Dumbest things we ever had to fix

[Phatsub]

My first car was a 66 289 with a manual 3 speed on the floor. I had to get rid of it when the wire loom under the dash melted together. I guess I was lucky the thing didn't catch on fire.

 

[Kevin54]

I had a 93 Chey truck and the alternator seized on it like that. I can see where an inexperienced person would think the engine had seized. The only warning was the alternator light blinked once before she locked up.

My '93 Silverado did the same thing almost. I was driving it and it started knocking. Got it home, still knocking, shut it off and it stoppped with a hell of a clunk. It would not turn back over. I went out a few hours later and it started, but started knocking right away. So I figured I'd run it to the nephews business as I was going to have to pull the engine. He listened and he swore it was a rod knocking. We made plans on pulling it the next day. My other nephew came in, saw the truck and asked what the problem was. He told me to go on home and he'd get it ready to pull.. Before I got out the door, he told me he had it fixed. WTH? It was the idler pulley. When it got hot the bearings would start locking up and clunking like a rod. When it cooled it was fine for a few minutes. A couple of us felt pretty stupid for awhile.

 

[Moose-LandTran]

My brother buys his first car, 66' Mustang 289, auto, pony interior etc.; we drive it out to the first stop sign, to make a left hand turn. When you put the blinker on, the horn "honks" that same time the turn signal blinks! Another example of a wiring issue; the wiring for the horn/blinker are right next to each other, the wire insulation had rubbed off, exposed the wires to each other and the blinker was energizing the horn! Rewired the two wires, "blink-honk" went away! That was one of the more bizarre wiring issues I have seen!

My old boss has a diesel ****** van, the return spring for the horn button in the wheel is broken, so sometimes the horn randomly goes off, and you can't stop it. I remember the guy i used to work with went to pick up some parts in it, we could hear him coming from way up the road. Every other person on the road was so pissed because they thought he was beeping them. That van was pretty fun.

 

[Coach James]

You told people didn't you?

Ohhh yesss!!

Coach

 

[ZRX61]

My brother buys his first car, 66' Mustang 289, auto, pony interior etc.; we drive it out to the first stop sign, to make a left hand turn. When you put the blinker on, the horn "honks" that same time the turn signal blinks! Another example of a wiring issue; the wiring for the horn/blinker are right next to each other, the wire insulation had rubbed off, exposed the wires to each other and the blinker was energizing the horn! Rewired the two wires, "blink-honk" went away! That was one of the more bizarre wiring issues I have seen!

Years ago we messed with a guy at work. Some days the horn would blow in time with the blinker, sometimes the windshield washer would squirt in time with the blinker.. other days the washer would squirt when he hit the brakes, then we had the washer going instead of the horn, then the horn would blast when he hit the brakes. He just about came unglued when we wired a electric det maroon to his high beam circuit, he called a tow truck out that time... This all took place over a period of about 6 months, he absolutely hated that car....

 

[malibu101]

He just about came unglued when we wired a electric det maroon to his high beam circuit, he called a tow truck out that time... ....

Could you please describe what that is? I've never heard of one before.

 

[DavidtheDuke]

According to dad once customer thought he was a race car driver driving into our pit. Luckily for him, the oil pan for some reason had been rolled all the way to the back of the pit, and the car's wheel landed on that instead of to the bottom of the pit.

Once in my very early years I did a headgasket. After I had closed off the cooling system, and pressured tested it, I cranked it up. Pretty good skip. I pressure test it, and it isn't leaking. I check all the wires and dist and everything I can see, and everything's normal. Eventually I realize I never fully torqued down the headbolts by getting distracted and forgetting too... The combustion must have been kicking up the head and allowing antifreeze to enter the cylinders on one side, but when you pressurized it, it held because the head's weight was stronger than the 10-15 PSI I tested it at.

 

[ZRX61]

Could you please describe what that is? I've never heard of one before.

