Funny 1 star Amazon tool reviews

[Sparky Six Axis]

I really enjoy 1 star Amazon reviews. They're just oh so good. I'm making this thread to share the good ones I come across.

This genius is using USA made cable cutters to cut steel cable. COMEDY

 

[YesIHaveAHammer]

Dead blow hammers - one review complained there was sand inside. Another complained that it was only partially filled with sand.

 

[darkzero]

I saved this back when Amazon allowed commenting/replies on reviews. IMO they really should allow replies again. They probably disabled commenting to protect idiot reviewers from getting blasted!

 

[OccupantRJ]

A lot of the one star reviews are classic Dunning-Kruger type folks doing what they do best.

Dunning–Kruger effect - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[Firebrick43]

I really enjoy 1 star Amazon reviews. They're just oh so good. I'm making this thread to share the good ones I come across.

This genius is using USA made cable cutters to cut steel cable. COMEDY

Even happens right here on garagejournal. You would think everyone here would know that drywall screws were made of cheap hardened steel to the point that they are brittle

I messed the cutters on my linemans up by cutting drywall screws. Emailed Klein and they specified “machine screws”. A bit misleading in my opinion.

 

[RTM]

I really enjoy 1 star Amazon reviews. They're just oh so good. I'm making this thread to share the good ones I come across.

This genius is using USA made cable cutters to cut steel cable. COMEDY

I just bought my shop guy a new Wire Rope Cutter, cuz someone used his cable cutter on wire rope. Monday I will dress the cable cutter blades.

 

[Sparky Six Axis]

Even happens right here on garagejournal. You would think everyone here would know that drywall screws were made of cheap hardened steel to the point that they are brittle

Hah machine screws. So like 6-32 or 8-32 Chinesium.

Drywall screws are hard af.

 

[Bill Wright]

Bought a $40.00 harbor freight battery load tester.
Directions say “Will smoke on first use” burning off manufacturing stuff.
one star review said” junk smoked the first time I hooked it up”!,
im probably in the minority,even if I know how to use something I read through the literature that comes with new stuff.

 

[Sparky Six Axis]

Bought a $40.00 harbor freight battery load tester.
Directions say “Will smoke on first use” burning off manufacturing stuff.
one star review said” junk smoked the first time I hooked it up”!,
im probably in the minority,even if I know how to use something I read through the literature that comes with new stuff.

When I worked at Autozone their battery tester would smoke sometimes.

 

[YesIHaveAHammer]

Another type I see sometimes is people who bought the wrong size:

Tool (e.g. pliers) comes in 5 sizes. They bought size 3. Turns out it's bit too small for what they needed it for... 2-star review.

 

[Sparky Six Axis]

Another type I see sometimes is people who bought the wrong size:

Tool (e.g. pliers) comes in 5 sizes. They bought size 3. Turns out it's bit too small for what they needed it for... 2-star review.

One time at Autozone I sold a breaker bar and a 30mm socket. The guy went outside, stuck it on his CV axle nut, jumped on it and snapped the breaker bar. Then brought it back inside and got his money back.

 

[four.cycle]

^ When my buddy put a socket on a bolt on a tracked excavator with his 3/4" drive breaker bar, he had to ask the vehicle owner where the pipe was. The only pipe the guy had was some two-inch water pipe - in 20 foot lengths.
"Perfect!" my buddy said.
He said he had to jump off the rig onto the pipe several times before he got the nut to bust loose.
Next time - try a Wright.

 

[TailGunner3000]

Slightly off topic, but it still pertains to Amazon reviews: I was scanning for tools and I came across something that looked promising and unlike one I'd seen before. A closer look showed it was currently unavailable but they were taking preorders for the new product. Yet somehow there were 47 reviews for a product that had not been sold or delivered to a single person.

In hindsight, I wish I had screenshotted it.

I generally find Amazon reviews to be close to worthless. Too many paid shills, bots and reviews upon delivery from people who have not even used the items yet. When you consider the comingling of similar, but not the same product reviews, it destroys any sense of usefulness.

 

[Sparky Six Axis]

I generally find Amazon reviews to be close to worthless. Too many paid shills, bots and reviews upon delivery from people who have not even used the items yet.

I trust the 2, 3, and 4 star reviews. Especially the ones with pictures.

 

[MushCreek]

Then there are the one star reviews where the person was totally happy with their purchase. Apparently they don't know how a star rating system works.

