Here is part two of the "Dad, the mini bike from hell and the swamp"
After bearing witness to one of the greatest mini bike stunts ever seen, my desire for my own mini bike escalated to a level bordering on frantic. I needed one like a junkie needs a fix. One small problem, at 8 years old I did not have any money of my own so this would have to come from Mom and Dad. Looking back with an adults eyes, I realize now that things were REALLY tight with Dad raising three boys on a single income, but at 8, I KNEW they could buy one if they only loved me. So began the campaign for the bike. I tried being nice and staying out of trouble, well at least big trouble. Volunteering to do extra chores. Tring to get get good grades, or at least perfecting the ability to transform F,E and Ds into A and Bs on the paper report cards we had to bring home to signed. (I think I might have been a counterfeiter in another life I was so good at it) Nothing worked, so I resorted to begging. This had never worked in the past and usually backfired, but hey, I was THAT desperate. After the begging campaign failed, I had a brilliant idea. Marketing!! I started by leaving cut outs of mini bikes from catalogs and magazines everywhere. I made subtle references to how happy Alan and his whole family had become after a mini bike had joined the family. Still nothing. I turned up the heat and started writing little essays about how cool I would be with a mini bike and started leaving them with the cutouts. I kept this up months.
Finally, my Mom and Dad sat me down to explain that they clearly understood how badly I wanted one, but that I needed to understand their reasons for not getting me one. Mom's big reason was that I would most certainly get killed or crippled for life if I had one. (strangely enough at 16 her predictions came unbelievably close to happening on a motorcycle, but that's another story) To his credit, Dad tried telling me the truth and explaining our financial situation. I was just too young to really understand so it fell on deaf ears. I remember breaking down and crying which was NOT an acceptable behavior because crying in my family was reserved for physical trauma where bone was exposed to open air or the death of a pet.
However, something must have gotten through to their stone cold hearts, because my Dad looked at my Mom and said, "Hell Joan, I guess it can't hurt for me to look around and see if I can find a cheap used one for the boy." (that was often my name) The room started spinning, my heart started racing, my legs got weak, OMG it was going to happen. I was getting a mini bike!!!
Weeks dragged by. Just when I had given up all hope and was thinking about running away to join the circus, my Dad said, "Hey Mitch. I think I might have found a mini bike." He used my given name! It wasn't a joke! It was gonna really happen! That afternoon he took me to look at it. A guy named Albert came out and took us around back to the garage. As he raised the door to show it to us, I was so excited I actually had trouble breathing. Behind a big trash can, I could see the front wheel! He rolled it out and it was the ugliest, beat up, POS I had ever laid eyes on and I fell head over heels in love it. He began to explain to my Dad how everything worked on it and all the little things that were "rigged up" to work. I just stood in a trace staring with drool running down my chin. I guess my Dad and Albert reached a number, because I saw them shake hands and we loaded the bike into the trunk of the car, tied the lip down and headed home.
We unloaded it and Dad started right away trying to get it running. (he was cool like that) After he drained the tank, cleaned the spark plug and got a little starter fluid in it, she fired up on about the third pull. I've never heard a Harley that sounded as beautiful as that mini bike. There was no way to tell what HP the motor was since any markings had long ago worn away so I decided it was a 10HP motor so I could beat Alan. Ohhhh what races we were going to have. What a perfect day, sunny, no school for the summer, the smell of gasoline and exhaust and I was the owner of a MINI BIKE. Truly heaven on earth. Suddenly I hear my Dad swear a little. I didn't realize it at the time, but that foreshadowed how my day was going to turn on me. I asked what was wrong and my Dad said, "the damn throttle doesn't have a return spring so if you just turn it and let go, it keeps right on revving." OK, not so bad. Just remember to turn your hand back up when you twist the throttle down. I never planned to actually take my hand off the throttle once I gothold it any way. Then as my Dad is revving my little wheeled angel, he starts muttering bad things again. "What wrong now Dad?" I ask. "the throttle can go past the top and start revving the motor again. I've never seen anything like it" he answers. OK. Important safety tip, don't forgot to twist the throttle grip back up when you are done accelerating and don't twist it too far or it starts accelerating again. I think you can see that this is not going to lead to anything good. Then I hear Dad say, "****, this thing doesn't have a kill switch that works." "What does that mean I ask?" "You have to pull the plug wire off to kill the motor," he tells me. Then then proceeded to show me by starting it and then grabbing the plug wire and pulling it off. The motor dies. Easy enough right? You can see that things are lining up nicely for the universe to teach a hard lesson. "let's take her to the football and give her a ride," my Dad says. Oh yes please. The bike goes in the trunk again, he grabs the gas can and off we go to the Clyde Elementary Football field.
