Wish I'd had more time with Dad !

[carhunter]

Most of what I know in all kinds of manual work, construction, mechanics, etc and my interest for everything mechanical I owe it to him. I remember that I found it weird when I was 6-7 years old that my friends had no idea what a piston or a crankshaft were! I also inherited the thinking of doing everything myself instead of paying someone to do it and to try and repair things instead of throwing them away.

Similar story here...but I'd consider it more of a curse than a gift LOL.

 

[Notwerk]

I remember being paid to straighten nails as a kid.

My dad was really upset with my grandmother (his mother) one year for buying him a top of the line DeWalt circular saw. He said she spent too much. My sister in law bought him a coffee maker for christmas last year and he was mad because he said "I already have 2 coffee makers and I think I can get one good one out of them."

I have certainly inherited some of his frugal tendencies; I once told my brother, who was helping me paint, that he was putting too much paint on the well.

My dad has rental property and is not doing as well at 75 as he was at 65. My brothers and I have tried hard to convince him to start winding down his business, but he just bought 6 more houses. I've come to realize that you can't stop him from trying to make money or save money. He has more money than he will ever spend. Hell, I think he could live his current lifestyle (excluding buying more houses) on Social Security.

My dad is 72, and is doing the exact same thing. They're still out, hunting houses to fix up and rent. Been doing that for years, and my grand parents before them. I keep telling them to go out, buy a new car, take a trip, stop working. It's no use.I've just come to accept that it keeps him and my mother going. They get excited about it.

I guess it's like us with buying tools: We get excited about tracking down some obscure wrench, even though we know a tool is a means to do work. So, the tool begets work, but still we want it. Same sickness, but a different object of affection

 

[recycler]

Lost my parents in 2005 in a car accident. They were in their late 50's. I could write a book about the cool stuff my Dad built. He was not good with money but we always had what we needed and always had fun.
What I remember most about Dad was his hands. They were crooked, mangled and scarred from years of hard work and abuse. They told his story. As rough as they were he was still working mechanical magic with them until the day he left this world.
I am fortunate to have many of his tools and equipment in my shop and use them daily. In that way and with all I learned from him he's always with me when I'm in the shop doing what I love the most.

Thanks for starting this thread.

 

[wawa1]

i would do just about anything for one more conversation with my dad. he past away three years ago next month. my 2 brothers and i split up his millwright tools and other assorted stuff. he was a very giving person and i miss him every day. still have two boxes of stuff in the shop i look at occasionally.

 

[tskills10]

Sitting here reading this thread, has reminded me that I need to spend more time with my Dad. Out of 3 boys, me being the oldest, I am the only hands on kind of guy. The other 2 would be lucky to know how to use a screwdriver and not hit their knee with the hammer. Dad isn't a gearhead like me, he is an engineer that had to learn how to do home maintenance/repairs do to a lack of funds. I have asked for his help on several of my projects even if it is just for a suggestion on how to get started. I've realized that I am always showing him what projects I've done looking for his approval. I know that even when I didn't need his help, I've called and asked for his help to have some time together.

Due to some issues with my oldest brother a year ago, there has been a lot of lost family time over the past year. I keep trying to remind myself that time is short and I need to make amends before there is no more time. Reading some of these posts really drives this fact home.

 

[fred d]

Just read this whole thread and WOW did it bring back a lot of memories

My dad drew up during the depression.Lied about his age and Went in the Marines at age 17. Was a POW for 3-1/2 years. When we were kids and would come home from playing we would say "I'm starving" He would always tell us"Boy you don't know what hungry is" I say the same thing to my kids

When my dad passed away in 1989 there was no will, just an understanding. He had 2 pocket watches from his grand father and they went to the first 2 grandsons to carry on the family name. My younger brother got the boat, and I got all of the tools. I still use those tools to this day.

My dad was not very educated, he only completed the 6th grade. But as someone else said in this post. He was the smatest man I have ever known.
When there wasn't a way, he would figure one out. Now when my wife askes me "How in the world did you do_______ with no one here. I always tell her "Bernie helped me"
Greatest man I have ever known. Has taught me more than some people will ever know about common sence, and using your head.