Small explosive devices used for special effects in movies etc. They range from thimble sized (sound like a gun going off, 24 to a box) to about half the size of 10year old's fist (sound like a bomb going off, 6 to a box*).
They need 4v or more to detonate.




We used the fist sized one

*boxes are the same size

I would imagine there use is somewhat regulated in the US, but in the UK anyone can buy them at SFX suppliers..however, the vast majority of the population don't know that...& you can connect the 2 wires to absolutely anything that uses 4v or more which leads to all sorts of fun & games....just make damn sure it's not carrying any current when you connect the wires because the case is made from plastic so there is some danger of shrapnel wounds.
The usual prank was attaching them to starter motors on vehicles...the bigger ones made your ears ring for quite a while

I really need to look into their availbility in the US...I think they are called squibs were

 

[Moose-LandTran]

I am so getting me some of those!

 

[eschoendorff]

My old boss has a diesel ****** van, the return spring for the horn button in the wheel is broken, so sometimes the horn randomly goes off, and you can't stop it. I remember the guy i used to work with went to pick up some parts in it, we could hear him coming from way up the road. Every other person on the road was so pissed because they thought he was beeping them. That van was pretty fun.

Now that's funny

 

[eschoendorff]

Years ago we messed with a guy at work. Some days the horn would blow in time with the blinker, sometimes the windshield washer would squirt in time with the blinker.. other days the washer would squirt when he hit the brakes, then we had the washer going instead of the horn, then the horn would blast when he hit the brakes. He just about came unglued when we wired a electric det maroon to his high beam circuit, he called a tow truck out that time... This all took place over a period of about 6 months, he absolutely hated that car....

And that's even more funny!

makes me wish I knew how to do stuff like that.... as if I needed to be more obnoxious,

 

[nissan_crawler]

On the older, all steel vehicles, pull a plug wire and plug and ground it to the firewall. Then ask somebody to fire it up and move it for you.

I did this on the '57 to my auto tech teacher. We laughed for 5 minutes as he sat in the seat with his arms crossed unable to touch the keys or the door handle, shaking his head.

Sadly, he's the one who told us how to do it.

 

[Moose-LandTran]

On the older, all steel vehicles, pull a plug wire and plug and ground it to the firewall. Then ask somebody to fire it up and move it for you.

I did this on the '57 to my auto tech teacher. We laughed for 5 minutes as he sat in the seat with his arms crossed unable to touch the keys or the door handle, shaking his head.

Sadly, he's the one who told us how to do it.

I once went to test a misfire on a Volvo to determine which cylinders weren't firing, so stupidly i pulled the lead and took a hell of a shock down my fingers because i left it running while i pulled the leads. Not only was that stupid, but after putting that wire back, i pulled the next and did the same. Only after determining it was cylinders 2 and 3 that weren't firing, did it occur to me to switch off the engine when pulling the leads.

WooHoo.. 1,000 posts!

 

[wrenchr]

Woohoo.............2862 posts!!! lolololol!!

 

[Brandon_Lutz]

I have one for ya, although I didn't fix it, but my dads farming partner had to at the time (fixed it via writing a large check for repairs..)

Years ago my father got into the Sugar cane business after farming other crops for years. A good friend of his had been doing it for a while and they figured they would combine Sugar Cane crops together.

A plus of relationship was that Mr. Kerry had an old Ag Cat crop duster that he used on his crops. We had a local pilot named Sam who used to fly for various Crop Dusting services over the years fly the plane when needed.

One day before we needed some cane sprayed, we noticed while doing general maintenance that the tire on the tail of the plane is flat. Mr. Kerry tells Sam to run to town and go to the local crop dusting service and buy a new tire and wheel. (They sold the plane to us and supplied us with parts and repairs when needed)

Well ole Sam being the onry fellow that he was decided that he had better things to do that day. Instead of running to town, he goes by the local tire shop and buys a lawnmower tire that is the same size as the air planes tail wheel tire. He then has them mount it and etc. Never taking into account a mower tire is only rated to like 10 mph....

We of course are not aware that he has done this. We get the wheel back, put it on the plane, do what we have to do and Sam takes off without incident.