 

[neophyte]

Slightly off topic, but it still pertains to Amazon reviews: I was scanning for tools and I came across something that looked promising and unlike one I'd seen before. A closer look showed it was currently unavailable but they were taking preorders for the new product. Yet somehow there were 47 reviews for a product that had not been sold or delivered to a single person.

In hindsight, I wish I had screenshotted it.

I generally find Amazon reviews to be close to worthless. Too many paid shills, bots and reviews upon delivery from people who have not even used the items yet. When you consider the comingling of similar, but not the same product reviews, it destroys any sense of usefulness.

Apparently there is a new Federal Trade Commission rule concerning fake reviews, shill reviews, paying for positive reviews, and threatening legal accusations to discourage negative reviews.
Admittedly, this won’t necessarily stop all sellers of products, particularly ones in foreign countries from placing fake reviews, or trying to, but it may help get some of the fake reviews suppressed on Amazon.

https://www.ftc.gov/system/files/ftc_gov/pdf/r311003consumerreviewstestimonialsfinalrulefrn.pdf

 

[Hakeem]

Even happens right here on garagejournal. You would think everyone here would know that drywall screws were made of cheap hardened steel to the point that they are brittle

It was a newbie mistake, absolutely. On the other hand, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to cut screws with a product that touts its ability to cut screws.

Just a case of misleading advertisement, not a bad product per se.

 

[PCustoms]

Just a case of misleading advertisement, not a bad product per se.

Common sense aside, it has a screw size marked next to the hole. Clearly not designed, or advertised, to cut drywall screws

 

[Old tool guy]

I trust the 2, 3, and 4 star reviews. Especially the ones with pictures.

When i was working as a project manager, at the end of the job we had to rate all the contractors who had worked on it. We rended to use the same ones, especially for it/telecom work, bank equipment, and we had a pool of about 4 gc’s. And only 1 authorized for atm work. But the purchasing dept required the survey so they could claim they were properly vetting and reviewing vendors … even though they did nothing. Anyway, two things came out of the surveys. We would have a large number of good reviews for the sole-source required-to-use vendors, and nobody got a score of 1 or 5 because those required an explanation.
.
Similar situation with annual personnel reviews. There were i think 4 ratings, highest was something like “does an outstanding job”. We were forbidden from using that one because management said nobody is that good.

 

[YesIHaveAHammer]

Even happens right here on garagejournal. You would think everyone here would know that drywall screws were made of cheap hardened steel to the point that they are brittle

No shade on anyone, but one thing I've come to realise is that being good at mechanical work or construction doesn't always make people any good at the other. Or even have the slightest clue.

 

[Ultradog MN]

I really enjoy 1 star Amazon reviews. They're just oh so good. I'm making this thread to share the good ones I come across.

Fun thread.
Reminds me of the best boss I ever worked for.
If he saw you doing something dumb he would say;
"Jerry, you gotta be smarter than a goddamned pliers". (or hammer, shovel, shackle or whatever someone was using wrong)

 

[Firebrick43]

It was a newbie mistake, absolutely. On the other hand, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to cut screws with a product that touts its ability to cut screws.

Just a case of misleading advertisement, not a bad product per se.

I get the mistake,

I am sure if I wasn't so perfect at the start I would have made mistakes as well, but wouldn't of told anyone about the mistake. /s

I probably wouldn't have mentioned it except for the fact that you keep insisting that its the manufactures fault just as many of those who leave 1 star reviews do unfairly.

Its not "misleading".

There is only so much space on a hang card to print on. There is only one kind of screw that is commonly shortened via pliers, and its the same use as the pliers themselves, electrical. They just didn't put them in a place mentally that some one would want to shorten drywall or even structural screws.

Its not as if people would read the fine print and follow it anyways. How many people use a flat blade screw driver as a prybar or a claw hammer to drive punches and chisels.

 

[Old tool guy]

How many people use a flat blade screw driver as a prybar or a claw hammer to drive punches and chisels.

How many diy folks have a proper prybar or more than one kind of hammer.