The thing I think I have the biggest problem with is that neither of my parents are here to ask questions when I see my kids doing something"Was I like that"
My dad never got to meet my dad in person, but they see him daily in me.

I like most of you could tell stories for hours on end with lots of laughter, and ending with a tear for time lost

Thank you for starting this thread and thanks to everyone for sharing

 

[e-tek]

I'm sure the more they had in the bank, the better they felt. Money is it's own reward, makes one feel secure and accomplished in having saved it. I've found that the more I have, the more I save. With 6 suites in 3 houses we already do well, but I can see getting to 10 houses now. Of course I don't really want for much either.

 

[Buck_nekid]

My story is well ummm, my father suffered a stroke about 6 months ago. I went and visited him in the hospital, that being the first time we had spoken in about 15 years. He was very coherent with only his speech being affected. Everyone was telling me that he wanted to see me. Although at the hospital he acted as if I wasn't in the room. When he got released from the hospital I once again tried to reach out, I stopped at his house and when he yelled out, "who is it?" I replied that it's me your son. Then I stood there on his porch for about 15 minutes and he never did answer the door. I know he was mobile because I could hear him walking around. That one action hurt me more than all of his previous actions did, either it from what he did or didn't do. I know everyone will say to try again because once he is gone there will never be another chance. I know that also but I am not sure if that's even close to what he wants. I shouldn't of cared so much, not like it's the first time he had let me down. I actually wrestle with this every time I drive past his house...

 

[tskills10]

At times this is a tough thread to read. It tends to bring many thoughts about my situation with my Dad, good and bad. I am glad that this thread was started. Maybe in a way this is like some sort of therapy.

 

[mothgrey]

Lots of good stories in this thread. I lost my dad 3 weeks ago. My wife and I had recently bought mom and dad a small ranch about 15 miles from us and 500 miles from where they had lived in Buffalo NY. 2 of our kids live down here also and they were actually thrilled to have them move closer to us and them. My daughter for the first time was able to just drive over to their house with the 2 great grand kid and was going over every week to see them. She told my mom and dad it was her time to have them. They don't have a lot so it was one of the best days of my life bringing them done here. At 83 dad even rode the 10 hours in the uhaul with me. He made it very clear to everyone he was riding with me. Dad wasn't a tool guy but man he could do anything with duct tape. When we were cleaning out the old house you don't even know what duct tape is capable of till you saw it in the hands of my dad. Yes he was from a very frugal generation going thru the depression and not having much. They still had the original dresser they had from getting married 57 years ago. About 10 year ago mom told him she would like a darker wood set not the light maple any more. So instead of going out and buying a new set he took walnut contact stick paper and redid the set. LOL I have to admit he did a dam good job on it also. Best contact paper finish dresser I had ever seen!
SO don't get me wrong dad was a very intelligent man in his sixties he and a were talking that he was thinking of going back and getting his doctorate he felt it would serve no purpose but for himself and didn't think he should do it. I told him he loved learning all his life and who cares if it's only for him he should do it. So in his sixties he finished his doctorate in theology. When he was done he show me his degree and put it away. No bragging other than to tell me I could call him doctor now jokingly. Never heard about it again.
I find myself smiling and tearing up as I write this really for the first time since he passed. SO thanks for the therapy. Miss him. Do the things you can while you can you may only have today to do it.

 

[e-tek]

My story is well ummm, my father suffered a stroke about 6 months ago. I went and visited him in the hospital, that being the first time we had spoken in about 15 years. He was very coherent with only his speech being affected. Everyone was telling me that he wanted to see me. Although at the hospital he acted as if I wasn't in the room. When he got released from the hospital I once again tried to reach out, I stopped at his house and when he yelled out, "who is it?" I replied that it's me your son. Then I stood there on his porch for about 15 minutes and he never did answer the door. I know he was mobile because I could hear him walking around. That one action hurt me more than all of his previous actions did, either it from what he did or didn't do. I know everyone will say to try again because once he is gone there will never be another chance. I know that also but I am not sure if that's even close to what he wants. I shouldn't of cared so much, not like it's the first time he had let me down. I actually wrestle with this every time I drive past his house...

Ouch. That was hard to read. I feel terrible for you and for all of us that had Fathers who were - or are - ASSHOLES. Why is that??

