Another flashback, this one from about 6 days ago.
I decide to get the front wheels off and start the brake system work.
I have a nice Craftsman 3 ton floor jack, which I got a year ago from a neighbor who was moving away. "Mick, you can have this. It doesn't work. It goes up, then goes down by itself. I've added oil, but still does it. It's not safe, but if you want to try to fix it, you can have it." So I took it, and thought I'd fixed it, but randomly unscrewing things until air and oil came bubbling out. When I was done, it worked, but had the "air in the hydraulic lines" sound to it. But I could stand on it, and it didn't go down. That's a good test, right?
Ignoring the tiny voice in my head, I started jacking up the front of the TBird. Now, this car weighs 4400 lbs, and a lot of that weight is in the front. Nah, I know what I'm doing. I get it up to about halfway, high enough most of the weight is off the wheels, but enough I can pull the lugnuts without the wheel/tire moving. I get the wheels off, barely, and resume jacking. Nope, the car isn't going up. In fact, it may be going down slowly. I quickly got jackstands under things, and took the weight off the jack. Whew. Ok, what time does HF close? I need a new jack. Umm. Maybe I can fix this one.
Now, a key point to this story. I didn't have the manual, and I hadn't searched for the manual.
I get some oil. I take the checkvalve out. Oil and air come out, making a mess. Ah! I raise the jack all the way, and open the check valve. Oil comes out, making a great imitation of Hawaiian lava flows - inexorably flowing all over. Hmmm. I know you fill this with it raised. Then I look around and find the actual oil fill spot. Ok, got it. Raise it up, fill the oil to the brim, replace the plug, and them lower it quickly. Now, I'm tall - 6'7" (200 cm) and I'm looking down at the jack as I lower it. My face is maybe six feet from it. When it comes down, it goes off, not like a Hawaiian volcano. Nope, it does a great imitation of Mt. St. Helens. Blam, whoosh gurble. All over the garage. And my face. My shirt. The car. Anything in a 12 foot radius.
All those light tan spots, freckles if you will, on the floor are the oil stains from the stupid jack owner.
I read the manual, came back the next day and fixed the jack and finished raising the car.
Edit: do NOT follow any "instructions" you read in this post! Don't do it. It's wrong. To follow any of my steps will cause death, destruction of the vehicle you are lifting, raise your insurance rates and make your wife a widow and your friends will console her in ways you might not approve. If you don't die, people will laugh at you for all time.