Wives and tools - anyone else honest?

[BirdMobile]

Hi all,
I've read a LOT of forum posts here about lying to the S.O. about tool purchases, tool costs, and quantity of tools. Things like "I hope my wife doesn't sell my tools after I'm gone for what I told her I paid for them!" and "she doesn't know, add some more things in a drawer and all she sees is a big painted box". "I don't know what her shoes cost, and she doesn't know what my tools are worth".

I take the exact opposite approach - I tell her EXACTLY how much I'm spending on tools, I show her different things in my shop and what they cost, as well as what I actually pay for them (due to being used, discounted, etc.).

I want her to know the magnitude of the value of my shop and its contents, so if by some chance I'm dead or decommissioned, she can get the full value out of it should she choose to sell.

Anyone else here think the same way, or do I need to turn in my "man card" and buy my next box in pink?

 

[MrJason]

It's much better to be straight up and say, "I'm spending this on..." than to deceive and hope they don't find out about it.

When the marriage is working well, there is mutual respect between both parties and the communication is bold and tactful.

I've always been straight forward, as I'm not asking for permission. I'm simply stating a fact.

Being the breadwinner, definitely has it's benefits, but it's done with respect, not autonomy.

-Jason

 

[Fordman7795]

My wife knows if I need a tool, i buy it. Im not hiding anything from her. With that said, I have enlisted a friend to take care of my tools if I were to die.

 

[Givl Reggin]

She doesn't know, doesn't care what I spend on tools... likewise I don't care or want to know what she spends on purses and shoes!

 

[C96]

I don’t like hiding things from my wife. Never actually felt the need to do so, especially when it comes to buying tools. Buying tools usually means repairing and or building something yourself which translates into saving money. My wife knows this as I do all the home repair / remodeling, auto repairs and virtually anything else that should come along needing work done.

Its best to be honest and open in a relationship and you won’t have to hide when using those new tools you just sneaked into the garage!

 

[Heavy Metal Doctor]

We started off too young / too broke NOT to discuss money in great detail. We both always knew exactly what the other spent on everything down to a few bucks on lunch. She learned to except my tool buying as a need for my work and I kept it within a certain budget so as to not be stupid about our overall financial picture. It's worked out fine for 25 years.
Of course, now that we do have money, we usually don't discuss anything under a couple hundred bucks.

 

[stikman56]

Hi all,
I've read a LOT of forum posts here about lying to the S.O. about tool purchases, tool costs, and quantity of tools. Things like "I hope my wife doesn't sell my tools after I'm gone for what I told her I paid for them!" and "she doesn't know, add some more things in a drawer and all she sees is a big painted box". "I don't know what her shoes cost, and she doesn't know what my tools are worth".

I take the exact opposite approach - I tell her EXACTLY how much I'm spending on tools, I show her different things in my shop and what they cost, as well as what I actually pay for them (due to being used, discounted, etc.).

I want her to know the magnitude of the value of my shop and its contents, so if by some chance I'm dead or decommissioned, she can get the full value out of it should she choose to sell.

Anyone else here think the same way, or do I need to turn in my "man card" and buy my next box in pink?

Honesty works here. She asked my yesterday if Big Als' charged my Brother and I full bore Saturday for the pool we played, ( used to be they didn't, because we play for 8 hours and eat and drink as well) I said yep, she said "how much was everything", I said 95 bucks. She was horrified, but she'll be ok. Gotta find a cheaper place anyway.

 

[Outlawmws]

It's NEVER been a topic where she EVER hinted "you can't" or "you shouldn't"...

First date (Not counting the "lets get acquainted" lunch date): Race track (cars)

Second date, Rifle range.

She moved in with me within 2 months.

35 years later; Never looked back...

Learn to set expectations.

And to directly answer the question: I tell/show her everything I buy (except gifts...) and what I paid, AND what it is worth if I had to replace it.

 

[creativecars]

This was Saturday...
Wife- where did you go today.
Me- Metal place, to get steel for trailer/hitch. Menards for 11% off closet renovation materials, her idea. Harbor Freight, sanding disc and belts and they were having a tent sale.
Wife- Is that another tool box?
Me- noooo, its another tool cart... Tent sale... 69.00.
I couldn't resist.

 

[gipraw]

I am truthful about everything and usually give her heads up before picking up anything more than a single piece or two.

She knows me well enough to understand that every project has a tool budget as well as material budget.

 

[brucew]

Before I retired and had a regular income, both my wife and I would just buy whatever we needed. Neither of us were big spenders and and there was never a problem. Large purchases were always discussed with each other.