My Father was an abusive alcoholic. Saw him do and say many unspeakable things, like spit in my Mom's face when I was 13. In the end I watched him die of alcohol poisoning. Very tough, confusing things for kids to go through.

 

[zip95864]

Today I was in the shop and I grabbed a drill........the chuck was frozen and no key.WTF , where did this pos come from .Then I smilled and nearly started to cry .My dad passed 12 years ago at 68 .I received all his tools and moved mom near me. Nothing he had was worth having. He even had a large bucket of bent nails. This is a man that was far too frugal .He never made much on the job but was great at flipping real real estate.If I had known ,I would have gone to sears and spent a grand and tooled him up . He just needed a basic set. He left $700,000 ,he could have spent just a little more and lived so much better.

Don,t scrimp on the things that matter. You will probably all die with money.

PS . Love and miss you POP .

Thanks for posting this.

 

[caspian65]

Thanks to everyone that has shared experiences and memories in this thread. It inspires me to be a better father to my little boys (10 and 9 yr olds). My parents divorced when I was about 3 years old and my mother re-married a few years later. My step-father wasn't much of a role-model, he doesn't keep in touch these days, except to ask for money. I have a talking relationship with my real Dad, but not much history there and don't know a whole lot about him. Guess it is hard for me to know how to be a good Dad when I didn't have one growing up. Hope that I can be someone my kids look up to like so many of you guys did to your Dads.

 

[zip95864]

From Season 2 Episode 2 of Modern Family:

Jay: Okay, the key to being a good dad… Well, sometimes things work out just the way you want them. Sometimes they don’t. You gotta hang in there…. …because when all is said and done……ninety percent of being a dad… is just showing up.

 

[BWS]

Very lucky here!I got the VERY best of my dad.

He's long gone but there isn't one friggin bit of regret......

If you'd put the two of us in the same rm,even today...We'd pick up right where we left off before he passed.Building was in both of our bloodstreams.We were both hard of hearing so the ENDLESS conversation's would always seem,to the unwashed...as some sort of shouting match,haha.Yeah,I miss him....but wouldn't change a thing.

 

[lerwin001]

My mom passed a few years ago and I miss her terribly. My dad is 84 and fishes 6 mos of the year in Florence Oregon. After my mom passed he bought a new fishing boat, my surviving sister complained he didnt need it cause he might die in the ocean fishing, I told her to **** out cuz I didnt want him to die in a nursing home. He has a crony that comes every year who is 96 and still fishes. God I hope those are my genetics. I try to fish with them every year.

 

[tskills10]

Thanks to everyone that has shared experiences and memories in this thread. It inspires me to be a better father to my little boys (10 and 9 yr olds). My parents divorced when I was about 3 years old and my mother re-married a few years later. My step-father wasn't much of a role-model, he doesn't keep in touch these days, except to ask for money. I have a talking relationship with my real Dad, but not much history there and don't know a whole lot about him. Guess it is hard for me to know how to be a good Dad when I didn't have one growing up. Hope that I can be someone my kids look up to like so many of you guys did to your Dads.

My parents also divorced when I was three, but Dad was still around. My stepfather came into the picture when I was nine. Something to keep in mind is that you may think he wasn't a good role model, but he had lessons for you to learn. My stepfather and I didn't have the best relationship, but I did learn from him. Sometimes we learn how to act and sometimes the lesson is how NOT to act. Mostly I learned from him, how I did not want to be towards my kids. My father and I have some great memories over the years.
I have raised two girls into adulthood and am raising two teenage boys now and we have a 3 year old daughter also. Like what was said, a large part is being there for your kids. I try to make every game and any event that I can. I try to include my kids in any events that I am a part of, whenever I can, or they want to. Good luck.

 

[zmotorsports]

Wow! Sounds like some great fathers have inspired many of us. I lost my dad ten years ago last month and I would give almost anything to have one more day with him.

I didn't have any regrets when he passed as it was a long, slow descent towards death and we were able to speak a lot. I have six other siblings, I am the youngest and I was able to spend more time with him later in his life than my other siblings. I also think I had a somewhat closer relationship than most of my siblings being as I am much younger than them. My father sacrificed many things for his children and ALWAYS put us first. He was very frugal and went without so his kids didn't. Sadly I think I am the only one that feels that way. Several of my siblings were so upset over the fact that he didn't have any life insurance or leave them anything when he passed. He had a couple of properties but not much was liquid.