Field gets sprayed and Sam comes back to land the plane.. Front two wheels touch down, no problem... When the tail touches down with the mower tire, you guessed it, POP! Tire blows on contact, wheel digs into ground then PART OF THE TAIL RIPS OFF!

Plane careens off the runway and into a fence. All kind of stuff messed up. We find the blown tire on the run way and draw the conclusion that the tire blew and caused the calamity.

Thankfully, Sam was not injured. Kerry asks Sam where did he get the tire. Same replies the local tire place.

Kerry goes off the deep end because he automatically knows what Sam did.

"You mean to tell me you went to the tire shop and bought a lawnmower tire for the damn plane!?"

Sam says yep and we had to restrain Kerry from going after him lol.

Long story short, insurance paid for the repairs, but when we got the Ag Cat back we got a different pilot and most of the plane was gray repaired panels instead of the old yellow paint..

 

[ZRX61]

And that's even more funny!

makes me wish I knew how to do stuff like that.... as if I needed to be more obnoxious,

Few feet of wire with a crocodile clip on each end..attach one end to the + on the brake light switch & attach the other end to the + on the horn...
result being the horn will sound when the driver hits the brakes... & the brake lights will illuminate if the driver hits the horn...

Or one end on the flasher relay & the other end on the horn/windshield washer etc...

 

[ZRX61]

I am so getting me some of those!

House I lived at in Cambridge was on a corner & there were no fences etc. Local kids used to ride their bicycles right across the lawn which soon lead to it having a dirt path carved into it...
So one day when I knew they were in school I buried a row of the small ones. All wired individually with telephone wire to a piece of wood with a row of nails in it. Attach battery - terminal to the nails & have a piece of wire attached to the + terminal.

Then I just waited until the kids came home from school... first one got across the lawn but the 2nd one was chased by what looked & sounded like machine fire in the dirt just behind him.

Didn't have any problem with the kids after that.. altho I did have a somewhat interesting conversation with a police officer who laughed like a drain when he found out that I hadn't actually opened up on the kids with a real machine gun... I was *known* to the local constabulary at the time so the first words out of his mouth when I answered the knock at the door were "Just exactly what the **** did you do to your lawn??"

On another festive occasion I wired up some flash pots to the door bell. Carol singers show up, sing their song & ring the door bell...multiple BLINDING white flashes caused by showers of burning magnesium dust. Much swearing & stumbling about as it took a couple of minutes for them to get their vision back to normal.....

 

[Moose-LandTran]

House I lived at in Cambridge was on a corner & there were no fences etc. Local kids used to ride their bicycles right across the lawn which soon lead to it having a dirt path carved into it...
So one day when I knew they were in school I buried a row of the small ones. All wired individually with telephone wire to a piece of wood with a row of nails in it. Attach battery - terminal to the nails & have a piece of wire attached to the + terminal.

Then I just waited until the kids came home from school... first one got across the lawn but the 2nd one was chased by what looked & sounded like machine fire in the dirt just behind him.

Didn't have any problem with the kids after that.. altho I did have a somewhat interesting conversation with a police officer who laughed like a drain when he found out that I hadn't actually opened up on the kids with a real machine gun... I was *known* to the local constabulary at the time so the first words out of his mouth when I answered the knock at the door were "Just exactly what the **** did you do to your lawn??"

On another festive occasion I wired up some flash pots to the door bell. Carol singers show up, sing their song & ring the door bell...multiple BLINDING white flashes caused by showers of burning magnesium dust. Much swearing & stumbling about as it took a couple of minutes for them to get their vision back to normal.....

I like you..

 

[eschoendorff]

I like you..

x2

When you comin' to the states?

 

[ZRX61]

I'm in LA...

Peoiple who knew me around Cambridge also knew that I usually had something about my person that would make a loud noise. I'd show up at a party, place my packet of cigs on a table & the room would empty in about 2 seconds...
At my local bar I could walk in, throw a matchbox on the bar & half the customers would dive under the tables...

