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Helping a Hoarder .... how do you do it?

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oldtools808

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When is Hording a problem? when it endangers the health of self & others?
or just a lifestyle choice that take up room?
What support groups are available for Hoarders? like AA for Alcoholics...
On "Hoarders Buried alive" TV, you see some extreme cases that needs intervention and therapy...
 
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adragontattoo

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Aug 20, 2012
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Winchester, Va
I have a friend (LOL..no it's not me) who has 7 garages FULL of stuff...good valuable tools along with clutter...a 30 year collection.

This spring he will be decluttering those garages.

Any suggestions as to how to help him and his family reach the decluttered state?

I have read some of the stories here in the discussion groups and they have been an eye opener..especially the one from Detroit that never ended.

FYI...I have gotten him to stop buying stuff for a couple of years now so no new stuff has been added to the collections so I think that angle is covered. And from what I have seen the guy is willing to get rid of stuff..there is just so much stuff...that I am looking for ways to speed the downsizing.

Thanks for any advice or suggestions.

This comes from personal experience on both sides of this job. If he truly is a hoarder, I hope that you are ready for a fight to actually eliminate the "stuff", because it will likely not be a painless process. I would love to know how you got him to actually stop picking up stuff or if he just agreed and had started hiding the "new" stuff.

Depending on what the stuff consists of, my suggestion is to work through a single garage at a time.

If possible, get a Keep, Sell, Donate, and Scrap pile as well as a dumpster for the rest and keep the Keep pile as small as possible (same method for all 7 but only work on one at a time.)

Depending on how much time you are willing to invest, the tools that are worth selling might be worth holding until you get through all 7 garages (use garage 1 as the selling room) and then sell everything via fleabay, garage sale, Craigslist, auction or whatever.

Donate everything you can, the tax write off is potentially worth it.

If there is a scrap yard somewhere reasonable, scrap whatever isnt worth donating or selling to recoup "some".

Depending on what it is, and who is helping, let them have whatever they want in exchange for helping. Paying them with the contents is potentially worth their continued help to complete the "impossible".

Dumpster the rest and realize that you will likely pay by the pound while they turn around and sell the scrap.

Assume that it will be slow going at least at first (and slower still if the hoarder is second guessing), keep the hoarder from pulling things out of the various piles and back to the keep group. There will likely be some incredible stuff but unless you know someone who can use it right then, there is a limit to what all you should "keep".
 

wrench409

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When is Hording a problem? when it endangers the health of self & others?

I used to joke with the wife if the old place caught fire, it would burn for a week. On a serious note, whenever I begin speaking about her stuff, she get's defensive IMMEDIATELY. That's a sure sign of OCD.

or just a lifestyle choice that take up room?
That's usually used an excuse.

What support groups are available for Hoarders? like AA for Alcoholics...
Here's one I just Googled:

http://www.ocfoundation.org/hoarding/

There are some self help groups out there as well.

It's a condition that varies in severity greatly in individuals.

On "Hoarders Buried alive" TV, you see some extreme cases that needs intervention and therapy...
True. The current **** tube has an industry geared to the extremes of everything. As they run out of ideas, the mundane is becoming TV fodder. Producers are driven to ratings. Some shows I really thought were great get the axe and we end up with 'honey boo boo' ****.

I watched a 'Hoarders' last night that ended up great. The episode about the artist. Nice one for a change. I however hated seeing all the books going to the dump.
 

drb007

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Seems to me he just needs an 8th garage...he has a space issue!
 
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Sometimes I think some "hoarders" have just miscalculated their space requirements.

From the Hoarders show and news accounts, there are obviously people living in garbage or piles of dead animals..and have a serious problem.

For those who are "space challenged" with a few too many things for their garage/shop space, I think shifting priorites or acquiring a bit more space may be in order.

The friend I am helping with the 7 garages...being that he has on his own gotten rid of stuff once he recognizes that the need for it is gone...I think is a low grade hoarder so I think he will be successful in downsizing.
 

Glenn M.

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just remember guys...the compulsion to make things "neat and organized" can be just as dis-functional as hoarding. Many people don't understand the time and $'s spent in the garage or in the time and $'s it takes to store and hoard, (collect).

All our habits and behaviors are based in fear on an unconscious level. Hoarding helps the hoarder feel secure and resourceful while the sanitary operating room garages and all stages leading up to that level of cleanliness (next to godliness), satisfies some parents' expectation of that person. Society generally applauds neatness and disparages those who are slobs...even on this forum.

There are countless apologies from guys who can't come up to imagined and demonstrated standards (pics) of functionality and neatness. Many feel inferior and not up to some imaginary standard.


7 garages full of stuff didn't happen overnight and neither does a quart a day habit of vodka happen all at once. We tend to relegate therapy and therapists to the group of fellowmen who are mass killers, etc., but in truth they are available in droves in every community for more subtle maladies like hoarding and obsessive compulsive behavior.