Now that I'm retired and limited income, I am the one who balks at tool purchases. My wife is the one who will nearly always say it is something needed for whatever project.

I usually put up a vague protest, and concede to her wisdom on it being money well spent.

I've been real lucky to have the wife I have.

 

[dsp1]

I take the exact opposite approach - I tell her EXACTLY how much I'm spending on tools, I show her different things in my shop and what they cost, as well as what I actually pay for them (due to being used, discounted, etc.).

I want her to know the magnitude of the value of my shop and its contents, so if by some chance I'm dead or decommissioned, she can get the full value out of it should she choose to sell.

Anyone else here think the same way, or do I need to turn in my "man card" and buy my next box in pink?

This works fine for people in a happy/healthy marriage, the problem is that at least 50-60% of them tend to fall apart. Care to guess what happens then when the wife knows the value of all your tools/equipment down to the last penny? Fortunately I've never had to worry about this, but I have spent a lot of time over the years helping friends and acquaintances rebuild their tool collections/shops after going through a divorce. It really makes you stop and think when you see your co-worker get handed a $25 paycheck after child support and alimony got pulled out. I can see why some of the guys you mention might lie or hide tool purchases from the wife. They may have been honest the first time around and it didn't turn out so well.

 

[DanInVA]

When I married my wife, part of our vows were that we swore to be loyal to each other, even over ourselves. We didn't have a whole lot of money then, but we learned to deal with what we have. We sit down and look at our money every time we get paid, and decide how much we are going to spend. However, part of our budget also includes personal money. We both get the same amount, and do with it as we please. I can save my personal money for a big purchase out blow it at 7/11, it is up to me. The same rules apply to her personal money.

As for bigger expenses, I buy tools under two circumstances. Either the tool is an absolute need for something right now, or is a good enough deal to justify buying. In either case, she gets a say, because the money is ours. Of course, when I bring a really good deal up, it gets the nod. A couple of weeks ago, in had a friend willing to part with a full set of 1/2" drive sk impact swivels for 70 bucks. I was more than happy to adopt them

 

[sberry]

I never consider asking her.

 

[TOOL FANATIK]

I am not married, but I hide most of my tool purchases from my fiance. Upon getting home, I take the bags directly to my detached garage lol. She is wise to this, and has a pretty good idea of the more valuable tools I have. She also knows how my tool collection is a sound investment, as I do my own work to the house (electrical, roofing, plumbing, painting, structure, landscaping, etc.) and car (suspension, suspension, and more suspension). Aside from the quick payback, she knows I love buying tools and she wants to see me happy.

 

[95riosnake]

My wife and I share a bank account, she can see what I've spent on anything she wants, anytime she wants. She honestly doesn't care because we still put away plenty of money each month, and she also buys what she wants to buy. Both of us are responsible with our purchases and always were, even before we met. Be it tools, car parts, what have you... it's a non-issue for me.

 

[cashishift]

wife and i have joint checking... if i am going to spend over 100.. we talk about it.

that being said, I have alot of tools already, so there isnt much buying going on.

 

[Ray-CA]

We each have our own checking accounts, but I still let her know if I'm going to spend over $100. She knows that I don't go out and "just buy" tools, but if I need one, then it's okay.

Ray

 

[PKile]

My wife is always badgering me to make "the list" of how much all that stuff in the garage is worth. The subject comes up most often if something weird shows up on my annual physical or someone we know near my age kicks the bucket.

The good thing is "the list" doesn't have to reflect the original purchase price, it is just an estimate of how much she should expect to be able to get when she puts stuff up for sale.

 

[bobcatdan]

The GF's and my money are not really commingled in anyway. I do pay all living expenses since she can really only focus on her student loans due to a low income at this time. As long as everything is paid which my number one concern also, she doesn't care what I spent my money on. I don't think she really even cares how much I have in tools since none of them are a ring.

 

[lakota]

A contractor at work told me a story. His elderly male neighbor died when the contractor was out of town. He went to express his sorrow to the widow.

They went into the basement and the contractor was stunned. The basement had a complete metal and wood workshop full of machinery and tools.

He tactfully told the widow if she wanted to sell some item he was willing to buy. She said at present she wasn't.

A month later, he was back in the basement and it was empty. The widow said a man offered her $500.00 for everything , so she sold it to him.

The contractor was sick.

