Ron Lombardo
Well-known member
Maybe he really needs the money ... and the wife is on his *** and he needs the money but spending time working for you for free ... offer him some cash a clear your conscience and take the high road.
Buddy system gone wrong $$$
- Thread starter mrpowderkeg
- Start date
samert111
Well-known member
i cant hold back anymore...
in true GJ fashion
bang his wife
Wow!!!
I can't believe it took 2 hours and 6 minutes. That's got to be a record.this guy doesnt sound like a true friend...if he is really thinking he is owed some $$$...then gladly pay the guy..thnak him.....and wait...
the next he will come around..tell him..."well that will be *** $$ for you
make no mention of this to anyone..just wait for it..he will be back..
the next he will come around..tell him..."well that will be *** $$ for you
make no mention of this to anyone..just wait for it..he will be back..
JimVonBaden
Well-known member
IMHO That really changes nothing. If his "buddy" suddenly needed money, he should have manned up and asked to be paid for the work. However, IMHO, he should have put up and shut up. He was in payback mode, not building credits.
Jim
JimVonBaden
Well-known member
Don't blanket statement womenIt is his woman that's putting pressure on him. And he can't be straight with you.
Anyway, sounds like she won't realize what being a friend is about until he gets injured or out of commission that he can't work and get things done and she needs help. Their loss.
If I were you, I'd just send him money and a short thanks. Then go on without him. I'd be willing to bet that in the future he'll come crawling back when he needs something. What you do is obviously up to you.
Exactly!
Jim
be honest, only reason you wanted your buddy help is because you wanted free help. since that not going happen, it cheaper to hire a contractor to turn key it, call me when you done.
working on cars for buddies, call a mechanic that what they get paid for
working on cars for buddies, call a mechanic that what they get paid for
White04mach
Well-known member
I'm in agreement with most of the people that have posted that he wasn't really a true friend. I don't very many friends but of the ones I do they are true friends that have helped me and I have helped them. Most of the times myself or them have offered to pay for them or I to do something and most of the time it is "I'll need some help sometime, I'll call ya" type of thing. If I was in your situation, I'd cut my losses and not inquire for his help anymore. You don't have to be mean to him or ignore him in passing but I wouldn't invite him over or offer services for him anymore.
JimVonBaden
Well-known member
porschedude996TT
Well-known member
When I helped build my sister's and brother-in-laws house I chalked it up to helping family. Years later my brother-in-laws brother was building his house (3,000 sq ft, two story) around the corner. For two years, at least every other weekend I would help him for 5 to 6 hours on the house Saturday and Sunday. I have no idea how many hours I helped him, but it was a bunch. He is a general contractor and I learned from doing with this place. He knew I was going to build a shop and wanted some help here and there. He spent about 8 to 10 hours helping me and that is all i needed. Later I had him do some work on my house that I didn't have the time to do and he had two of his guys helping as well. I wanted to pay him and he would only take a couple hundred dollars. Three guys, 2 days is real cheap. I feel good about helping him out, I learned enough to build my 30' x 40' shop and I know I'm on the good side, meaning I helped more than he did in the number of hours. I also have worked on there three computers and have asked for nothing. It is all about Karma, is it not? Good friends are hard to find, give him a call.
crewchief888
Well-known member
i've walked away from a few good friends in the past to "keep the peace".
you have to pick your battles
you have to pick your battles
premierplayer
Well-known member
pay him, move on, life's to short
if he asks for your help in the future tell him you don't have the time
just a guess, you pay him, he's gone for good
if he asks for your help in the future tell him you don't have the time
just a guess, you pay him, he's gone for good
Zeke
Well-known member
I'll bet money is tight with the carpenter guy and the woman is telling him that if he's working, he should be earning money. Funny how they think.
I built a flight of stairs gratis in a tool repair place a few years ago. I figured I'd get some cheap or free tool repairs. Guy sold the business right after.
I don't work for free.
I built a flight of stairs gratis in a tool repair place a few years ago. I figured I'd get some cheap or free tool repairs. Guy sold the business right after.
I don't work for free.
