I have been listening to an audiobook called “How to be an imperfectionist” it is pretty interesting and really rings true. I am really starting to understand why I do certain things, I am also figuring out workarounds for these issues. The author talks about his other book called “Mini habits” and essentially that is about setting micro goals instead of setting big or long term goals. An example would be doing one push-up a day, you mind says, I can do that, then when you start and finish that one simple goal, you may do a few more, or many more. It is just a way to trick your mind into starting. I know there are lots of people that would say this is a dumb idea, but when your brain is wired weird, something like this can be the difference between doing something and doing absolutely nothing.
As a perfectionist, I have set my floor as what others would think is the ceiling, so my mind will just say, why bother? This comes out in procrastination, excuses, self sabotage, and analysis paralysis. All of these are super easy to see, if you are not the one doing them, I knew that I did them, but I never had a clue how bad these things were. I am starting to see them and it is scary, working on it is tough due to the underlying reasons this happens.
Anyways, I guess opening up and saying I am insecure about myself may be the best way to rip off the band aid. Insecurity is probably one of the biggest factors, next is fear of failure, that one is more visible as I can hide the insecurities easier. It is even more obvious when reading my own posts from the past. I guess this is a good thing that I am figuring it out now, I just hope I can get and keep a handle on it moving forward.