& just when they'd all get used to nothing happening when I did that & get no reaction, I'd get em & the whole process would start over again...usually took about 3 months for them to get used to things *not* going bang.. LOL

Just remembered an absolute classic:

Driving back to work one lunch time & I see a mate with a gas powered concrete saw making a cut on a sidewalk.... he has his back to the road & as I went past I dropped an M80 right behind him...
BOOOOM!
He jumped up, threw the saw away from him & ran away about 30ft. Then his boss comes outside & starts shouting at my mate who is pointing at the saw. I can't hear what they are saying (I'd stopped about 100 yards up the road) but the conversation is quite animated.

That night I'm in the local pub & I casually ask "so, how was your day at work?" Thats all it took, I could almost see the lightbulb go on above his head. He stared at me for a few seconds & then said "What the F*** did you do??" I spent 30 effing minutes trying to find out what was wrong with that damn saw"

 

[eschoendorff]

I'm in LA...

Peoiple who knew me around Cambridge also knew that I usually had something about my person that would make a loud noise. I'd show up at a party, place my packet of cigs on a table & the room would empty in about 2 seconds...
At my local bar I could walk in, throw a matchbox on the bar & half the customers would dive under the tables...

& just when they'd all get used to nothing happening when I did that & get no reaction, I'd get em & the whole process would start over again...usually took about 3 months for them to get used to things *not* going bang.. LOL

Just remembered an absolute classic:

Driving back to work one lunch time & I see a mate with a gas powered concrete saw making a cut on a sidewalk.... he has his back to the road & as I went past I dropped an M80 right behind him...
BOOOOM!
He jumped up, threw the saw away from him & ran away about 30ft. Then his boss comes outside & starts shouting at my mate who is pointing at the saw. I can't hear what they are saying (I'd stopped about 100 yards up the road) but the conversation is quite animated.

That night I'm in the local pub & I casually ask "so, how was your day at work?" Thats all it took, I could almost see the lightbulb go on above his head. He stared at me for a few seconds & then said "What the F*** did you do??" I spent 30 effing minutes trying to find out what was wrong with that damn saw"

 

[nissan_crawler]

My house had sat abandoned for 2 years when I bought it. As such, people though they could do whatever the hell they wanted in my yard.

I'm on a dead end and my driveway makes a big tear drop (I'm on 3 lots). Everybody seemed to think that made it ok for them to drive to the end of the street, turn left into my yard, drive through my whole yard, take the loop, and head off back down the street.

95% of the people that did it were attending a private park. I repeatedly asked the people to inform the users that somebody was living ont he property (not that that should ever have to be said anyway). They even put a sign up upon entering their park, yet the people still did it.

I posted signs up saying private property, house has been sold, etc., and people kept doing it. Twice I came close to getting ran over in my own damned yard.

One day I came home to two pickups and boats parked in my driveway. When I asked them to move, they told me "it'll just be a few minutes, they're opening the gate to the park soon".

I called the police, they wouldn't do anything about it, even though I had license plates and people were sitting there.

That was the last straw. I took a piece of 4x4 and drilled holes down the length of it, cut off 8" pieces of rebar at an angle, drove it into the holes in the 4x4. Then I screwed another 4x4 onto it, dug a trench across one side of the loop, and buried it and staked it with more rebar, so it poked out about 1.5".

I just drove in and out the same side all the time. In under 2 weeks, I got 13 vehicles that I saw. One poor ******* ran his super duty and double axle boat trailer through. Oh well, guess they should have paid attention to the private property, no trespassing signs posted.

Within 3 weeks, I never had a problem again.

 

[nissan_crawler]

I built a new fence for my property, and the last post I sunk a tall one so my mailbox could go on it. 4x4 wood 7" x 5/16" lag bolts.

The only place I can put my garbage can for pickup is right next to the mailbox. The idiots would pick up my can, set it down, then drive off without raising the boom all the way first.

