Best Advice Given, in a Single Sentence

[Speleo]

I was once told; " If faced with an 'Either/Or' situation, go for the Or."

Make the other person do what they threaten to do.

Bruce

 

[STClurker]

Wrap it before you tap it, if she's ugly, wrap it twice

 

[Rod N]

Wrap it before you tap it, if she's ugly, wrap it twice

Sorta like it's the tap you face not the face you tap. lol

 

[Jackpod]

Ignorance can be taught, stupid is just stupid

 

[38Chevy454]

You have two eyes, two ears and one mouth - look and listen twice as much as you talk

 

[mrobins297aaa]

One night at Cheers(TV Sitcom), Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson:
"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this...
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! ; In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

 

[mrobins297aaa]

"I spent most of my money on beer and women, the rest I wasted."

Evil Keneviel

 

[Matthew3901]

Use your head for more than a hat rack....one of my dads favorite sayings!

 

[Thirdyfivepickup]

In a humorous vein, from Animal House:
Bluto: [thrusting six-pack into Flounder's hands] My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
Otter: Better listen to him, Flounder, he's in pre-med.

That was our group motto in my 20s...

I like this one as told by a guy named Frosty about advice given to him on his wedding night in the bathroom while at a urinal...

"if it smells good, eat it... if it smells bad, eat it."

 

[mrobins297aaa]

here's a line you can use after church on Sunday that may help you get acquainted:

you: "Do you believe in the here after?"
her: "I sure do"
you: "well then pull down those pants because that's what I'm here after "

 

[kbs2244]

When trying to get a bolt started in a hard to get at hole
"Put a little hair around it"

I was about 13 at the time.
It took a few years for it to sink in.

 

[77thor]

The best advice that I ever got was from a mechanic working on our car(for the zillionth time)...

"...get rid of the Ford Taurus and buy a Toyota Camry."

So, I'll just pass it on.

 

[Road_runner]

Once seen on an email signature...

"Lead, follow or get out of the way..."

 

[i4ni]

**** runs downhill

 

[mrobins297aaa]

**** runs downhill

that's what the pipefitters use to tell me, all you need to know to be a plumber:

"hot's on the left, cold's on the right and **** runs down hill"

 

[KenC]

that's what the pipefitters use to tell me, all you need to know to be a plumber:

"hot's on the left, cold's on the right and **** runs down hill"

and add: payday's on friday and don't bite your fingernails

 

[4 Ever-Fish N]

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

I haven't read the entire thread so this one may have already been used.

 

[e-tek]

Quite wasting so much time on GJ......

So I did

 

[The Slurpee King]

Don't ask the question if you don't want the answer.

If you're talking, you're not ______ (insert task here; works well with children)

You may come to find that having a thing is not the same as wanting; it is not logical but it is often true. (Star Trek)

Come in peace, shoot to kill.

Improvise, adapt, overcome.

Murphy was right.

Someone will always be a minute late and a dollar short.

Use the right tool for the job.

Bad help is worse than no help.

NEVER turn your back on traffic. (From a former boss before my first-ever shift in a tow truck)

 

[mrobins297aaa]

a fellow co sheet metal worker of mine was a pretty fair welder and he use to say:

"I work for money and not for fun and I want my pay when the work is done.
I can weld up anything but the crack of dawn and a broken heart.
You'll find me in the yellow pages under stinger"

unfortunately around 1980 we were working at the Cadillac Fleetwood plant on Sundays changing out duct mounted chilled water cooling coils and he lost his balance and fell off a 12' ladder and ended up with closed head injury, he died later that night ......he was 31

 

[Doorguy]

"you cant fix stupid"

One I personally learned...... don't set the brake fluid bottle next to your beer bottle.

 

[mojo66]

If you want an expert job... hire an expert.
If you want it done right... do it yourself.

 

[SuperCheyenne]

Build your dreams or someone will hire you to build theirs.

 

[red61cj5]

"never let a ***** surprise you, stupid is unlimited in its scope and creativity"

 

[Fix Until Broke]

Regarding speeches, presentations and the like...

They should be like a woman't skirt: Long enough to cover the important things, but short enough to keep it interesting

 

[Fix Until Broke]

Good news or bad news - Who can say?



The back story behind this one...

A Chinese farmer gets a horse, which soon runs away. A neighbor says, "That's bad news." The farmer replies, "Good news, bad news, who can say?"

The horse comes back and brings another horse with him. Good news, you might say.
The farmer gives the second horse to his son, who rides it, then is thrown and badly breaks his leg.