Rickster55
Well-known member
On the other side of the "buddy system" - A co-worker offered to help me build a patio that I was trying to get done. We spent a good month working on this after work and on weekends. There was a LOT of bull work. He has never mentioned money whatsoever. I am going to give him a thank you card with money in it. Is that wrong? What if he won't accept it?
Regarding the OP situation, I think the right thing to do is to talk to him. Without hearing it right from the horse's mouth, its just speculation as someone else has said. But- what would I do? Let this buddy go and dont look back. He walked away from you. You should not have to chase him down. Your paths will cross again and the subject is bound to surface. Then let him know how you feel. IMHO
Regarding the OP situation, I think the right thing to do is to talk to him. Without hearing it right from the horse's mouth, its just speculation as someone else has said. But- what would I do? Let this buddy go and dont look back. He walked away from you. You should not have to chase him down. Your paths will cross again and the subject is bound to surface. Then let him know how you feel. IMHO
Charles (in GA)
Well-known member
What are you on this forum for?
Apparently you don't work on your cars, you must pay someone to do it, and apparently you don't have anything to do with improving the garage, I would guess you pay for that too.
Charles
skyking
Well-known member
I wouldnt pay him ****. You already paid him by doing for him in the past.Big difference between being noble and being a "*****"
Send him a thank you card stating that you appreciate the time he gave you on your project. state that you have decided to use payed help because it is too much to ask of a friend on the "buddy system". Next time he needs help tell him that you would like to help,but the work surpasses the "buddy system " and you will need pay to proceed.
Send him a thank you card stating that you appreciate the time he gave you on your project. state that you have decided to use payed help because it is too much to ask of a friend on the "buddy system". Next time he needs help tell him that you would like to help,but the work surpasses the "buddy system " and you will need pay to proceed.
if you believe him to be a "friend" talk to him and ask him what is really happening to change past practices (ie you working on his cars free) remember true friends are very hard to find , worth keeping and sometimes worth a little cash
yucholian
Well-known member
Best answer.
gabeancounter
Well-known member
Were you helping him while he was framing the garage?
Was he helping you while you were working on his cars?
If both answers are "yes" then I agree with everyone else. If not, then maybe that is where the issue is. If you were not helping during the framing and wife telling him "your being used" ate away at him. We have all done stupid sh*& in the name of good p(*)(*!
Was he helping you while you were working on his cars?
If both answers are "yes" then I agree with everyone else. If not, then maybe that is where the issue is. If you were not helping during the framing and wife telling him "your being used" ate away at him. We have all done stupid sh*& in the name of good p(*)(*!
yousesteers
Active member
This has happened to me several times guess I am a sucker I fall for it every time a year ago friend bought a new house and completely revamped it he paid a contractor to do the framig and rough work then we did the siding, hung the drywall primed it wives painted, and I did most of the trim and helped him do some other things spent most summer and fall helping him using my tools I bought a new house this summer had some wallpaper to strip and paint told him when we were doing it and him or wife never showed up. Still a friend I am just more careful to offer to help him on a project. I am wanting to build a shop can do it all myself but will probably pay the amish to put it up as I don' t want to depend on favors owed for help and finding time to do it.
brihvac
Well-known member
You can have no hands and count your friends. Friends help each other and do not expect anything in return.
bczygan
Well-known member
First, I envy all you guys with friends. They are a rare and valuable thing. And if you are so close and in sync that you know what the relationship is without asking...well that is amazing and special. Most human relationships require at least some level of verbal communication, at least enough to tell where the other person is, and to let them know what is in your head and heart. I know that me and my wife, joined at the hip as we are, still have to bump brains once in a while. And we constantly negotiate for what we want in the relationship, what we expect from the other and what we are willing to give. That said, it is sometimes just a good feeling to give. But you know when it is too much and you feel taken advantage of. So if you want to make the relationship different than it is at this point in time, you need to do something, unless you want to wait for him to. Communication doesn't usually happen by magic. Get belly to belly with him and express your feelings, whatever they are. Then listen to what his feelings are. Then the two of you can negotiate a solution agreeable to both. Sounds like what you thought you had, and wanted to keep, was the unspoken buddy relationship. Maybe he didn't have the same thing or want it. Communicate and negotiate and you don't have to give up the relationship. But it can and will probably change.
