That's hilarious!
I was a Sous chef at a country club in college. I own a set of white handled Wusthof Classic knives. Daytons department stores out of Minneapolis thought they would be a great wedding gift so they had them specially produced for their flagship stores.

So I scored a helluva deal from the local Wusthof distributor on them. We've had them for 19 years and counting. So yes, I cook. We often host Thanksgiving and/or Christmas dinner. I used to have a small Char-Griller smoker that I extensively modified (but they are made out of thin sheet metal so it rusted out pretty quickly)... I used to go to Tulsa, OK on business about every 3 weeks and I was active on The Smoke Ring forum. My friends in Tulsa were all competitive BBQ guys and/or pros. I need to buy a stainless steel Hasty-Bake grill to replace my smoker and when we move, I will be building a large outdoor kitchen complete with a large grill, multi-section smoker, and wood fired oven. Already been down that rabbit hole! Popped back up to find a new hole. [emoji14]
My hunting mentor butchers his own deer and it is a skill I want to learn, but we have goose egged the last 3 years so I haven't learned how to butcher my kills yet. I also have a dozen books on cooking wild game and 2 on butchering meat. Yes, I caught the post in Gregor's thread about the guy's butcher room. I may be adding that to my future requirements of the next house. [emoji106]
Right now I'm spoiled. I have a meat share in a local producer. They are a family owned farm and many times I go out to their house to pick up the share.
We get 12-15 pounds of meat a month for $85. Several times a year I get a share and a half, especially in November, December, and January. They raise heritage breed beef, lamb, goats, and hogs. NO grain ever, no antibiotics, no steroids, no growth hormone. The animals are on the pasture the entire time. The only thing they add is supplemental flax seed out in the pasture the last 4 weeks if the animals want to eat it, they can. It raises the Omega 3, 6, and 9 levels in the meat. They also sell or give me the less common cuts of meat including oxtail, liver, and heart. I could get kidney and tongue, but I pass on those. I can't eat a lot of pork, it bothers my stomach, but I can eat the bacon so I typically get a pound of it every other month. They're lamb is incredible and I use their ground goat to give my chili a rich, hearty flavor that I just can't get from beef. I rarely eat beef in restaurants. Since having the meat share for the last 4 years or so, store bought or restaurant beef has no flavor and the fat is tough. The fat in our meat melts in your mouth... like I said, I'm spoiled.
If the beef is great, all it really needs is a little salt and pepper. When I grill a chuck roast, I only season it with salt, garlic, and a little sweet basil. It doesn't need the garlic or basil, but we like the flavor profile. Then I cook it indirect and add a little sassafras, pecan, apple, or hickory for a bit of smoke. We also cook a lot of it in the slow cooker with carrots, onions, and celery. Sometimes we toss in potatoes too.
I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease over 5 years ago. That changed what I can eat (and drink) significantly. Beer and artisanal breads are out, as well as traditional pizza crust and pastas. I used to make my own breads, chocolate chip cookies (mine were the best!), pizza crust, potato gnocchi, and empanadas. I haven't attempted to make a gluten free empanada, some day I will. I miss empanadas. I've found a decent gluten free bread kit I can cook in my bread maker and a decent GF pizza crust kit, but they aren't the same. The only thing that I like better GF is shortbread cookies. They turn out flakier and crispier without being tough. Celiac Disease has presented new challenges regarding my cooking, and overall I'm ok with it, but I do miss great breads and great pasta.