than we had yet when we taught the lessons we did so out of love and not disapproval.
I hope as we go into this Memorial Day weekend that we can reflect back on not only those who gave the ultimate sacrifice, but also those who went unnoticed day to day by those small sacrifices which have allowed each of us to be better people and hopefully live a better life. I have been fortunate to have had a couple people in my life that I consider "heroes" and neither of them did anything heroic in the general terms, they were not an overpaid and media hyped up athlete, they didn't rescue a child from a burning building or any other description by which the term "hero" is usually connected, but instead were normal everyday people who went about their lives making sure that their work and efforts made a difference in other's lives.