Most all of us have someone in our daily lives that we'd like to change and therein lies all our problems..."if everyone would be more like me, the world would be better." instead of: "my belief system is not the only way, but just another way." ;)

Exactly. X10. Well said.
 

R6 Racer

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It's just a thought, but... would it help if your friend knew that all that good stuff he needs to get rid of was going to someone who would truly, deeply appreciate it? Knowing it's going to someone who appreciates it for what it is & knowing that the person getting it is going to refurbish & regularly use the item he's letting go of can make it much easier for him to actually let go! You have a great resource right here, there are lots of guys here who would most likely love some of the stuff he needs to move out.
The OCD (that desire that's deep inside him) that's responsible for the collecting of stuff can be used as motivation, if you can turn it a bit into more of a need to have an neat, clean & organized, usable shop space. You want to be excited about what's going to be there when the task is finished, & most importantly, you need to help build/generate that excitement into him!
Depending on where you & he are there might even be some on here who would volunteer to help. I know I would.

Best of luck to both of you.
Steve

P.S. pm me if you would like help. If I can, I will.
 

Mattlt

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On "Hoarders Buried alive" TV, you see some extreme cases that needs intervention and therapy...

One problem I have with the show is they do not seem to distinguish between what I see as the (at least) two different types of hoarders. 1) those that just plain have too much stuff, and 2) those that poop in a bag and throw it in the corner. There have got to be drastically different issues going on with these two personalities.

I would consider my mother a hoarder. When she moved off the farm into an apartment, we started her off with new furniture, etc. Hoping it would be a fresh start. Not so much. Still keeps old, nasty food in the fridge and cupboards. Stacks of newspapers and magazines, etc. She gets upset when questioned about it, and really mad if we try to clean it up. Very frustrating.
 
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metalhead212121

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I dont know about the rest of you guys but I wanna see pics of all Too_Many_Tools friends ****!

As far as hoarding goes yes I can relate. My mother is a hoarder/EXTREME cheapskate! While she isnt a candidate for the show "Hoarders" she should be on one of those extreme cheapskate. For bonus points she IS one of the people that has money placed all over the house. My mother didnt live through the Depression but my grandmother did. Ive heard that hoarding is hereditary and I do admit I have a problem to an extent...
 
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I dont know about the rest of you guys but I wanna see pics of all Too_Many_Tools friends ****!

As far as hoarding goes yes I can relate. My mother is a hoarder/EXTREME cheapskate! While she isnt a candidate for the show "Hoarders" she should be on one of those extreme cheapskate. For bonus points she IS one of the people that has money placed all over the house. My mother didnt live through the Depression but my grandmother did. Ive heard that hoarding is hereditary and I do admit I have a problem to an extent...

I have seen estimates that 15-30% of the population has hoarding problems.

Note the existence of the multi billion dollar do-it-yourself storage industry..a indication of how large the national problem is.
 
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I dont know about the rest of you guys but I wanna see pics of all Too_Many_Tools friends ****!

As far as hoarding goes yes I can relate. My mother is a hoarder/EXTREME cheapskate! While she isnt a candidate for the show "Hoarders" she should be on one of those extreme cheapskate. For bonus points she IS one of the people that has money placed all over the house. My mother didnt live through the Depression but my grandmother did. Ive heard that hoarding is hereditary and I do admit I have a problem to an extent...

Sorry...no photos...it would be a betrayal of his trust in me.

I will say that anything I have seen in the garages would last about 5 minutes on a garage sale..and the buyer would be thrilled to death to have found it.

Some hoarders hoard true junk/trash worth nothing...others hoard stuff worth real money.

I think the true junk/trash people are "easier" to help...get a dumpster and toss (always checking for secret money stashes)

The stuff worth real money hoarders..one item at a time which you have to translate into cash.
 
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One problem I have with the show is they do not seem to distinguish between what I see as the (at least) two different types of hoarders. 1) those that just plain have too much stuff, and 2) those that poop in a bag and throw it in the corner. There have got to be drastically different issues going on with these two personalities.

I would consider my mother a hoarder. When she moved off the farm into an apartment, we started her off with new furniture, etc. Hoping it would be a fresh start. Not so much. Still keeps old, nasty food in the fridge and cupboards. Stacks of newspapers and magazines, etc. She gets upset when questioned about it, and really mad if we try to clean it up. Very frustrating.

Nasty food and paper tigers seem to be a common problem with older women...I saw this in several older women of families I know.

