Why is it so hard to tell someone you've changed your mind?

[cnyeco1]

I listed a few ratchets for sale in the classifieds a few weeks ago and had a guy on here tell me he wanted two of them. Now this is after going back and forth on shipping quotes, pricing, etc. Nine PM's back and forth. After about a week that he says he's sending the money, nothing shows. So I PM him politely to ask him if he has changed his mind. He sends an PM back and says he's been busy with work and will send the money on Monday. That was two weeks ago. I send him one more PM after that to see whats up, because I don't want to sell them out from under him, and still nothing. I know he saw the PM because he logs in here every day. I'm sure this is nothing new to most of you guys. But what happened to common courtesy? I've done a few deals on here and most all of the guys here are stand up guys. But I find this is happening more than often everywhere.

It doesn't bother me when someone backs out. But why keep leading a seller on? This guy lives up in Canada somewhere and I live in Oklahoma. What am I going to do, fly up there and beat the **** out of him for changing his mind? Some people are so immature.

What an insult and waste of both our time.

 

[isaac338]

Maybe he still wants them but doesn't have the money. I'm a poverty stricken student and I have this happen to me every now and again - I'll have a spare twenty bones to spend on tools and I'll make an arrangement and then I'll get busy and won't have time to go pick it up or whatever, and by the time I've got free time the money's long spent.

 

[sungrove]

I just think it's become the Craigslist mentality. Net related things are easy to get going and just as easy to ignore and back out of rather than do the right thing and call to say you changed your mind. I think it goes both ways too. I think sometimes sellers get lots of calls or emails on an item and realize their price is too low. Not really cool to back out at that point, but who's makin' the rules anyway? You have just learned something about the market based on the response you get. Anyway, it appears you did the right thing and your buyer didn't. But who knows, maybe an even better thing will come along.

Neil

 

[caper]

I have been buying out of the classifieds here for several years and can't say I've had any troubles.I'm not much of a seller though so I don't get the other side of the equation.I would imagine there are some flaky buyers out there.If the guy was in Canada shipping costs may have put the deal out of the realm of what he considered a good deal.I know sometimes I find out after commiting to buy that the shipping cost really screws the cost verses value equation but once i commit to buy I always follow through even if the shipping turns a deal into a loosing proposition.He still should have pm'd you saying he's not interested-common courtesy.

 

[Toolhorder]

I just recently had a similar situation as a buyer not a seller. I see a flare nut set of wrenches that were SO and a ratchet I believe for $50. I email this guy and he emails me back asking if I want to come look at them. I tell him sure in the morning as it's 10pm. He says he has an offer from a guy for $60 in the morning but he needs the cash bad and is willing to meet me and sell them now for $60. I agree and we set a place and time (12PM, local 24 hour store). I leave the house for this store that is 30 mins. away and before I go I call and get no answer. I leave a message that I'm on the way and continue on. Get a call a couple mins. later from the guy and he wants to call it off saying a friend broke down somewhere and he can't meet me. I figure it's BS but don't say anything. The guy says don't worry man tools are yours in the AM and guess what in the AM he's a ghost. I see his CL ad was online in the early AM and gone just as fast a couple hours later. I emailed him and told him be a man and just tell a guy you want to sell to another person or whatever the real story is next time. He really wasted my time. Never got a reply. One bad thing about CL. Flakes...

 

[Daniel Dudley]

I got burned fopr 250.00 worth of car parts once, after sending the check. I have also had my share of people who are not serious, but this is pretty rare IMO. After a while you get a better idea about who is wasting your time, and you walk away.

If you do a lot of deals on the internet though, at some point you will get burned. I have never not paid anyone, but I have walked away from deals because they didn't feel right. The guy who stiffed me the 250 was a formerly stand up guy on a big forum with lots of posts. He burned a few people and disappeared.

Oh well. I pay by Pay Pal or Postal money order now, and send things by certified mail, so I have a record, and can prove that the money got there. I ask people who buy from me to do the same. I sold some expensive wheels to a guy, who never sent the check, but swore he did. I just told him the sale was canceled after two weeks and two days.

