Yesterday's shop success was brought to you by "I'm going to need one of those someday, so I should buy it today." In this case, the tool was a tap and die set. Nothing fancy, just a Harbor Fright special. The project: Re-assemble the patio furniture we claimed from a house my family was selling. Four chairs and one glider, all solid wood, under cover (screened porch) their entire lives. In order to fit them into the car to bring them home, we took the backs off of the chairs - easy enough, just need a hex wrench (use the 4mm, not the 5/32 otherwise you'll round things over!).
Everything was going great until chair number 2, when one of the machine screws got slightly catty-wampus and tried to cut new threads in the threaded insert that holds Back A to Side B. And then it was pointed out to me that the back was on backwards, so it would have to come off anyway. And it was at that moment, ladies and gentlemen, that the Case of the Cross-threaded Machine Screw came to my attention. Because I hadn't tightened it down all the way just yet, I probably saved myself hours of heartache and woe. The other hand-tightened screws came out easy as you please, but that catty-wampus one... well, let's just say that's when I figured out that they were metric, not imperial.
So, with the correct hex wrench, I began the Great Untightening. Which was going Great (as its name would suggest) until I realized that the threaded insert was being unthreaded from the chair back, which was not part of the original plan. And yet, I persisted. I managed to get the chair back divorced from the threaded insert, so now I only had a screw/insert to deal with. And to show that I am flexible, adaptable even, I said to myself, "Self, you need more tools!" Thus to the shop I went, to get not one but two different types of Vise-Grips. With said marvel of mechanical design in hand, I was able to force the screw to unthread itself from the insert, which brings us back to the first paragraph of this story.
Back in the dim dark recesses of history, say 2015 or so, I purchased that tap and die set. Wasn't quite sure when I would need it, or even IF, but I also knew that when I did, I would want it right then, and not have to tell my dearly beloved, "Dearly beloved, I need to make a trip to the hardware store for another tool!" So it's traveled with us from house to rental to house, across state lines, never complaining, only gathering dust. Patiently waiting for its moment. And finally - finally! - here was its time to shine. And shine it did. The insert was re-tapped, the screw threads where run through the die, and friends, I'm happy to say that today the two are back together again like they didn't miss a beat. Thus closes the Case of the Cross-Threaded Machine Screw.