 

[Sparky Six Axis]

1 star because a 16oz hammer weighs 16oz

 

[finn]

When i was working as a project manager, at the end of the job we had to rate all the contractors who had worked on it. We rended to use the same ones, especially for it/telecom work, bank equipment, and we had a pool of about 4 gc’s. And only 1 authorized for atm work. But the purchasing dept required the survey so they could claim they were properly vetting and reviewing vendors … even though they did nothing. Anyway, two things came out of the surveys. We would have a large number of good reviews for the sole-source required-to-use vendors, and nobody got a score of 1 or 5 because those required an explanation.
.
Similar situation with annual personnel reviews. There were i think 4 ratings, highest was something like “does an outstanding job”. We were forbidden from using that one because management said nobody is that good.

That happened to us during one of the management regime changes. No fives and there always had to be a couple of 1’s, even though we took extreme pains at recruiting and training the brightest and best.

 

[rust in the eye]

My favorites are the one from reviewers that give low ratings to the product or seller because of a delayed shipment.
I once managed to ship 8# worth of old wrenches in a USPS flat rate envelope to save my Ebay buyer $ on shipping. In order to do so the wrenches needed to be carefully bundled and wrapped so as not to puncture the envelope. Buyer put up bad feedback because he claimed it took "a couple hours" to remove the tape. Fukin ungrateful whiner.
They walk among us

 

[rust in the eye]

That happened to us during one of the management regime changes. No fives and there always had to be a couple of 1’s, even though we took extreme pains at recruiting and training the brightest and best.

Absurdity. You then effectively have a three point scale. If that logical scale were then employed the brainiacs may then declare ones and threes to be superfluous rendering everyone a middling two. Perfect.

 

[four.cycle]

I once managed to ship 8# worth of old wrenches in a USPS flat rate envelope to save my Ebay buyer $ on shipping. In order to do so the wrenches needed to be carefully bundled and wrapped so as not to puncture the envelope. Buyer put up bad feedback because he claimed it took "a couple hours" to remove the tape.

Understandable.
One of the few times I left "Negative Feedback" for an ebay seller was because of packaging.
Rather than put the steel box into a cardboard box, the seller simply completely wrapped the thing with PVC packing tape.
It was not only a hassle to remove it - during mid-summer when the glue from the tape got all gummy - but it also pulled a good deal of paint (and part of the decal) off the box.

I use the flat-rate priority padded envelope for most of my shipping.
Don't just throw a bunch of metal tools into one of those things, because if the package is dropped, the tools inside are going to puncture a hole.

WRAP up the wrenches in newspaper - snugly. Tape up the newspaper wrapping. This way no tape comes in contact with the tools.
Then cut a sheet of cardboard about 8" x 11", and secure the wrapped wrenches to the cardboard using packing tape or gaffers tape.
Then cut another sheet of cardboard the same size, staple it to the other sheet so the wrapped wrenches are "sandwiched" in between.
Then run a couple loops of packing tape around that, and then shove it into the padded envelope and seal it.
Items arrive intact. Tools are not lost in transit. Customer is happy. (check my "feedback" on packaging)

 

[PCustoms]

Absurdity. You then effectively have a three point scale. If that logical scale were then employed the brainiacs may then declare ones and threes to be superfluous rendering everyone a middling two. Perfect.

Sounds like our annual performance reviews.

1=you're going on a PIP, or most likely failed to complete a PIP
5=you're getting promoted

Mostly everyone gets a 2-4, occasionally someone gets a 1 in a single category. 5 doesn't exist

 

[rust in the eye]

Understandable.
One of the few times I left "Negative Feedback" for an ebay seller was because of packaging.
Rather than put the steel box into a cardboard box, the seller simply completely wrapped the thing with PVC packing tape.
It was not only a hassle to remove it - during mid-summer when the glue from the tape got all gummy - but it also pulled a good deal of paint (and part of the decal) off the box.

I use the flat-rate priority padded envelope for most of my shipping.
Don't just throw a bunch of metal tools into one of those things, because if the package is dropped, the tools inside are going to puncture a hole.

WRAP up the wrenches in newspaper - snugly. Tape up the newspaper wrapping. This way no tape comes in contact with the tools.
Then cut a sheet of cardboard about 8" x 11", and secure the wrapped wrenches to the cardboard using packing tape or gaffers tape.
Then cut another sheet of cardboard the same size, staple it to the other sheet so the wrapped wrenches are "sandwiched" in between.
Then run a couple loops of packing tape around that, and then shove it into the padded envelope and seal it.
Items arrive intact. Tools are not lost in transit. Customer is happy. (check my "feedback" on packaging)

I had tape across some cardboard as I recall. My feedback on packaging is very good. Can't please everybody though. I even subsidized the shipping for this guy to get'er done.
I once recieved a package where the seller apparently used the contents of the nearest wastebasket as dunnage.
First world problems.