1. They knocked the box off the post.

I called in, guy came out, I got 1 year free service and fixed it myself.

2. They knock it off again, ruining the box itself also. I call it in, the guy comes out...you should've seen the lock on his face when he finds out they hit a $200 hand hammered copper mailbox.

I get 2.5 years free service, get a new box, fix post again.

3. Some punk kids come and knock my mailbox off, beating it up some (neighbor saw it, didn't get plates).

I straighten the box up, and since it's the middle of the week and I don't have time, I ratchet strap it to the post so I can get mail until I fix it on the weekend.

4. They come back, apparently are mad because I have the box back up, and RAM the 4x4 post, snapping it off at the concrete, and breaking the next post up on the fence also. Luckily, the mailbox went flying, so they didn't run over it.

I decide I've had enough and talk to the mailman. He is willing to deliver my mail to the house until I can finish my new mailbox. One problem taken care of.

I call the local post office and find out that due to so many boxes being damaged, they have repealed the rules on only 4x4 wood post, or breakaway steel (reason it was wood to begin with). Anything goes. One more problem taken care of.

GAME ON!

600 pounds of concrete, 180 pounds of steel, one 9' 4x4" 3/8" wall steel post filled with concrete later...

Hit it, I dare ya.

It's so solid it won't even ring when you hit it.

It's been tested twice so far.

1. I come home from work at 2:30 am, and am stepping out of my truck when I see a white car flying up my dead end. I wonder wtf they're thinking, since the brick gates into the park are closed, and they have nowhere to go. I see their cell phone glowing by their ear about then... They see the gates at the last minute, slam on the brakes, flip a u-turn, slide off the road, down my driveway, and run smack dab into the side of my post.

Car is TOTALLED. The front end is pushed in a foot and is leaking antifreeze and ****** fluid in my driveway. Dumb broad gets out STILL yapping on a cell phone, except now crying about her car.

She asks me if she can drive it home. Umm, no. She gets a ride and heads off, I go to bed. When I woke up, car had been hauled off. I sprayed some new primer and paint on that side of the post. She got a new car.

Mailbox 1, car 0

I'm working in the garage late at night, hear a vehicle go into the park, then hear an engine revving and tires squealing, I don't pay much attention, and think some punks are screwing around. Then I hear this quite *ting* and screams as a vehicle goes flying by the yard. I didn't think much of it until I went to get the mail the next day and saw the aluminum bat with a huge dent in it laying on the ground, and a chip in the paint on the tube on the side of the mailbox.

Mailbox 1, punks 0.

 

[Theo]

I don't know why but I love mailbox stories.

I though a friend of mine had taken the cake with his box. He took a standard sized mailbox, put inside an over sized mailbox and filled the gap between then with concrete.

He has a few "broken bat" stories, but no broken car stories.

 

[CatfishXpress]

When he was a teenager my brother messed up a fine 72 chevy truck that we had just finished fixing up.

We had just put a new radio and speakers in, he took it down the road to see how it sounded over the noise of the engine with the windows down etc. He was gonna turn around in my uncle's driveway, (at the same time he was messing with buttons on the radio). He centered the mailbox, it was mounted on a piece of railroad steel set in cement.

It cost thousands of dollars, and untold man hours to get the truck back in shape. We fixed the mailbox and post back to original condition with a can of Krylon spray paint.

 

[eschoendorff]

I built a new fence for my property, and the last post I sunk a tall one so my mailbox could go on it. 4x4 wood 7" x 5/16" lag bolts.

The only place I can put my garbage can for pickup is right next to the mailbox. The idiots would pick up my can, set it down, then drive off without raising the boom all the way first.

1. They knocked the box off the post.

I called in, guy came out, I got 1 year free service and fixed it myself.

2. They knock it off again, ruining the box itself also. I call it in, the guy comes out...you should've seen the lock on his face when he finds out they hit a $200 hand hammered copper mailbox.

I get 2.5 years free service, get a new box, fix post again.