 

[canuckian]

100% honest and upfront both ways. In fact, if I buy something, she often questions if I got the one I really needed and not a compromise item that was "good enough". That being said, unless an item is a really high dollar one, no consultation is needed. She sees my MasterCard and bank statements every month and I can see hers if I feel the need to (haven't yet). The replacement costs are all in the insurance documentation anyways so if I croak, she's good to go where my stuff is concerned.

 

[Fretters]

I take the exact opposite approach - I tell her EXACTLY how much I'm spending on tools, I show her different things in my shop and what they cost, as well as what I actually pay for them (due to being used, discounted, etc.).

I just never lie full stop, though I will occasionally sneak the odd bit(s) round the back just for a quiet life, (usually due to the size or quantity), but seriously matey, you let her into your workshop? That's just wrong.

 

[chipper]

She doesn't know about everything....but she doesn't care..she never comes to the detached garage in winter once the weather was nice she came to hang out with me out there and ask "where did all this **** come from" she also does not know the difference between husky and snap on...she will however boycott HF till the day she dies(the smell)

 

[BirdMobile]

A contractor at work told me a story. His elderly male neighbor died when the contractor was out of town. He went to express his sorrow to the widow.

They went into the basement and the contractor was stunned. The basement had a complete metal and wood workshop full of machinery and tools.

He tactfully told the widow if she wanted to sell some item he was willing to buy. She said at present she wasn't.

A month later, he was back in the basement and it was empty. The widow said a man offered her $500.00 for everything , so she sold it to him.

The contractor was sick.

Some people are so stupid it's hard to believe they can remember how to breath!

 

[Leaflessshadetree]

She's never said anything about it. I had a lot before I ever met her and have added more. I have plenty of family that will scoop them up. What's left will go to auction. Same with my guns, hunting and fishing gear, motorcycles etc.

 

[eborcim]

My wife buys her weaving items and equipment and I buy tools and car parts. She also likes helping with swaps and flea markets too. We sold at a racing/performance swap meet this last Saturday.

 

[KinzeMech]

I spend what I need. I don't ask anyone about tool spending (she would rubber stamp approval anyway). She asks me about any non-routine spending. I balance all the accounts/checkbook, etc. The standing offer is she can become the one to make the spending decisions if she wants to, and I would ask her how much I can spend, and when, but taking on that responsibility also means balancing all the accounts/checkbook/etc.

We discuss any major expenditures. Honestly, I wish she would take over the book work, and I would consult with her about a spending budget, but she prefers it this way.

We don't often discuss tool expenditures. I have found, though, that if I am reluctant divulge a tool expenditure, often times it means I either didn't get the best deal, or it turns out to be a tool I didn't really need (yes, folks, this is a real concept. There is a such a thing as an unneeded tool).

 

[-Brent-]

No need to lie. It's a nice part about our relationship.

95% of the upgrades to our home happened because I've got the tools/know-how to do so. The tool costs are nothing compared to what it would have cost if someone else did the work. The difference is probably 6 figures saved... seriously.

Edit: I should add, we're pretty frugal and although I love high quality (name brand) tools, I still get some of what I need used or rebuild something that was an expensive tool that the owner didn't know how to fix. My "investment" is considerably less but the quality of tools is not.

Edit 2: As far as when I'm dead and gone... this topic has come up since we're working on a will/trust. I've started an inventory of tools and such and will be having a knowledgeable person handle selling anything that is decided not to be kept. That way, things will be easier for her since she doesn't even know what most of the tools accomplish.

 

[-Brent-]

I spend what I need. I don't ask anyone about tool spending (she would rubber stamp approval anyway). She asks me about any non-routine spending. I balance all the accounts/checkbook, etc. The standing offer is she can become the one to make the spending decisions if she wants to, and I would ask her how much I can spend, and when, but taking on that responsibility also means balancing all the accounts/checkbook/etc.

We discuss any major expenditures. Honestly, I wish she would take over the book work, and I would consult with her about a spending budget, but she prefers it this way.

We don't often discuss tool expenditures. I have found, though, that if I am reluctant divulge a tool expenditure, often times it means I either didn't get the best deal, or it turns out to be a tool I didn't really need (yes, folks, this is a real concept. There is a such a thing as an unneeded tool).

Very well said.

 

[Syberia]

No reason to lie about cost when they all come from Harbor Freight

Sent from my Tricorder using Tapatalk

 

[crewchief888]

for the most part,

i'll discuss every (new) purchase with the wife, if it's coming out of the bank account.

on those rare occasions i have any "disposable" income, if i see something i'll get it.

 

[Exceller8]

My wife is awesome and very understanding of my tool addiction. She puts up with me going to the swap meet two or three times a week and will go with me to pawn shops. She usually says "what gems did you find today" or "Get a good deal?". She rocks!!!!

