I am sure someone in the electric trade will chime in to correct but I believe:
you cannont use that box with the current wiring in place, against code and the main will be incorrect.
Not true. Quite OK to use the panel he has. Only issue is that he needs a main disconnect. Best thing is to buy a 200 amp main breaker conversion kit to make the panel a main breaker panel instead of the main lug panel it is now. Home Depot and Lowes carry the main breaker conversion kits for your panel. Other option would be to install a 60 to 100 amp breaker and back feed thru it, using a main breaker hold down kit (also at the box stores)
You need a seperate ground rod and ground wire to that box because the bldg. is detached.
This is true. Actually you need two rods because you won't have the equipment to prove the resistance of the one rod to ground being less than a code specified amount, just install two rods and save the problems.
ground and white are the same, just different paths to ground, which is why they are on the same bar in the box. on the new box, the instructions should explain where the seperated ones are, may even be a bonding strip depending on if installed with seperate ground rod. consult instructions that came with box.
On the OP's panel if he has a long green screw or bonding strap that is made to bond the insulated neutral bar to the metal of the panel, he SHOULD NOT use it. The ground and neutral need to stay isolated.
finally, around myway, if they run a seperate meter to that building, they wil charge to upgrade the underground feed to the appropriate 200 amp service, there will be a minimum monthly charge on a seperate bill, and the killowat hour $ rate will be much higher than your home as it is classified differently (like property tax on a 2nd home that is not a main residence)
Totally depends on the power company involved. Some charge commercial rate on a non-residential building even if on a residential lot, some charge a residential rate on all meters on residential property (which is what my POCO does), and some will not even install a second meter on a residential property. Depending on location, some may charge agricultural rates on outbuildings (cheaper)
Again, I am not an electrician, this was my experience when I wired my detached bldg. going through electric permit process in my state. If I stated anything glaringly wrong or dangerous, let me know and i will edit my post.
Hope this helps.