3. Some punk kids come and knock my mailbox off, beating it up some (neighbor saw it, didn't get plates).

I straighten the box up, and since it's the middle of the week and I don't have time, I ratchet strap it to the post so I can get mail until I fix it on the weekend.

4. They come back, apparently are mad because I have the box back up, and RAM the 4x4 post, snapping it off at the concrete, and breaking the next post up on the fence also. Luckily, the mailbox went flying, so they didn't run over it.

I decide I've had enough and talk to the mailman. He is willing to deliver my mail to the house until I can finish my new mailbox. One problem taken care of.

I call the local post office and find out that due to so many boxes being damaged, they have repealed the rules on only 4x4 wood post, or breakaway steel (reason it was wood to begin with). Anything goes. One more problem taken care of.

GAME ON!

600 pounds of concrete, 180 pounds of steel, one 9' 4x4" 3/8" wall steel post filled with concrete later...

Hit it, I dare ya.

It's so solid it won't even ring when you hit it.

It's been tested twice so far.

1. I come home from work at 2:30 am, and am stepping out of my truck when I see a white car flying up my dead end. I wonder wtf they're thinking, since the brick gates into the park are closed, and they have nowhere to go. I see their cell phone glowing by their ear about then... They see the gates at the last minute, slam on the brakes, flip a u-turn, slide off the road, down my driveway, and run smack dab into the side of my post.

Car is TOTALLED. The front end is pushed in a foot and is leaking antifreeze and ****** fluid in my driveway. Dumb broad gets out STILL yapping on a cell phone, except now crying about her car.

She asks me if she can drive it home. Umm, no. She gets a ride and heads off, I go to bed. When I woke up, car had been hauled off. I sprayed some new primer and paint on that side of the post. She got a new car.

Mailbox 1, car 0

I'm working in the garage late at night, hear a vehicle go into the park, then hear an engine revving and tires squealing, I don't pay much attention, and think some punks are screwing around. Then I hear this quite *ting* and screams as a vehicle goes flying by the yard. I didn't think much of it until I went to get the mail the next day and saw the aluminum bat with a huge dent in it laying on the ground, and a chip in the paint on the tube on the side of the mailbox.

Mailbox 1, punks 0.

Dude, you are the CHAMP! Best looking mailbox I've ever seen!


ps... if people park in my yard, I just call a tow truck...

 

[T56 Impala]

Man I love that mail box!!!!! I vote this the #1 story so far. The home made "spike strip" comes in a close second though! I only wish I could have done the same. I was on a corner lot and folks loved driving through my yard. I ask the police what I could do to stop them. I was informed that if I even so much as put a boulder in my yard and someone hit it, I could end up in jail.

 

[Moose-LandTran]

600 pounds of concrete, 180 pounds of steel, one 9' 4x4" 3/8" wall steel post filled with concrete later...

Hit it, I dare ya.

It's so solid it won't even ring when you hit it.

It's been tested twice so far.

1. I come home from work at 2:30 am, and am stepping out of my truck when I see a white car flying up my dead end. I wonder wtf they're thinking, since the brick gates into the park are closed, and they have nowhere to go. I see their cell phone glowing by their ear about then... They see the gates at the last minute, slam on the brakes, flip a u-turn, slide off the road, down my driveway, and run smack dab into the side of my post.

Car is TOTALLED. The front end is pushed in a foot and is leaking antifreeze and ****** fluid in my driveway. Dumb broad gets out STILL yapping on a cell phone, except now crying about her car.

She asks me if she can drive it home. Umm, no. She gets a ride and heads off, I go to bed. When I woke up, car had been hauled off. I sprayed some new primer and paint on that side of the post. She got a new car.

Mailbox 1, car 0

I'm working in the garage late at night, hear a vehicle go into the park, then hear an engine revving and tires squealing, I don't pay much attention, and think some punks are screwing around. Then I hear this quite *ting* and screams as a vehicle goes flying by the yard. I didn't think much of it until I went to get the mail the next day and saw the aluminum bat with a huge dent in it laying on the ground, and a chip in the paint on the tube on the side of the mailbox.

