Old shop sayiings
- Thread starter Danglerb
- Start date
ROFL!91FE
Well-known member
My go-to's for when the answer to the question is undoubtedly YES...
Is a frog's *** watertight?
Does the Pope **** in the woods?
Is a frog's *** watertight?
Does the Pope **** in the woods?
rcleaver
Well-known member
I'd like to help ya out ... which way did ya come in?
r6_cannibal
Well-known member
I didn't bust my knuckles, I was simply protecting my ratchet
and one about our favourite thread-lined tape...
If you can't duc it, f*ck it.
and one about our favourite thread-lined tape...
If you can't duc it, f*ck it.
Frank Elson
Well-known member
furriner question again lads.
What's "PG" ?
I suppose it's your version of our "PC" - politically correct - but I can't guess the G.
Diesel-Mech
Well-known member
Its part of the parental movie rating system, in this case it means parental guidance.
USA movie rating system.
G Disney explains life with dogs that don't lick themselves.
PG Dogs may have attitude or pass gas.
PG 13 One of the dogs may die, or smell another dogs rear.
R Dog licks himself with enthusiasm
X Somebody else licks the dog.
nissan_crawler
Well-known member
Dust
Well-known member
About our very dirty and poorly maintained shop: Ridden hard and put away wet.
About a part of a vehicle that doesn't look right, or doesn't fit properly: Like a saddle on a hog.
An exclamation of anger, dismay, excitement, surprise, or randomness: Bob Saget!
About a part of a vehicle that doesn't look right, or doesn't fit properly: Like a saddle on a hog.
An exclamation of anger, dismay, excitement, surprise, or randomness: Bob Saget!
Found a few more.
*************
BRAKE & FRONT END magazine editor Andrew Markel passes along some of the best “one liners” that come from repair orders and the economy of language used by service advisors/writers. Here are a few of the funnier ones.
Service Advisor: Dead bugs on windshield.
Tech: Live bugs on back-order.
SA: Evidence of coolant leak found on passenger floorboard.
Tech: Evidence removed.
SA: Customer can not turn on car.
Tech: Can I see the customer?
SA: Brakes make the car stop suddenly.
Tech: That is what they were designed to do?
SA: Volume of tire noise unbelievably loud.
Tech: Tire noise volume set to more believable level.
SA: Suspect worn brakes.
Tech: Suspect you’re right.
SA: Driver says the engine missing.
Tech: Engine found under the hood after brief search.
SA: Vehicle handles funny.
Tech: Vehicle warned to straighten up and be serious.
SA: Heater fan hums.
Tech: Replaced with heater that knows the lyrics.
SA: Mouse in engine compartment.
Tech: Cat installed.
SA: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a dwarf pounding on something with a hammer.
Tech: Took hammer away from dwarf.
*************
BRAKE & FRONT END magazine editor Andrew Markel passes along some of the best “one liners” that come from repair orders and the economy of language used by service advisors/writers. Here are a few of the funnier ones.
Service Advisor: Dead bugs on windshield.
Tech: Live bugs on back-order.
SA: Evidence of coolant leak found on passenger floorboard.
Tech: Evidence removed.
SA: Customer can not turn on car.
Tech: Can I see the customer?
SA: Brakes make the car stop suddenly.
Tech: That is what they were designed to do?
SA: Volume of tire noise unbelievably loud.
Tech: Tire noise volume set to more believable level.
SA: Suspect worn brakes.
Tech: Suspect you’re right.
SA: Driver says the engine missing.
Tech: Engine found under the hood after brief search.
SA: Vehicle handles funny.
Tech: Vehicle warned to straighten up and be serious.
SA: Heater fan hums.
Tech: Replaced with heater that knows the lyrics.
SA: Mouse in engine compartment.
Tech: Cat installed.
SA: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a dwarf pounding on something with a hammer.
Tech: Took hammer away from dwarf.
oldgoat
Well-known member
Have seen most of the ones that I've used or heard before except these two.
Colder than a witch's t!t in a brass bra
Colder than a well digger's a$$.
It is a three dog night cold outside.
Did I mention that I hate cold weather?
Colder than a witch's t!t in a brass bra
Colder than a well digger's a$$.
It is a three dog night cold outside.
Did I mention that I hate cold weather?
nightrain00
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2008
- Messages
- 134
I always piss off my foreman with this line when he tells me the engines making a funny sound " Is it funny strange or funny Ha-Ha?" . Oddly enought it's never funny Ha-Ha.
Question
Well-known member
It takes twice as long, to do it wrong....
