It hasn't even been an hour and devastating frustration is setting in. I feel paralyzed, literally, can't even start, don't even know where, everything I touch is almost painful as all the thoughts run through my head. Basically, I see potential in everything and making a decision feels like the end of the world. I may have to start filing the dumpster, right now things feel borderline ridiculous and I know that taking things one step at a time is the right move. Problem is that I see 20 steps away and not one outcome looks good, so the perfectionist shuts me down. I try to work around it, then it goes into distraction mode and nothing gets done. Then I have wasted more time and the cycle starts over again.
Why is it that I can not even know what something is or what it does, yet I can't bring myself to get rid of it???
I feel like I am not equipped to make decisions, or someone has removed that ability from my brain. I don't always feel this way, just when I get overwhelmed, the last week has been more than overwhelming, so things are pretty bad right now.
I am going to type out an example of what I am going through in my head. The volvo parts are from my car, my car just had almost $4,000 worth of work done to it, after finishing the work, the transmission won't hold reverse without slipping. The car was not worth the $4,000 I put into it, but it was a known quantity and I like it. So now I see these parts, knowing that the car is almost useless and wonder what to do. I can't afford a transmission, no, I shouldn't put a transmission in it, the car is not worth it. So I go out back to find a place to put these parts until I make a decision on what to do, then I see ten more things that all need some sort of decision to move forward on them, then I sit there stumped. I decide to move something, only to find that I can't put it where I want because there is something else there and I have to move two other things, those things both need decisions made as well, so by now my brain is running in circles. I start to feel tired and slowly shut down. Then I think about how I can make things better, figure that out, then try, only to find out that what I thought was a simple project is a two person job that will take most of a day to accomplish. Of course I only realize this after starting it, so now there is another mess that I have to trip over to get to everything else. I am sure I left out some other thoughts, but I think that is the gist of it.