You should know that my home town was little and didn't have a lot of money, so the football field ran along side of a swampy area that flooded the end of the field close to the concession stand when it rained a lot, which it had been doing. We unloaded and Dad starts her. Then he gives her a little test run to "warm it up" (I now know that men are always just big kids in their hearts and he wanted to ride it as bad as I did) After what seemed like days he came back from his cross county ride and said, "all right, she's ready, your turn." My turn!!! It was my TURN!!! I was just seconds away from feeling the wind in my face as I roared down the football field. I mount the bike and get ready to start and my Dad say, "hold it a sec and let me walk along side to I can show you how tricky the throttle is." "Achhhhh Dad, I watched you and I got it. Twist back to slow down, but not too far or you will accelerate again" I reply.
He stares at me and says, "all right then big boy she's all yours." Oh please say that again. That's the sweetest sounding phrase I ever heard. I settle my tail in the seat, reach up to tighten the ******** my, oh that's right, we didn't wear helmets in those days, gave the throttle a downward twist and off I go. I have to tell you that there are few times in life when things are good as you expect, but this was on of them. It was AWESOME!!! I went flying down the field going ever faster and faster because Albert had removed the the governor so it would go fast as possible, blown motor be damned. As I neared the end zone, I turned to the left and realized I was going to little too fast for my comfort on making the turn. I twisted the throttle upward to slow down, but the bike keep speeding. I had twisted it too far. Now I panicked and twisted it even further upward in a desperate attempt to slow down. Now I am flying at hundreds of miles a hour. I am trying to turn, but not having much success. I hear my Dad yell "turn it! turn it!. Good advice Pop. I look up and see that I am going to run head long into the large wooden concession stand. My survival instincts kicked in and I dumped the bike. Fortuitously I had entered the swamp zone so the bike wasn't damaged. Un-fortuitously I had entered the swamp zone and had crashed into a wet mess with the throttle stuck open and the engine about to blow. My minutes of training kicked in and I knew I needed to pull the plug wire. I had to save my baby. Unbeknownst to me, my Dad had arrived and just as I reached down to pull the plug he bent forward as well. Wet and standing in water, I grabbed the plug wire, by the end that connects to the top of the spark plug it turns out and the universe exploded.
I'm pretty sure that my body couldn't decide where the pain should come from so every nerve ending I had decided to compete for the honors. I experienced a shocking sensation that exceeded the time I peed on the electric fence. Every part of me was paralyzed except my throat. I screamed and by screaming I mean like glass shattering, police siren, 5 feet from a jet engine screaming. Right into my Dad's ear which was only inches from my pie hole. Dad did the only thing a man can do when exposed to a shrill high pitched, deafeningly loud scream directly in the ear canal, he backhanded me right on my ***. Later, he told the police that he was trying to free me from the electrical shock. Just kidding, no one called the police when a kid got handed a good one back in those days, they just applauded and offered to take a turn if the parent was getting tired. Now I am laying face down in swamp water, spitting, choking, having seizures from the millions of volts that just coursed through my body and the whole side of my head throbbing from my Dad's involuntary response to losing his hearing for life. How can a day go from awesome to awful in 30 seconds? Not the mini bike, never the mini bike. No, electricity, that's how. I hate it and it hates me. The most beautiful day of my 8 years of existence completely ruined by "jugo de diablo".
BTW, I didn't give up on the mini bike from hell and it will be a part of another story later...