MOPARHOUND!
Well-known member
Overcoming frustration: "Yard by yard it's hard, inch by inch it's a cinch."
Big breakthrough on a project: "Throw out the wood stove Ethel, we're cooking with gas now!"
Reply during the salesman's spiel: "You could sell ice cubes to eskimos in the dead of winter!"
As the salesman leaves: "If B.S. was music, he'd be a whole brass band."
Sign in shop: "We have to keep our prices low enough to keep your business, but high enough to keep ours."
How you doing?: "Finer than frog hair split 4 ways."
Response to lame excuse/poor prioritizing: "And if the hound hadn't stopped to whiz, he'd have caught the rabbit too!"
Employee encouragement: "Autograph your work with excellence, people will take notice."
Employee chastisement: "Wake up and smell the coffee kid."
How's biz? "Busier than all outdoors in the summer-time."
Barely acceptable quality: "Good enough for the girls I go with."
How fast is it: "It'll outrun a long distance phone call!"
Your job simplified: "Alignment, Assignment, Execution" (Alignment (show up), Assignment (know what you're doing), Execution (Do It!))
Big breakthrough on a project: "Throw out the wood stove Ethel, we're cooking with gas now!"
Reply during the salesman's spiel: "You could sell ice cubes to eskimos in the dead of winter!"
As the salesman leaves: "If B.S. was music, he'd be a whole brass band."
Sign in shop: "We have to keep our prices low enough to keep your business, but high enough to keep ours."
How you doing?: "Finer than frog hair split 4 ways."
Response to lame excuse/poor prioritizing: "And if the hound hadn't stopped to whiz, he'd have caught the rabbit too!"
Employee encouragement: "Autograph your work with excellence, people will take notice."
Employee chastisement: "Wake up and smell the coffee kid."
How's biz? "Busier than all outdoors in the summer-time."
Barely acceptable quality: "Good enough for the girls I go with."
How fast is it: "It'll outrun a long distance phone call!"
Your job simplified: "Alignment, Assignment, Execution" (Alignment (show up), Assignment (know what you're doing), Execution (Do It!))
Pop
New member
Sign in shop: "We have to keep our prices low enough to keep your business, but high enough to keep ours."
Now that's cooler than the backside of a pillow.
Now that's cooler than the backside of a pillow.
rcleaver
Well-known member
rofl lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
kf4zht
Well-known member
Don't look at me in that tone of voice - usually when someone is going on about something
2 or more guys who can't fix somthing - y'all look like a flock of monkeys f****ing a football
And we have named all the hammer in the shop:
Darn it - small ball pein
Da*n it - medium hammer
God Da*n it - big hammer
God f***ing Da*n it - 12 lb sledge
Soft Da*n it - deadblow
2 or more guys who can't fix somthing - y'all look like a flock of monkeys f****ing a football
And we have named all the hammer in the shop:
Darn it - small ball pein
Da*n it - medium hammer
God Da*n it - big hammer
God f***ing Da*n it - 12 lb sledge
Soft Da*n it - deadblow
Itzkwik
Well-known member
About the idiots in the shop:
-That boy could break a crowbar
-Like a bull in a china shop, everything he doesn't break, he shits on.
-That boy could break a crowbar
-Like a bull in a china shop, everything he doesn't break, he shits on.
r6_cannibal
Well-known member
that boy is weapons-grade stupid.
don't over complicate it! this aint rocket surgery!
don't over complicate it! this aint rocket surgery!
Frank Elson
Well-known member
'Dont worry lad we'll soon design the simplicity out of it' - Lord Hives, chairman of Rolls Royce, when Frank Whittle carefully explained the principle of the jet engine to him.
Frank Elson
Well-known member
speed bump
Well-known member
After finding out that our forms didn't work properly for building a 12x12x6 foot block for the mining competition. "****, if we hadn't spent the last couple of years in school learning to be engineers this probably would of worked".
When asked if its good enough: Good enough for the girls I go with
Sheet rockers response when something looks bad: Leave it thats the tapers job.
When asked if its good enough: Good enough for the girls I go with
Sheet rockers response when something looks bad: Leave it thats the tapers job.
Identaltech
Well-known member
looks good from my house.
Nik_95Cobra
Well-known member
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2008
- Messages
- 241
My brother always makes me laugh when he says "Tighter than a ducks *** in water". My dad likes to say, "You can't educate the world", when a blowhard comes in and tells a bunch of far fetched stories.
caper
Well-known member
It's good from far but far from good.
Customer:What kind of warranty on that job?