 

[Steevo]

Having evolved over the last 26 years from a "semi-young, low-budget couple" to a "retired and reasonably comfortable couple", my wife and I have developed a fairly mature relationship with money and our need/use of it.

She virtually never asks me what I spent on anything, and I never ask her what that purse, shoes, fabric, decor item cost.

We are both reasonable enough to know what would be detrimental to our budget.

I have promised to leave her with some basic inventory of my tool/shop equipment, that would assist her in appropriate auction valuations in the event of my demise.

To me, it is more important that she gets the most from selling my stuff, so as to further feather her go-forward nest, than it is to hide from her any of my foolish or extravagant purchases.

Together, we have made enough purchase mistakes that we can learn from them rather than be ashamed of them. We were in the auction/antique business for years, and managed to accumulate a number of "bad" purchases, most of which sit on our own shelves as examples to us of the folly of emotional purchases.

 

[Bigblue&Goldie]

I just got married a week ago, but my wife and I have been together for over 6 years. I don't ever ask her when I buy tools, and I don't know that she really cares either way. Our bills are all paid on time and our only debt is a 0% car loan and our mortgage. My tools are really nice, but not over the top in cost. Also, they are expensed through my business, so that also helps to offset their cost as well. She understands that tools save us money when our cars need repair and they also help me make a living. She also knows my tools are a source of pride for me, so that helps. I'm pretty much done buying tools at this point, but since we are officially married now, I would be more inclined to discuss future purchases with her unless they are of an immaterial cost.

 

[Kevin54]

Hi all,
I've read a LOT of forum posts here about lying to the S.O. about tool purchases, tool costs, and quantity of tools. Things like "I hope my wife doesn't sell my tools after I'm gone for what I told her I paid for them!" and "she doesn't know, add some more things in a drawer and all she sees is a big painted box". "I don't know what her shoes cost, and she doesn't know what my tools are worth".

I take the exact opposite approach - I tell her EXACTLY how much I'm spending on tools, I show her different things in my shop and what they cost, as well as what I actually pay for them (due to being used, discounted, etc.).

I want her to know the magnitude of the value of my shop and its contents, so if by some chance I'm dead or decommissioned, she can get the full value out of it should she choose to sell.
Anyone else here think the same way, or do I need to turn in my "man card" and buy my next box in pink?

I brought this up quite a few months back about letting the S.O. know what tools actually cost. I have the wrenches, and I have the hammers, but I also have a mill, lathe, CNC mill, surface grinder, stomp shear, belt/disk sander, and a few more items. If something happened to me, I want the wife to know what she can expect to get out of the items in the garage instead of someone coming in and lowballing her for a couple pennies on the dollar. All in all, there is quite a few thousand dollars worth of stuff in my garage, and she needs to know it.

I've never one time hid any price of anything from her. She always tells me that if I need it, go ahead and by it. I'm the one that has restraint. I've also never ever stopped her from buying what she wanted to buy. At the last, we have her Longaberger insured for $40,000. I don't see it, but she was a Consultant for Longaberger, so she got some great deals.

That's why I always stress to people to have an insurance agent come out and go over things in person.

 

[eeprete]

I buy everything off ebay, garage sales and swap meets. These days it's the most affordable method to get quality stuff. My wife and daughters know about all of it, and they also know the mark of quality tools. They've also never had to see a repairman show up either.

 

[Tripn88]

Im honest with mine... she loves the fact that i save money, even though its on tools that i dont absolutely need at that very moment.

 

[fred d]

In the early stages of our marriage we talked about any purchase over $20

I have always had a full and a part time job

As a teacher, She carried the health insurance so her working was a big deal.
7+ years ago I took a 2nd full time job working at Lowes(to cover health insurance)so she could work from home, and be available to be home for kids(2 & 6 at the time)
Since then......aside from cheating on her or killing someone, I can get away with about anything with out so much as a sideways glance. I also have done pressure washing on the side for the last 9 years.

But most of the tools I have bought have been from Lowes at 75-90% off

I have bought a 12k car hauler and more than a few project vehicles.

Problem is, I have NO TIME to use what I have bought.
Both kids in multipul sport activities(more important) takes most all of my Time

But soon my son and I will be working on projects in the garage together.
Almost there

 

[K-Dog]

I tell my wife what tools I need and she finds the best possible deals. She knows how much I spend, she knows how much I have, she knows they are worth and the knows how valuable they are to the pay check I bring home every week.