I feel like he left me more than money could ever buy. He was my hero and I learned more from him about integrity and honesty than most people could ever understand. I don't think there was anything he couldn't fix. Him and I used to disagree as to some of the time I spent repairing things to make them perfect vs. just getting them fixed well enough to put back out in the field working but that was a minor hickup in our relationship. My wife used to joke about where I got my organizational traits from because my dad's workshop just had tools thrown in and in no order whatsoever. I am the exact opposite in that matter.

I would love to have just one more day with him and tell him how much I appreciated the lessons that he taught me even though he probably didn't even realize he was teaching at the time.

I would also give anything for him to see how wonderful his grandson has turned out to be. I think he would be proud. I hope he is proud of me as well.

I read something one time that had a profound impact on me. It was on a plaque that on one half read,
"Son's Prayer: Lord please let me be the kind of man that my father is"

On the other half it read,
"Father's Prayer: Lord please let me be the kind of man my son thinks I am."

I try to live that everyday although I am sure I fall short most.

Great thread.

Mike.

 

[philwire]

My parents divorced when i was 10. I have good memories of my dad being a real dad, but after the divorce he became a regular joe that picked me up every second weekend. I wish he would spend more time with us, but he prefers to scam people in a town 300 miles from where I live.

I know I should'nt speak like that about my own father, but to me the hero my dad once was has become damn near a zero. He could have made a few simpler and honest choices but he chose his own way.

Now I live everyday trying to be a cool dad to my two boys.

 

[KermitFrog]

I luckily still have my dad. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 1992 and I finally started having time to spend with him the last few years since he's been getting old, luckily he survived his cancer. Thankfully I had a very understanding kind wife who encouraged me to spend as much time as I could with him. 7 weeks ago my wife was diagnosed with Luekimia, she passed two weeks ago at 44 years old, we were married 21 years. Divvy your time up with everyone, you never know what life will throw at you. I wish I would have spent more time with my wife too.

 

[zmotorsports]

I luckily still have my dad. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 1992 and I finally started having time to spend with him the last few years since he's been getting old, luckily he survived his cancer. Thankfully I had a very understanding kind wife who encouraged me to spend as much time as I could with him. 7 weeks ago my wife was diagnosed with Luekimia, she passed two weeks ago at 44 years old, we were married 21 years. Divvy your time up with everyone, you never know what life will throw at you. I wish I would have spent more time with my wife too.

I am so sorry to hear about that. I would be lost without my wife.

Mike.

 

[BWS]

I hear ya Kermit...shop prayer sent.

My kids all grew up with the understanding that between,M/C's and ******** construction that I "might" not come home tonight.Just sayin...live and love your family/friends like theres no tomorrow.Tell them you love them,everyday.

Best of luck to you,BW

 

[KermitFrog]

Thanks guys. She was understanding on how I always liked to spend every weekend with my dad. The plan was for my dad to pass at a ripe old age (which honestly isnt too far out ) and then my wife and I could spend my early retirement years together constantly.

I am lost without her. I'm one of the guys who would come here as openly say on one of those I love my wife threads about how much we got along and loved each other then get yelled at for this being a garage forum and go someplace else.

Anyhow, I'm glad I spent so much time with my dad over the past couple years as he is tired a lot now. I wish I could have split up time more with the wife too. Use your time wisely.

 

[tskills10]

Thanks guys. She was understanding on how I always liked to spend every weekend with my dad. The plan was for my dad to pass at a ripe old age (which honestly isnt too far out ) and then my wife and I could spend my early retirement years together constantly.

I am lost without her. I'm one of the guys who would come here as openly say on one of those I love my wife threads about how much we got along and loved each other then get yelled at for this being a garage forum and go someplace else.

Anyhow, I'm glad I spent so much time with my dad over the past couple years as he is tired a lot now. I wish I could have split up time more with the wife too. Use your time wisely.

Sorry to hear about your wife. I can understand your feeling of being lost. I know my wife is my best friend and I would be lost with out her. I too would be on the thread about how great my wife is.