Tech:Curb and gutter sir.
Customer:Whats that?
Tech:Over the curb and you gutter!
Tailight warranty-Once the tailights disappear so does the warranty.
Customer:What kind of warranty on that job?
Tech:Curb and gutter sir.
Customer:Whats that?
Tech:Over the curb and you gutter!
Tailight warranty-Once the tailights disappear so does the warranty.
beelsr
Well-known member
I finally found it. The ULTIMATE list
My brother in law is a Mechanical Engineer and used to work for Chrysler. One of the older guys in the office was kind of past his sell-by date and was kept around for historical info and such but by the 90's he was way out of date. He had a propensity for mangling all kinds of sayings and quotes. Needless to say, his co-workers made a list...
I've removed some that were "inside jokes"....
1. "Like pulling 10 lbs of sh*t through a 1 lb hole."
2. "I'm going to fight tooth & toenail."
3. "I'll do a dance with the devil."
4. "F*** me once-shame on me, **** me twice, fire me."
5. "Propelsion"
7. "It's coming to a slow simmer."
8. Resonancy
10. "Lights are on, but nobody lives there."
11. Baffeling Idiot.
12. "PCP pipe" (as opposed to PVC)
14. "Hollitzer" (Howitzer)
15. "VDA" (VDF)
16. "Typhoons" (Tycoons)
18. "Pilico Pete's" (Pinnacle Peak)
20. "Liberalist" (Liberal)
21. "Insultive" (insulting)
23. "28 Tires (4 skids of 12)"
24. "Immensively"
25. "Useless as **** on a bullhog"
26. "Jobbing System"
27. "This dry park is really fast"
28. "String Pods" (string pots)
30. "Profesionalized"
31. "Lasps & Locks" (Hasps & Locks)
32. "Ownership is nine tenths of the law, especially if I have possesion."
33. "The boss has brought down the coloring!"
34. "HOLE GAME" - Is that something Howard plays at home?
35. "Both my teams made it to the Super Bowl, Denver and the PACKARDS."
36. "Try Sammy V's in Wyandotte for great Italian food. They have excellent maTTicotti."
38. "Liberty penalty box." (Liberal)
39. "My knee was swollen like someone put an air gage to it."
40. "Smile and bear it."
41. "My Buddy shot a pole cat."
42. "Slippery as Carter's Liver Pills."
43. "Supposively"
44. "Filament of my imagination"
45. "My phone bill is going to be like the national f***ing phone bill. It's going to look like the government."
46. "I don't want to sound pettily."
47. "My friend had a torn ligament. I think it was his LCU. They put him in a demobilizer."
48. "My time schedules and Carron's just don't collide."
49. "If he doesn't eat soon, he'll famish."
50. "El Nemo" (El Nino)
51. "She was really scared, her face was luke white."
52. "You have a PICTURE LINE to work with." (Window)
53. Baseful (Baseline)
55. "Dis-enable" (Disable)
56. Regatta cheese (what Sammy V's fills Matticoti with)
59. "They march to a different call."
61. "Significate" (signify)
62. "Four valves per motor"
63. "Curtails" (entails)
64. "Sister of Production" (production sister vehicle)
65. "We shipped a whole ton of sh*t & shine"
66. "Its down to the D hour"
67. "Op-Tropical" (Optical?)
69. "Meeting haven is what you gotta do"
70. "I have to pilfage the supply room" (Pillage? Pilfer?)
71. " Bodycation" Body Modification
72. "swamp heater" (air conditioner)
73. "electronic throttle system" (throttle cable)
75. "Like a mouse running up an elephant's leg to **** him"
78. "I found an interesting class--DANGEROUS INTERESTING"
82. "Torquesion bars" (Torsion bars) (written)
83. "I know people that have had computers for 40 years, and their hard drives haven't crashed once"
84. "Rotary Cup" (rotator cuff)
85. "He doesn't add product to life."
86. "I can't even PHANTOM going to my 40th high school reunion."
87. "I'm only looking for ONE THING in a computer: memory, screen size, hard disk size, and software."
88. "Whips and ladders"
89. "We didn't let any sh*t grow under our feet."
90. "Viscon" (Visteon) Also Yesterism "Vistebon"
91. "High CG'd" (high centered)
94. "Parking Slot"
95. While describing going on vacation with his neighbors: "We followed each other dog team style."
96. While describing going on vacation with his neighbors: "I told them we wouldn't stop for gas until we need it."
97. "Dumb truck"--flatbed cab chassis
98. "We just got new boxes, and we're putting VARNISHING on them."