Maybe he thought I would send them anyway. I even bought an expensive car from a dealer in Colorado once, and the deal went through, but the car was a total rip off. I had to return the car, and report him to the Atorney General's office. I got my money back, but I lost the shippiong costs two ways, plus sales tax.

I am way more careful now, and I would never buy a car without going to see it. That guy is a big car dealer from Colorado, who sells a lot of Porsches. I don't go out of my way to mention his name or bad mouth him, but I am on the boards, and I make sure that I tell anyone who asks to be careful.

If someone on a forum actually cheats you, it is usually considered correct to post a complaint, so that others don't get cheated. I can always prove I paid, and I ship UPS with tracking, so I can always prove I sent a Package of a certain size and weight. If it is an expensive package, I also insure it. I make the people who sell to me do the same. It's called keeping the honest people honest.

 

[southpier]

.... am I going to do, fly up there and beat the **** out of him for changing his mind? Some people are so immature...

i find irony here

 

[jonlb]

I agree people have less morals on the internet. Day before yesterday I purchased a Gibson guitar for $540 fair and square. The next day I got an email saying that my money was returned and he was holding out for $640. This was bought fairly on eBay which supposedly a binding contract. Needless to say I'm ticked.

 

[jmack]

Buyers are liars and sellers are yellers.

Because the internet "depersonalizes" the transaction, it's easy for people to change their mind and not feel like they have any obligation to complete the transaction or to at least admit they don't intend to complete it - far easier on their conscience to just ignore the issue and hope it goes away. This is something they can't do if dealing face-to-face or in a marketplace with "rules".

That's why structured markets like eBay are much better than Craiglist, though even they aren't perfect as some posters have pointed out.

Personally I wouldn't be as accomodating in simply asking them to complete the transaction. I would send them an e-mail saying they have 24 hours to contact you and 48 hours to complete the transaction or you are going to sell it to someone else.

 

[sungrove]

I would send them an e-mail saying they have 24 hours to contact you and 48 hours to complete the transaction or you are going to sell it to someone else.

Something like this seems pretty good. At least set up some sort of structure I guess. I think we maybe also just need to realize that sometimes, it's not good if it happens, but you might put something up for sale and then realize you have a lot more sentimental interest in it than you thought. I know, it's still good to contact someone and say it's no longer available because you simply changed your mind. There is a bit of a gray area sometimes though where you didn't set up an actual meeting and just don't want to put the time into dealing with it. Not great, but I bet most of us have done something like this at some point.

Neil

 

[cnyeco1]

I wanted to clarify that we had a done deal. He said he was sending the money out the next day.

The problem is, is that I have wasted my time trying to be patient with this guy for NO reason. Sent PM's back and forth trying to do this deal and he is too immature to have the balls to tell me he just can't afford it, or something came up.

So that is my question. What's the problem with saying you don't want them. Why be a coward and just let the buyer figure it out in his own time.

I sell parts on the HAMB as well and one of the problems is that there is no way of knowing who you are selling too. Some of these guys, like on the HAMB may only be 13 years old using there daddy's computer when he's not looking. I know it pisses guys off on the HAMB too when you find out some of these people on these boards are not who they say they are.

 

[sungrove]

I wanted to clarify that we had a done deal. He said he was sending the money out the next day.

The problem is, is that I have wasted my time .

I understand and totally sympathize. At least you didn't break a car windshield like I did today that I was going to be able to help someone with who needed one.

Neil

 

[Dmar836]

When buying online, I use Paypal. This way you can freeze money if you are scammed. I have seen this bite back though. It isn't perfect but better than a check or MO.
When selling (not on Ebay), the first one with the money gets the goods. I would like to be a good ole' boy but I have posted on Craigslist and will get several, "I'll take it!" e-mails then never hear from them again. I learned by turning others away saying it was sold only to be left with the item.
Jonlb,
Sound like you should contact Ebay via "fraud alert"
JMO,
Dave
KC

 

[BSMM]

Hi Cam,

You are absolutely right and it my fault. My apologies for the mis-communication. I thought I responded back to your PM but aparently I didn't. I assumed since I didn't receive a PM my money order arrived and that you sent it. My fault again for not following up.

I sent you a PM. I hope we can clear this up.

Thanks,

Peter