Mailbox 1, punks 0.

That is AWESOME!!! I love the wrecked car and dented bat, must've given them a shock!

My friend has a couple solutions for people parking on his land. He lives in what is essentially a converted underground carpark under an office block, he also owns the carpark behind the office block. People kept coming and parking behind the block because it was free. This pissed him off, he uses it like a junkyard for donor cars when he fixes his other cars and projects.

One guy parked his new-ish BMW 5-Series there once, we were out in the yard picking the engine out of a Passat, we told him that he couldn't park there and that it was private land, he told us to go f**k ourselves. We let him walkn off, then stuck some 1/2" steel towing chains through the spokes of his nice shiny new wheels, then we dragged out the yard with a Dodge Ram, up a kerb and onto a pavement, we didn't care if anything was broken, he'd pissed us off.

Another time, someone had parked a Nissan in there during the night, so we stuck a nice thick steel clamp (boot?) on their wheel. This girl turns up and demands we remove it. We demand $500 or it's staying there. She says she's going to call the police and we can't do this. So my friend calmy explains to her that the land is private property, and she can call the police and we'll have her done for trespassing. She ran to an ATM.

 

[eschoendorff]

Another time, someone had parked a Nissan in there during the night, so we stuck a nice thick steel clamp (boot?) on their wheel. This girl turns up and demands we remove it. We demand $500 or it's staying there. She says she's going to call the police and we can't do this. So my friend calmy explains to her that the land is private property, and she can call the police and we'll have her done for trespassing. She ran to an ATM.

awesome

 

[Moose-LandTran]

Another one..

One of the cars at work, rebuilt wreck. It's a '98 Golf MK. IV TDI, early 1.9-litre with a Bosch VE injector pump.

It was blowing thick black smoke, if you drove it down the street people would sverve to avoid the smoke. If you revved it up it blew black smoke everywhere and left a 2' across patch of black soot on the ground. He idiot that put it back together (NOT my friend Brian, who i work with.) had decided that this was a problem with the exhaust. So he pulled the middle and rear exhaust section off the donor car. Me and Brian both said that this wouldn't make a blind bit of difference.

Anyway, he fits it and it's exactly the same, we can't get it to pass the inspection in this state, and we tell him this. He's adamant it will, so we send it up the road to the testing station. They won't even test it.

Why is it blowing black smoke? It's a diesel, black smoke means it's running rich. This car uses electronic throttle, and has an MAF sensor. The control on the injector pump is electronic. i put two and two together. It's reading the amount of air being inducted and is taking a signal from the accelerator pedal to inject the right amount of fuel. It's running rich, so it's injecting more fuel than it needs. It's not the MAF because we just replaced it.

Anyway, he gets canned and i look at the car. First problem i can see, the hard plastic induction pipe that runs from the intercooler to the intake manifold is loose, and it's been hitting the power steering pump pulley, which has worn a groove and hole into it. Why is it loose? the end of the silicone hose between this pipe and the intercooler is loose. Instead of the steel spring clamp it should have, he's zip-tied it, so it's come onto boost and blow off, if he even connected it in the first place. The intercooler isn't bolted up right, and one mount is held on with another zip-tie.

I take off the hard pipe, use two-part epoxy to fix the groove and the hole, connect all the pipes up properly, clean the intake silencer up, mount the intercooler properly and put it back together. Seems the reason it was smoking is that the MAF, being between the air filter and turbo, is reading the amount of air inducted into the turbo. The loose pipes means there's a lot of air being lost from the induction system. So the engine's not getting as much air as it thinks it is, but it has no way of telling. So it's injecting more fuel than it needs. Once i've fixed all the piping and put it back together properly, it doesn't blow any black smoke.

I was quite proud of that. My first start-to-finish diagnosis and repair. Something that 3 mechanics (including one 20-year veteran of VW) couldn't diagnose properly. I've diagnosed and repaired other problems before, but that's the first do-everything-entirely-myself one i've done.