99. "Torque Classifications" (Torque specifications)
100. "Stallmation" Stalemate? Stagnation?
101. "My dad has one step in the grave and the other foot on a banana peel."
106. "Miracles never stop happening."
107. "All my dad left to my sister was 2 dolls, Raggity and Andy"
109. "Re-Designing the Wheel"
110. "It's been raining ALL AFTERNOON, from 10:00 until 2:00"
111. "If you're gonna pay, you have to play"
113. "Torsion and compression shackles" (Tension and compression)
114. Discussing a truck for testing "I've got the vehicle AND the truck"
115. "HAPPY THANKSGIVING AND SAFE ONE" (written)
120. Discussing cell phones: "I leave my son a voicemail, and it prints out on his cell phone."
121. Cell phones again: "He pays $50 per month and gets 2500 minutes of phone."
122. "Shooting at straws" Shot in the dark? Shooting from the hip? Grasping at straws?
123. "Weird Duck" (Weeble)
124. "Receptacle Ball Steering Gear" (Recirculating Ball Steering Gear)
127. "Don't let the door grab your ***."
128. "It was a good class, I learned a lot of things that will help us
severely."
129. "The lab looks like World War III went through it again."
130. "That semi passed the Toyota going so fast--he was hell bent for
election!"
131. "I'm going to the doctor to have my stomach checked out, and see if the virus has healed."
132. "I told the doctor he would have to put the scope down my throat, the other end things don't go out, they only come out."
135. "Markay Continental" Mercury Marquis? Continental Mark Eight?
136. Pointing to Mickey Mouse embroidered on his shirt pocket "That's Goofy!"
My brother in law is a Mechanical Engineer and used to work for Chrysler. One of the older guys in the office was kind of past his sell-by date and was kept around for historical info and such but by the 90's he was way out of date. He had a propensity for mangling all kinds of sayings and quotes. Needless to say, his co-workers made a list...
I've removed some that were "inside jokes"....
1. "Like pulling 10 lbs of sh*t through a 1 lb hole."
2. "I'm going to fight tooth & toenail."
3. "I'll do a dance with the devil."
4. "F*** me once-shame on me, **** me twice, fire me."
5. "Propelsion"
7. "It's coming to a slow simmer."
8. Resonancy
10. "Lights are on, but nobody lives there."
11. Baffeling Idiot.
12. "PCP pipe" (as opposed to PVC)
14. "Hollitzer" (Howitzer)
15. "VDA" (VDF)
16. "Typhoons" (Tycoons)
18. "Pilico Pete's" (Pinnacle Peak)
20. "Liberalist" (Liberal)
21. "Insultive" (insulting)
23. "28 Tires (4 skids of 12)"
24. "Immensively"
25. "Useless as **** on a bullhog"
26. "Jobbing System"
27. "This dry park is really fast"
28. "String Pods" (string pots)
30. "Profesionalized"
31. "Lasps & Locks" (Hasps & Locks)
32. "Ownership is nine tenths of the law, especially if I have possesion."
33. "The boss has brought down the coloring!"
34. "HOLE GAME" - Is that something Howard plays at home?
35. "Both my teams made it to the Super Bowl, Denver and the PACKARDS."
36. "Try Sammy V's in Wyandotte for great Italian food. They have excellent maTTicotti."
38. "Liberty penalty box." (Liberal)
39. "My knee was swollen like someone put an air gage to it."
40. "Smile and bear it."
41. "My Buddy shot a pole cat."
42. "Slippery as Carter's Liver Pills."
43. "Supposively"
44. "Filament of my imagination"
45. "My phone bill is going to be like the national f***ing phone bill. It's going to look like the government."
46. "I don't want to sound pettily."
47. "My friend had a torn ligament. I think it was his LCU. They put him in a demobilizer."
48. "My time schedules and Carron's just don't collide."
49. "If he doesn't eat soon, he'll famish."
50. "El Nemo" (El Nino)
51. "She was really scared, her face was luke white."
52. "You have a PICTURE LINE to work with." (Window)
53. Baseful (Baseline)
55. "Dis-enable" (Disable)
56. Regatta cheese (what Sammy V's fills Matticoti with)
59. "They march to a different call."
61. "Significate" (signify)
62. "Four valves per motor"
63. "Curtails" (entails)
64. "Sister of Production" (production sister vehicle)
65. "We shipped a whole ton of sh*t & shine"
66. "Its down to the D hour"
67. "Op-Tropical" (Optical?)