Bill
Bill
JimVonBaden
Well-known member
Not at all. If he takes it, great! If not, buy him a nice bottle of his favorite adult beverage!
Jim
slip knot
Well-known member
Toomanytools?
Well-known member
Just give him a call and ask "What's up you left me hanging". Don't make it a drama scene that's for the girls, just ask him " I thought we were square on the trading work thing?" I would not offer a dollar amount ($30) unless you know he gets paid $25/hr because that may be an insult. Just ask if he needs to get paid like someone said maybe his financial needs have changed ie (nagging GF). Ask what he needs and work out what is reasonable, friends are hard to come by good friends are far and few. If he is worth keeping just cut the BS man up ask what's up if he can't face you then say thanks for the help and move on.
Good Luck.
Good Luck.
flip4eva83
Well-known member
So the carpenter buddy is a ***** and is getting pressured by the wife, best thing you can do is talk it out over some cold ones and try to relate.
Not at all. If he takes it, great! If not, buy him a nice bottle of his favorite adult beverage!
Jim
Something about booze makes it a wonderful form of payment.
Yeah an engagement ring, and a mortgage.
You never discussed a price, I wouldn't pay him the $30hr, I'd drop it to $25hr cash. Stop by and tell him since he wasn't helping anymore, you owed him some cash for the help. Figure 20 hours (throw in a few more than you said) at 25 hr comes out to an even $500. Just hand him 5 benjamins and thank him for his time. Be done with it and don't look back.
He recently got engaged or married and looks like he got her a house. Don't worry about working on his car anymore, I'd guess, she'll have him sell it. He's done with cars, racing and the guy stuff, he'll be stuck at home watching Oxygen & Lifetime with her.
He'll be back around in about 5 years after they're divorced, he's broke and apoligizes for leaving you hanging.
REPO
Well-known member
Sounds like he already has! He is now sponging off another friend. I bet if that other friend ever needs help, the same situation will rise again.
Wow!!!
This....
And this.....
Kevin54
MEMBER EMERITUS
I don't agree. If he's not coming around and moneys the issue, be the bigger man and pay him. Then he doesn't have **** to hold over your head and going around telling other people how he did all this work, blah, blah, blah, and the guy wouldn't even pay up.
I had what I thought was a real good friend. We had cookout together, I'd watch his Dobie when he was out of town as I was the only one she made up to, I helped him build a huge paver patio on his house, remodeled the lower bedroom in his house and added a walk in closet, I saved him a few thousand in plumbing problems because he had a busted pipe and was on a slab, I tiled his kitchen floor, I sided his house, and countless other things to help him out as he didn't know how to do it. One morning at 1:00am he called and asked me if I would drive his wife to Cleveland which is around 2 1/2-3 hours one way as her son had been stabbed numerous times, anytime he needed any tools he came over and borrowed them, Friday nights we'd meet up at the bar and have a great time.
THEN.........I had arm surgery and it wasn't right, so I couldn't use it. He came over to drop off some items he had borrowed and out of his mouth came the sentence "I'm sure glad I have all of my work done"
After that, I'd get in touch with him and asked if he'd want to meet up for a few beers after work. Always an excuse. That was 10 years ago and we haven't spoke since. About 5 years ago he did send a Christmas card and they had moved.
So I say, pay him fair money, be the bigger man and he can't hold it over your head. Then just cut your losses and find another so called friend, only this time you'll know what not to do.
FrankieD
Well-known member
When I help out everyone knows up front,I work for food!I have never gone hungry helping out.I know I can't count on them when I need their help.Friends or not I volunteered,I can't volunteer them when I have something going on.
Did your friend pass on some paying work to help?Maybe your job got in the way of him making some cash he needed.
Did your friend pass on some paying work to help?Maybe your job got in the way of him making some cash he needed.
darkk
Well-known member
If I want money, I'm up front about it, I'll ask for it before working. If I'm helping, I offer. If he has a problem, it's just that *HIS* problem. If his boss *woman* has a problem, it's still just her problem. It's still his problem to fix either way, not yours. If he really is your friend, he'll fix it and leave you out of it, bring over a couple beers and both of you can laugh it off. Otherwise screw him....
