So, I’m sure some of you may have been wondering how things are going, how things turned out. I don’t really know how much of a following there was for this thread. Especially, since it was started almost 8 years ago and hasn’t been giving much attention in almost 3 years.
Things have been pretty tough since my dad passed away. There are a lot of difficult days. But as is life, you’ve just got to keep moving on. In the weeks following his passing we really had to sit down and look everything over and take things into consideration on how things were going to continue. I’ve been around full time for 17 years now. So obviously, I know how things run. I know how much things cost, I know what it takes to keep the daily/yearly works rolling. Dad never really shared the exact details with me on things, but I always say what was coming in and what was going out. I knew a rough idea on where we were at with things. What we had as far as income, assets, what we owed on things, what cost would be this year. I knew things would be more difficult than ever.
But, hiding in a corner, tucked away in the back of my mind, was something I’d tried to ask questions about. But, as often happens, I would never receive answers, or at least no real answers. The one unanswered question, was how settled were things with my dad and my uncle. In 2016, my uncle decided he wanted to retire, or mostly anyway. That didn’t include any selling of land exactly, other than my uncle receiving a portion of ground they owned together to be his own. But if my dad wanted to a portion of ground by his house, my dad would have to buy my uncle’s portion of that ground. In addition to this was my dad also buying out my uncle’s share of equipment, cattle, grain, the whole business side per se of the farm.
The details of this buy out I was never really shown, where things were at. It was never talked about. Also, one thing that threw a wrench in this was in 2017 when my dad was diagnosed with cancer and was really unable to do much of anything for majority of that year, which also included astronomical bills from doctors, treatments, and hospitals, even with insurance involved.
So after finally going through paperwork, getting copies of paperwork from my uncle, it drastically changed my thoughts, as well as my mother’s, my sister’s and my brother-in-law’s on how to continue. As it turned out a the sum owed to my uncle, doubled the other debts. Which was going to make it tough. Before hand, things were going to be manageable. But doubling it, that was the real hit.
The thing is it really comes down the a lot of the logistics. I had no one I could depend on full time, at any time of year, for help. It would be impossible for my to take care of the 125 head of cattle, plus 15-50 head of calves at a time, in addition to getting over 1600 spread out acres. Last year was not a great year. This year, if you know anything, markets are tough. It would be impossible to pay someone to help, provide income for me, produce income for my mom, and gain any ground on what needed to be done.
This was also longer just my decision. This was now my family’s decision. My mom, my wife, my sister and her husband. Not to mention, we had to do what was best for my mom.
Another part of this, was my uncle, not just what he was owed, but, the future of things with him as well. My father was only weeks away from turning 64 when he passed. This particular uncle just turned 76 this month. Second oldest of the 10 siblings and oldest boy. Not trying to put the horse before the cart, but if something were to happen to him it would mean we’d then have to deal with his 4 kids. All of which have never had anything to do with the farm. There’s a pretty solid chance they would want everything their dad is owed immediately, not to mention a likely buy out on my uncle’s shares of part of the ground. That would absolutely be the final nail if that were to happen.
Not to mention, my dad did not plan ahead for any of this. Everyone figured because of his cancer, and coming so close to loosing everything in 2017 that he would’ve been on top of all of this. But it was very much the opposite. I think that made him avoid doing it that much more.
So after feeling loads of regret, several tears, lots of sleepless nights, we made the decision. We decided that the farm was no longer going to continue, just a year after dad getting the farm officially listed as a Missouri century farm.
I kept the wheat ground, only 230 acres. Just cut it last week. Planted the second crop beans on it. But after the second crop beans are harvested, that will be it for me for crop ground. I had to make all the phone calls, all the meetings with the landlords, meeting with two brothers to rent our bottom ground we own. A lot of it feel on my shoulders.
This also meant getting rid of a lot of the cattle. Which, if there was a year to sell cattle, this was the year. Sold a vast majority of the cattle. Only keeping a total of 32 head, as well as keeping 4 heifers to keep to breed.
So, this has been tough. It’s tough to navigate. It tough to push through the day sometimes. It’s tough to be at the farm most days. Despite the fact there was plenty of days working on my own in the fields, hauling grain, taking care of cattle, working in the shop, I’d never felt alone. But it’s easy to feel alone there now.
There’s still been plenty to do around the farm. Taking care of the cattle was a big part early winter and spring. Hauling grain. Plus, taking care of everything that comes with these situations.
So I’ve also taken some of this time to see if I can make my tool business a full time gig for myself. But that answer is up in the air as well. I’m trying, really trying, but I’m still not sure if it’ll be able to pay the bills.
This didn’t meant getting rid of everything, with the exception of a lot of the cattle. We did sell the sprayer, but other than that it’s just been little items I’ve wanted to get rid of for a long time. Not that I haven’t had plenty of phone calls of guys wanting to buy equipment after they heard the news of me no longer continuing. As did the calls to landlords of people wanting to take over ground.
It may not be a complete end. We’ve discussed farming what ground we own possibly one day again. But that all depends on how things go the next few years. Not to mention it’s just tough to do it without him.
So, I was hoping to catch up with details of the last few years on here this year. But I think for now this is how, “Between the River Hills and the River Bottom” ends.
This was something I always knew was coming, I was trying to prepare for it. But I just always thought we’d have some more time. I didn’t think it would come this fast, or this soon. Nor did I think I’d feel so much guilt, failure, and regret with my decisions. But as my brother-in-law said, we’re just playing the hand we were dealt, and it just happens that it’s a **** hand.
So that is where life is currently at in Missouri. I guess we’ll see what happens down the line.
Thanks.