69. "Meeting haven is what you gotta do"
70. "I have to pilfage the supply room" (Pillage? Pilfer?)
71. " Bodycation" Body Modification
72. "swamp heater" (air conditioner)
73. "electronic throttle system" (throttle cable)
75. "Like a mouse running up an elephant's leg to **** him"
78. "I found an interesting class--DANGEROUS INTERESTING"
82. "Torquesion bars" (Torsion bars) (written)
83. "I know people that have had computers for 40 years, and their hard drives haven't crashed once"
84. "Rotary Cup" (rotator cuff)
85. "He doesn't add product to life."
86. "I can't even PHANTOM going to my 40th high school reunion."
87. "I'm only looking for ONE THING in a computer: memory, screen size, hard disk size, and software."
88. "Whips and ladders"
89. "We didn't let any sh*t grow under our feet."
90. "Viscon" (Visteon) Also Yesterism "Vistebon"
91. "High CG'd" (high centered)
94. "Parking Slot"
95. While describing going on vacation with his neighbors: "We followed each other dog team style."
96. While describing going on vacation with his neighbors: "I told them we wouldn't stop for gas until we need it."
97. "Dumb truck"--flatbed cab chassis
98. "We just got new boxes, and we're putting VARNISHING on them."
99. "Torque Classifications" (Torque specifications)
100. "Stallmation" Stalemate? Stagnation?
101. "My dad has one step in the grave and the other foot on a banana peel."
106. "Miracles never stop happening."
107. "All my dad left to my sister was 2 dolls, Raggity and Andy"
109. "Re-Designing the Wheel"
110. "It's been raining ALL AFTERNOON, from 10:00 until 2:00"
111. "If you're gonna pay, you have to play"
113. "Torsion and compression shackles" (Tension and compression)
114. Discussing a truck for testing "I've got the vehicle AND the truck"
115. "HAPPY THANKSGIVING AND SAFE ONE" (written)
120. Discussing cell phones: "I leave my son a voicemail, and it prints out on his cell phone."
121. Cell phones again: "He pays $50 per month and gets 2500 minutes of phone."
122. "Shooting at straws" Shot in the dark? Shooting from the hip? Grasping at straws?
123. "Weird Duck" (Weeble)
124. "Receptacle Ball Steering Gear" (Recirculating Ball Steering Gear)
127. "Don't let the door grab your ***."
128. "It was a good class, I learned a lot of things that will help us
severely."
129. "The lab looks like World War III went through it again."
130. "That semi passed the Toyota going so fast--he was hell bent for
election!"
131. "I'm going to the doctor to have my stomach checked out, and see if the virus has healed."
132. "I told the doctor he would have to put the scope down my throat, the other end things don't go out, they only come out."
135. "Markay Continental" Mercury Marquis? Continental Mark Eight?
136. Pointing to Mickey Mouse embroidered on his shirt pocket "That's Goofy!"
kf4zht
Well-known member
I forgot one we use
"Able to break a steel ball in a rubber room"
"Able to break a steel ball in a rubber room"
Delray
Well-known member
From my Dad by way of his boss: "Do something even if it's wrong" A coworkers favorite: "We were so poor when I was a kid my parents cut holes in my pockets so I would have something to play with"
bgott
Well-known member
" Able to break a steel ball bearing with a rubber mallet"
" If that boy's brains were gasoline he wouldn't have enough power there to back a pissant's car out of a pea shell"
Some thing for frustrated mechanics to mention when they are getting ridden over some POS, the 3 IDBIs. " I didn't build it, I didn't buy it, I didn't break it."
" If that boy's brains were gasoline he wouldn't have enough power there to back a pissant's car out of a pea shell"
Some thing for frustrated mechanics to mention when they are getting ridden over some POS, the 3 IDBIs. " I didn't build it, I didn't buy it, I didn't break it."
Garage_Mahal
Well-known member
- Joined
- May 31, 2008
- Messages
- 551
I'm gonna have to remember that one!
mattwgrizwald
Well-known member
any job big or small do it right or not at all
06wt
Well-known member
If it wont go force it, if it breaks it need to be fixed anyway
ZRX61
Well-known member
Steve from Socal
Well-known member
A couple from the early days of Top Fuel. A tuners twist- setting the mag. Tipping the can- upping the % of nitro
A sign over the urinal in Elk City Ok. FBO; Pilots with short stacks and low manifold pressure, make short approaches.
Steve
A sign over the urinal in Elk City Ok. FBO; Pilots with short stacks and low manifold pressure, make short approaches.
Steve