 

[ket-tek]

Lost my mother to a terminal disease in 2006 after a 12 year downhill struggle, then a short 2 years later my still active and healthy father suddenly had a stroke and passed away while he was at my house helping me do some lawn work.

I remember him and my grandfather straightening nails as well.

 

[dsprint2000]

Tough thread to read and post to.....

Lost my Dad just after Xmas 2009. Like many, he never met a free item he didn't like and was a jack of all trades, master of none. I spent over a month going thru the garage and then the shop. Took over 3 truck loads to the metal scrap yard. A fiend of mine emptied every coffee can into a 5-gal bucket - it is full now of bolts, nuts, screws, washers..... set for life. LOL.... the hot rod resides in my garage now - so many memories of growing up and working on it with him. Have been several times where 'divine' inspiration helped out. Alzheimers took him slowly for years prior to his passing - sure was painful. Though my favorite last memory is him coming down to the shop as I was banging arounf while fixing a kitchen chair. Was having a problem in figuring out a prior repair he had done. He walked over and made a few suggestions and in his weakened state just kind of moved in and took over and got it going in the right direction. In that moment, my Dad was 'there'. Still chokes me up....

David

 

[ket-tek]

7 weeks ago my wife was diagnosed with Luekimia, she passed two weeks ago at 44 years old, we were married 21 years.

Wow that's terrible, so young and so fast..

 

[kyles974]

he took sacrifices, so that his younger generation would have some money?

 

[Kevin54]

Thanks guys. She was understanding on how I always liked to spend every weekend with my dad. The plan was for my dad to pass at a ripe old age (which honestly isnt too far out ) and then my wife and I could spend my early retirement years together constantly.

I am lost without her. I'm one of the guys who would come here as openly say on one of those I love my wife threads about how much we got along and loved each other then get yelled at for this being a garage forum and go someplace else.

Anyhow, I'm glad I spent so much time with my dad over the past couple years as he is tired a lot now. I wish I could have split up time more with the wife too. Use your time wisely.

Kermit.....I am very, very, sorry to hear about your wife passing. You have my deepest sympathy. My wife is 10 years older than I am and was diagnosed with Breast Cancer last year. Along with that my dad passed in April and my mom passed in October of last year. When we found out my wife had cancer it just about took me over the edge. Luckily all is well today, but I know what you mean when you say you are lost without her. I laid awake many a night crying because i thought I was going to lose my wife also.

They say that time heals all wounds, but I don't think that it does. The wounds are always there but just a little bit less painful because you become numb to it.

If you ever, ever, need anyone to just talk to, there are many members on here that would drop everything to sit and chat. I'm around every day just being bored. If you ever feel the need to unload some of the weight on your shoulders, hit me up in a PM and I'll give you my number or I'll call ya on my dime. Hang in there.

 

[KermitFrog]

Thanks again guys.

Thanks for starting this thread Skyking - I forgot to mention, over in my dad's shop we have tons of nuts and bolts, screws, and small items used and new, bent and straight. Tomorrow I'm going to ask my dad if he's ready for us to do a refurb/update (not restoration) on our '63 Corvette. It would be a good Florida winter project.

 

[Dataguy]

My dad is 69, and still busy as hell. Since he's retired he's been doing all sorts of odd jobs in the construction/home repair line. Lately he's been working on a hops field, helping provide the flavoring agent for everyone's favorite barley-based beverage.

In fact, I was lucky enough to spend a couple of hours this afternoon with him and his wife, having a couple of beers and talking.

He taught me a lot about working with tools. He was always willing to try something new. First big job I remember him doing as a kid was building a garage for our house. He'd never built anything before, but told me "I got bids. I calculated that I could build a garage, screw it up, burn it down and build it again...and it would *still* be cheaper!" I remember him working on it after work in the evenings with a flashlight taped to the handle of a shovel while he was digging for the block wall foundation around the perimeter.

He also taught me other stuff. We used to spend the weekend at my mom's parent's house, and we'd attend a small Catholic church nearby. The priest served 3 parishes, and traveled between them on a little 350 Honda with a completely fried exhaust. My dad noticed and asked the priest about it, who said he'd had a couple of warnings from cops about the noise. That week, my dad took me with him when he went to get a new exhaust system for the bike, which he presented to the priest after Mass the next Sunday.