What seemed to work is to have a trusted family member or friend do a once a month purge while the elderly woman supervises. At first there is resistance but once they realize they have the control, it slowly gets done. Patience, patience, patience...not a job for someone who does not have it. It is like teaching driving to the wife...only a few husbands are up to it.
 

oldtools808

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Hoarder or Pack-Rat; from WebMD...
Studies have found that the frontal lobe within the brain of someone who hoards tends to work differently, he says. This region is crucial for weighing options and thinking rationally. As a result, their priorities are different from those of non-hoarders, and “those are things we can imagine might feed into a hoarding problem,”.
Therapy for Hoarding

Tolin and Tompkins suggest an approach called cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This treatment teaches people to see the objects around them in a new light and to change their hoarding behaviors. Tompkins says that CBT sessions can help a hoarding client:
  • Make more reasonable judgments when deciding if an object is worthy of keeping or not
  • Learn how to make quick decisions on whether to keep an object or toss it
  • Practice discarding items while sorting through the intense emotions they trigger
 

Kevin54

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A number of years back, there was this guy that walked around town. He had one of those growths on his head that looked like an apple. So everyone always called him "the guy with the apple on his head". After the Post Office closed, you would see him going through the trash. If he was walking down an alley, he would stop and pick up a stick. He always had a sack with him that he was putting things in. This when on for years. No one really knew who this guy was. My dad and I were downtown one day and I saw him and he was carrying his sack. I mentioned to my dad about the "guy with an apple on his head". Dad looked where he was and told me "that is your distant cousin" :scared: His name was Frank Clough. Dad also explained to me that he was a POW in Germany and managed to escape from the POW camp and made it back to the states. Once he was back, he was never right after that. When he passed away, his house was so full of trash that you couldn't get through it. Along with all of the trash, he had money stashed everywhere because he never spent any. According to dad, being a POW really changed him. And dad always told me "and don't go around telling people you are related to him" :spit:

From one day of knowing "the guy with an apple on his head" and being a hoarder that picked through trash, I had a new found respect for a man named Frank Clough. :rocker:

It's odd as to why people do what they do. And it's sad as to why they do it. For a hoarder, if lucky, you can change them if all for the fact the safety issues that goes along with being a hoarder. I watch Hoarders on the tube, and really, I do not understand at all, what goes through their minds when the house is infested with cockroaches, bedbugs, mice, and rats, yet they are perfectly content in living that way. Hiding purchases from a spouse because they know they are doing wrong. And spending lifes money savings to keep buying.

I know that if we had a hoarder in our family and it was so bad that it was to the point of their life being at risk, you could bet on it that I would turn them into authorities to get something done. When it's so bad a paramedic couldn't get in the house, or a fireman get in to rescue someone, a human life takes precedence over a bunch of worthless trash.

Hoarding is a mental disorder. My parents were not hoarders but they looked at material possessions differently than I do. Everything they bought had value. Even after years and years, that item they bought years back, according to them, as long as it worked, it still had value. They didn't look at thing as depreciating in value. I think this all stemmed from growing up through the Great Depression. I don't know how many years they hung on to a portable black & white TV because it still worked. It had to be one of the last B&W's in the county. One year, many, many, years ago, my wife and I bought my parents a grill with a rotisserie. It was used one time, washed up and put down the basement. When my parents went into the nursing home(s) and we had to clean the house out to sell, the grill w/rotisserie went to the guy cleaning things out. It had set down in their basement for roughly 34 years. They never used it, but didn't want to get rid of it because we bought it for them. My mom and dad both ended up getting Dementia-Alzheimers towards the end.

My wife's girlfriend....her parents are full fledged hoarders. They started to fall and really couldn't take care of theirself, so they went into an Assisted Living facility. The wifes girfriend is stuck along with her husband of cleaning out the house. Nothing of use per se, but they hoarded newspapers mainly, along with some other things. Floor to ceiling and nothing but paths through the house with barely enough room to walk. They are also diagnosed with Dementia-Alzheimers.

So it makes me wonder if the two sort of go hand in hand, meaning ending up with D-A and hoarding?

My wife doesn't really hoard, but she likes to collect. Part of her problem was that she lost everything in a fire right before we got together. She became a Longaberger Consultant. There is not a room in the house that doesn't have Longaberger Basket in it somewhere. Plus a closet, well two closets clear full of baskets. I have been trying to tell her to sell them in one lump to some other collector, take a loss, and use the money to buy something she enjoys. Currently they are insured for $40,000. Her girlfriend that has always had a craft store or some side business, sells stamps. Rubber stamps that you can use to make custom greeting cards and so on. It's great, and her girlfriend has ones that she teaches classes to. So now my wifes collecting has shifted from baskets to stamps. She's worked all her life, so what money she spends is her money. I'd be afraid to take a guess though how much is wrapped up in that hobby. I guess in a way, I don't really want to know. But even to go along with that hobby, I had to put cabinets in her building for organization and storage for her addiction. Almost 24' of cabinet space clear full. I do have her talked into giving some of her baskets away to her niece and her sister. She was trying to sell some but she's asking a little less than retail for them and no one is going to pay that. It gets to be a touchy subject at times. I'm going to try one more time this Spring when we start getting things ready for summer and cleaning things up to make a list, and we have a good friend who is an auctioneer and having a go that route. Keeping my fingers crossed on that one. :spit:
 

jonesg

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You can't fix it in a day, a weekend, or a year but it helps to look at it in stages...and get some pro guidance.

I was 1000 miles into the dark forest but it was only 12 steps to the sunlight.

If the professionals had an answer the prisons would be 75% empty.
 
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