An aqaintance that was building a huge house once gave me some advice.
He asked, "do you have any buddies that are tradesmen? you know, carpenters, painters, electricians, plumbers?
I said, "yes, I know a few tradies!"
He said, "Great! DON'T ask any of them to help with your house build. You'll have to pay trade rate anyway, you can't negotiate or withold payment for substandard work. They'll drop your job as soon as other more important work comes up, you'll possibly lose a friendship."
I know it sounds cynical but I have seen friendships strained. Wish I could say different.
I hope the OP can work out a compromise that keeps he, his buddy and buddy's wife happy.
He asked, "do you have any buddies that are tradesmen? you know, carpenters, painters, electricians, plumbers?
I said, "yes, I know a few tradies!"
He said, "Great! DON'T ask any of them to help with your house build. You'll have to pay trade rate anyway, you can't negotiate or withold payment for substandard work. They'll drop your job as soon as other more important work comes up, you'll possibly lose a friendship."
I know it sounds cynical but I have seen friendships strained. Wish I could say different.
I hope the OP can work out a compromise that keeps he, his buddy and buddy's wife happy.
JimVonBaden
Well-known member
I do a lot of work on motorcycles, and I am well known for it. I get a lot of requests for help changing tires, installing accessories, and doing maintenance. I usually accept, but I never accept money. I tell them that if they wish to pay me, a bottle of rum will do it. Some do, some don't. Often I never hear from some of these guys unless they need something, I still help most of them. On the third or fourth time helping someone, especially if they do not bring me some rum, I decline saying I am busy.
Over the years I moved a few times, and I always had a lot of help, once 38 people and ten trucks showed up. We moved me out of one place and into another in under 3 hours. What a party we had after.
However, this is not typical, and most of my work goes without reciprocal work for me. My wife used to complain about me wasting my time, but she has grown to understand. My "free" work get's me a lot of business from referrals who buy my DVDs. Plus, I have made a few good friends, and many helpful acquaintances with it. I call it good karma.
Of course, those few who abuse the relationship soon find themselves out of free help. That's just the way it works.
Jim
Over the years I moved a few times, and I always had a lot of help, once 38 people and ten trucks showed up. We moved me out of one place and into another in under 3 hours. What a party we had after.
However, this is not typical, and most of my work goes without reciprocal work for me. My wife used to complain about me wasting my time, but she has grown to understand. My "free" work get's me a lot of business from referrals who buy my DVDs. Plus, I have made a few good friends, and many helpful acquaintances with it. I call it good karma.
Of course, those few who abuse the relationship soon find themselves out of free help. That's just the way it works.
Jim
Carpenter buddy knows about the project, knows you're hanging, and for whatever reason has walked away. In my opinion...unless he brings it up to you...the "why" for his actions is irrelevant. It's obvious that his reason for not helping now is more important than you or your project. Which is fine.
When your new shop is done, just remember to be too busy for his projects. Don't be mean or unkind, just don't have the time. Something tells me he won't be asking for help anyhow.
If it were me, I wouldn't be getting involved in talking about it.
When your new shop is done, just remember to be too busy for his projects. Don't be mean or unkind, just don't have the time. Something tells me he won't be asking for help anyhow.
If it were me, I wouldn't be getting involved in talking about it.
steky
Active member
I got a buddy who, when HE NEEDS HELP its the most important, most urgent, help me, help me thing going on. I recently helped him out with a boat dock at his lake property. Couple weeks later I needed a hand and guess what,,, he's busy....I need to learn to say I'm busy too I guess.
Strouty
Well-known member
I grew up in a family full of business owners. They always pay anyone, including family, whenever they help out. This way they never feel like they owe someone. I am halfway between, I do have some friends that I would help no matter what, but I never get nearly as much in return. I try not to keep track, but if it is obvious that they are using me and don't care about reciprocating, I just tell them I am too busy and sorry. I would just go over and see him, try and see what his perspective is. If you just pay him without discussing the situation, things will never be the same anyway. I have a brother that is just like that, now I have to pay him to help me just to see him. His wife destroyed our relationship.