From the Office of Dewey, Srewum and Howe, Purveyors of Fine Pole Barns
Dear Mr CVC MAN,
Thank you for your inquiry about the naughty wood and the multitude of pictures showing the same from the recent build of our company's pole barn for you.
While we can assure you that the naughty wood is by no means comprised in strength or performance we may not have been a diligent in telling you about our non naughty wood packages. You may recall them being referred to as our Artisanal Options 1,2 and 3.
Option 3 would have given you no obvious naughtiness but you may have been bothered by what you couldn't see so perhaps Artisanal Option 2 would have been better.
Option 2 comes with a certificate stating that no hidden naughtiness was noted and that only lumber that was of good character was used in the construction of your pole barn. But given the number of photos you sent us along with the documentation of each naughty perhaps Option 1 would have been best.
Option 1 allows for no naughtiness in anyway shape or form. Trees used have their DNA tested and each piece is CAT scanned to rule out even the hint of naughtiness. Coming from Old Growth Timbers that have been sourced with due regard to every environmental and ethical concern including asking the tree if it was ready to die and then given the appropriate counseling and cooling off period. With Option One even the most concerned buyer can rest easy.
You may have felt the 30,000 percent increase in price for Option one over the price of your Naughty Wood Package was out of reach but who can put a price on peace of mind. Certainly not someone with OCD!
Please feel free to contact our office with any further concerns or if you wish a quote to replace your Naughty Wood with one of our Artisanal Options.
Dewey from Dewey, Screwum and Howe