 

[Firebrick43]

How many diy folks have a proper prybar or more than one kind of hammer.

Forget DIY. Its amazing how many professional mechanics will have a plethora of prybars, big to micro and all kinds interesting shapes at the foot in his tool box and will still be using a flat blade screwdriver to pry with. Saw it repeatedly over the 20 years as a mech

 

[Firebrick43]

Sounds like our annual performance reviews.

1=you're going on a PIP, or most likely failed to complete a PIP
5=you're getting promoted

Mostly everyone gets a 2-4, occasionally someone gets a 1 in a single category. 5 doesn't exist

We had one hourly employee, out of over a 1000 in the plant, that received a superior (5) from his supervisor years ago. He absolutely deserved it (as did some others) and the shop foreman came and took it back (changed it to a 4) because "only if you walk on water and perform miracles" does one actually deserve a 5.

A friend I started with and that I still keep in touch with had made it thru the ranks and managed a plant of his own told me that corporate only gave each plant a handful of 5's to hand out. If they give a plant 10, management better not give out 11 -#5.

And some plant managers reserved those 5's for their favored sycophants unfortunately.

 

[Ultradog MN]

My favorites are the one from reviewers that give low ratings to the product or seller because of a delayed shipment.
I once managed to ship 8# worth of old wrenches in a USPS flat rate envelope to save my Ebay buyer $ on shipping. In order to do so the wrenches needed to be carefully bundled and wrapped so as not to puncture the envelope. Buyer put up bad feedback because he claimed it took "a couple hours" to remove the tape. Fukin ungrateful whiner.
They walk among us

Not laughing at you btw. Gave you the laugh emoji because of the ***** who whined about your packaging.

 

[Ultradog MN]

Forget DIY. Its amazing how many professional mechanics will have a plethora of prybars, big to micro and all kinds interesting shapes at the foot in his tool box and will still be using a flat blade screwdriver to pry with. Saw it repeatedly over the 20 years as a mech

We should have a thread about prybars here.

 

[i84x]

Maybe it was broken but apparently they cant work out how to use the screwdriver. They tried everything except reading the clear instructions from the looks of it.

 

[Dumber than lumber]

Maybe it was broken but apparently they cant work out how to use the screwdriver. They tried everything except reading the clear instructions from the looks of it.

Some of those reviews are so stupid that I use the "Report" button and make a relevant comment, or just say it is off-topic.
Is that stoopid of me?

 

[i84x]

Some of those reviews are so stupid that I use the "Report" button and make a relevant comment, or just say it is off-topic.
Is that stoopid of me?

It does make me wonder if some people are fishing for some sort of compensation or free thing maybe a “Keep the item and get your money back” sort of deal if you take down the review.
Then again someone once told me “think of the stupidest person you know and there are plenty of people are ever dumber then they are”.

 

[four.cycle]

I once recieved a package where the seller apparently used the contents of the nearest wastebasket as dunnage.

By the time I got to Don's (d42jeep) "Secret Santa" package a couple years ago, I'd already gotten all the other stuff all packed up and ready to go, and I had depleted my "packing material" down to almost nothing.
I went out and tipped over my recycle bin and picked all the plastic bags out of it and used those for packing material. (That was the box that had the big Kennedy cantilevered box in it.
I've had to resort to that in a couple other instances as well. I believe that @Caleb T's "Secret Santa" package had its share of plastic bags jammed into it as well.
Packed is packed.

the ***** who whined about your packaging.

Having to pull, pick, and peel tape off of tools you've purchased online is a pain in the ***.
Proper packaging method described above. (post #28)

 

[Lorydr]

Hah machine screws. So like 6-32 or 8-32 Chinesium.

Drywall screws are hard af.

Except for where the driver bit goes. So easy to strip out.

 

[Sparky Six Axis]

Except for where the driver bit goes. So easy to strip out.

Not if you use an actual drywall screw gun.

I do not miss commercial jobs where all I heard all day was drywall screw guns screaming. The guys would put a hair tie on the trigger and leave the guns on all day. They're loud af.