"So sorry for your bad news," says the concerned neighbor. "Good news, bad news, who can say?" the farmer replies.

In a week or so, the emperor's men come and take every able-bodied young man to fight in a war. The farmer's son is spared.

 

[yamaha0343]

First day in the oilfield:
"Never place your hands where you wouldn't put your ****."

 

[rayra]

can't repeat it in polite company. Suffice to say I was young and taking a series of young ladies out to dinner and my father was seeking to dissuade me from the practice.

 

[gtabasso]

My idea for this thread (and possible Sticky) is to compile a list of potential money/life saving advice that can be delivered in one sentence.

I think back to some of things that I have learned throughout my time here, and I realize that I have simply stumbled onto some very good advice that could have presented some disastrous results had I not found it. I also realize that my finding of this advice was pure luck; perhaps a thread naturally bird-walked onto the topic, or a product review brought it out...point being, it was not expressly given, and it could have easily been missed.

I also realize that many people don't have time to spend hours on here, and they need straight to the point, condensed information in a readily accessible format. So let's create a list of your best advice that you can give that is short and to the point.

I'd say let's avoid arguing, but if someone says something incorrect/dangerous, it should be addressed and removed.

I'll start:

1. NEVER use brake cleaner as a cleaner before welding...it can kill you

2. ALWAYS set your torque wrenches to their lowest setting when not in use...it preserves the calibration, and can save the tool (I don't even know when I heard this, but I know that I have 3 torque wrenches that I didn't do this for that are now probably ruined, or at best severely inaccurate)

Your turn..

Don't complain; don't explain.

 

[airsanford]

"There's an *** for every seat in the house."

P.T. Barnum

 

[jonesg]

1. NEVER use brake cleaner as a cleaner before welding...it can kill you

Don't weld galvi indoors, it WILL kill you.

 

[jonesg]

The fool asks the wise,
but the wise asks the experienced.

 

[jonesg]

Early bird gets the worm,
but the second mouse always gets the cheese.

 

[mbshop]

Pay attention to the details.
don't get distracted while doing a job.
one of my favorites is "when all else fails, follow directions".
one I made up was "verify, verify, verify".

 

[IowaM1N1]

"Doing the right things, for the right reason, in the right way is the key to quality of life"

You can choose your actions, but you cannot choose the consequences of those actions.

 

[mrobins297aaa]

Try to be the person your dog thinks you are.

 

[mrobins297aaa]

_ *DUH INSTRUCTIONS!*

In Honor of Stupid People . . . .
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
--------------------------------------------------------

On a Sears hairdryer --
Do not use while sleeping.

(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

----------------------------------------------------------

On a bag of Fritos --
You could be a winner!
No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)

----------------------------------------------------------

On some Swanson frozen dinners --
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)

----------------------------------------------------------

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom) --
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

----------------------------------------------------------

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding --
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

----------------------------------------------------------

On packaging for a Rowenta iron --
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)

----------------------------------------------------------

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine --
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

----------------------------------------------------------

On Nytol Sleep Aid --
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(..I'm taking this because???....)

----------------------------------------------------------

On most brands of Christmas lights --
"For indoor or outdoor use only."

(as opposed to what?)

----------------------------------------------------------

On a Japanese food processor --
"Not to be used for the other use."

(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

----------------------------------------------------------

On Sainsbury's peanuts --
"Warning: contains nuts."

(talk about a news flash)

----------------------------------------------------------

On a child's Superman costume --
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

----------------------------------------------------------

 

[Josh Kinzey]

If you are ever considering doing something, and the thought crosses your mind, "Instead of XYZ, maybe I should just ******** and go to bed..." the correct course of action is ALWAYS ******** and go to bed. There are few things in life that are absolutes - this is one of them. Your brain is literally telling you, "Dude, I'll give you a ******** if you don't do that."

Every single time I have deviated from this, bad things have happened. Everyone I've shared this theory with, has the same experience. 100%. No variation, no deviation, it is absolute.

 

[Makoto]

"Know your place"

 

[lostmymanual]

I was working at a Ford dealer in HS. An old guy told me to take care of my health...you'll appreciate it later in life. I wish I'd followed his advice.

When I was moonlighting at a dealership during college; a semi-retired salesman once told another college kid who he honestly knew couldn't afford to trade in his old car. He turned down a sale by telling him to hang on to his car because it was mechanically sound:

"Third class driving is always better than walking home."

I had seen a co-owner of that stealership talk a lady into maxing out her credit cards along with giving her scrap prices for her trade he had her convinced she needed after we serviced her perfectly good van so I didn't have a high opinion of car salesman up to that point.