We didn't always see eye-to-eye, but God knows I'm a lot like him. I'm glad I get the chance to hang out with him, and my condolences to all of you who've lost your dads.

 

[KermitFrog]

I got a call from my mom this evening. She asked me to drive over to their house and check on my dad. He was having sweats and didn't want to get out of bed (middle of the afternoon/evening). Luckily my daughter stopped by at the same time too, she's a nurse so she got to add her two cents and check up on him.

My mom is hard headed and is saying he's being a baby and needs to **** it up. He's 75 years old, his body isn't what it used to be just two years ago. I had a few words for her when she said he needed to stop being a baby and she changed her tune. Hopefully he'll be doing better tomorrow, I'll be checking on him in the morning. If we have to go the emergency room, we'll go.

 

[Jack90210]

This is one hell of a good thread. Thanks to those of you who have contributed. Really makes you think about who we are and where we get our personality traits -- and why we value the things that we do.

I still have my Dad (he's only 20 years older than I am) and we get along pretty well. I was 39 when my son was born and I worry a bit about being around/mobile when he's older and it really helps me stay motivated about taking care of myself. I look forward to teaching him everything I can as the years go by; for now it's rewarding having him do as much as he can with me.

To those of you who have lost people that you loved, you have my sympathy.

 

[dodgepolara500]

It has been hard for me to respond to this thread as my dad just passed away on Aug 27th. He was 95 years old and one of the most honest, ethical, decent men I have ever known. He worked hard his whole life and while he wasn't rich, he didn't want for anything. My brothers and I learned much from him about what it means to be a man and raise a family. He never went past the 8th grade but was smarter than many so called educated men. He fought in WWII in the former Yugoslavia against the Nazis, Fascists and the communists. He was wounded an nearly killed by a communist in a battle and eventually emigrated to the United States. He loved this country but never forgot who he was and where he came from. When I went back to visit his family, they said if it wasn't for my dad, they would have starved or had not clothes to wear. He always thought of others before himself.
He was respected by many people and we had tried to send him off as he deserved. We had many people at his funeral who spoke highly of him and made me glad to have know him for so many years.

 

[KermitFrog]

DP500 - so sorry, he sounded like he was a great man. When my grandfather passed he said he had a great life with no regrets. The way you describe your dad he sounds much the same way.

 

[TRC51]

Sorry for your loss DP500 and all the others. Luckily my dad is still around setting a hard working example for me as he always does. I learned in my early 30's that I simply will never be able to learn enough from him. Pictures are worth a thousand words:

 

[Rich H.]

I lost my Dad August 7th. Yep, I know what you guys are talking about!

 

[scruffy]

You can never have enough time. The odd thing about this post is tonight Sept 17, is the 11th anniversary of my father passing away.

 

[krivasgarage]

Lost my dad at age 89 August 15. He went at home, in his sleep, after learning the end was coming. Lucid until the last. I look just like him - literally, my friends think some of his pictures are of me. It was weird being at the funeral, and having the people who knew him when he was my age look at me like I was his ghost.

He met my mom whose family were immigrants to his country, came here with her for his education, stayed and lived a life of service (physician) for many years. God only knows how many people's lives he touched.

We weren't as close as many others, but he taught me to be a good dad to my sons, and now that they are young men, and I can see what good men they are, I am proud to pass on that legacy.

 

[darkhorrus]

My dad was never in my life but I do miss my grandpa- it feels like it was only yesterday he was teaching me how to play chess and dribble a basket ball. I really wish I would have been able to spend more time with him... I never really got to do any projects with him(him and my grandma traveled around the country visiting family throughout their retirement- when I was about 16 they only came by once a year for a few weeks and I was always too young to really help out before that). He passed away in 2009 of a heart attack while raking leaves in the front yard- everyone suspects was the result of some meds he was on(he ran marathons up until 2002). I can't believe it's already been 3 years. After he passed, I received a good portion of his hand tools(all craftsman) which I continue to use today... I hope that one day I can be half the man he had been- the man was truely amazing- WWII vet, bought a house and did all the repairs himself- he loved woodworking and dug himself an extension in the basement to use as a workshop.